Moving in with a Partner is a big, exciting step. We relish shared rent expenses, not having to constantly travel back and forth between homes, and Moving forward in our relationships. But before you hire movers, there are some key discussions to have with your partner to ensure your cohabitation starts off on the right foot and runs as smoothly as possible.

How do you know if it’s the right time to move in together?

You’re sharing bills 

If you’re splitting groceries, dinner tabs, or even on the same phone plan, then chances are you’re starting to communicate about finances. This is a great first step on the road to sharing larger expenses, like rent. 

You have open communication 

Open and honest communication can be tough, even for the most seasoned relationships. But if you’ve both learned your communication styles and feel comfortable sharing anything and everything, then it will go a long way after moving in together. 

You’ve discussed why moving in together is a good idea 

It’s easy to move in together as a matter of convenience. Splitting rent and bills is a great way to save money, and maybe your roommate just moved out, but don’t let those factors get in the way of deciding what’s best for your relationship. If you’ve planned long-term goals together and have had honest conversations about why it’s a good idea, then it could be the right time.

Before moving in together

Ask the tough financial questions

Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone earned the same amount of money? A dream that is likely a far ideal away. As a result, discussing your financial situation with your partner is an important part of living together. Some questions to ask are:

• Who will pay the rent? Will it be shared equally or divided? Will the person who makes the higher income pays the lion’s share?
• Will you share an account or keep your earnings separate?
• Will you split costs on other necessities, like electricity, water, cable, groceries, etc.?
• If one has debt, whether in credit cards, loan payments, etc., will the other help with these fees?
• Do either of you have any savings set aside in case of an emergency, such as a loss of job, major car repairs, emergency plane ticket to visit sick family, etc.?
• Who will ultimately be in charge of managing the bills?
• How will you decide what is a luxury item versus a need item?

By checking these questions off of your list, you’ll feel more prepared when move-in day arrives. If you already expect that your partner may not be able to cover a higher rent than they already pay, and you have agreed to pay more, you won’t have this as an unexpected surprise down the road.

Make a list of ideal locations

Chances are you both don’t currently live in the same neighborhood, especially if you live in a city. If you do and both love where you live, then this is the easiest step. Or, maybe you’ve never been able to afford your preferred neighborhood, but now that you’re sharing the rent with your partner you feel as though you can. Do you and your significant other have the same views on your dream location, or will it take some convincing?

Some key factors that will affect where you choose to live are:

• Work commute
• Location to friends and family
• Whether you have a vehicle or use public transportation
• Cost of rent for particular neighborhood
• Safety of location
• Surrounding attractions, such as parks, museums, sporting arenas, shopping, restaurants, etc.
• Do you have children? Will the location of a school be a factor?

Make a list and go over each item using a pro and con format. Make sure it’s fair for both parties.

Identify your apartment dealbreakers

Now that the two of you are moving in together, your dream apartment may no longer tick off all the boxes on your list.

Some apartment buildings don’t allow pets, which would break your partner and their dog’s heart. Maybe you both drive cars but the building only permits each unit with one parking spot and street parking is a nightmare. Maybe your companion loves to cook but the kitchen is completely outdated. Many restrictions may not be a bother to you, but to your future roommate, they’re a deal-breaker.

In other cases, a building’s amenities can be what tips the scales in favor of picking a complex. Perhaps they have an on-site, 24-hour gym, a pool, a rooftop patio, and a dog park for your furry friend. Just remember to keep in mind that all the extras can mean extra fees.

Discuss your future plans

If you’re taking the leap of moving in with your significant other, then you may have talked about where things are headed. 

If you’re talking about marriage and a family, you may want to consider a larger apartment, one that will consider a second room for the possibility of a future family member. Or, maybe the two of you have always dreamed of having a dog and want to make sure that you will be able to once you have settled into your new place.

What if your partner is still in school and has a few more years to go before they get a full-time job? Or what if your partner travels a lot for work and this means having to take care of the household duties alone for a while, possibly even carrying extra expenses for a bit?

Look at your individual lifestyles and figure out where you’ll need to compromise

Picture what your place looks like, now picture what their place looks like. Do you have a lot of similar tastes? Do you like decorating in mute colors while they like bright? Do you collect old records while they are highly into streaming and downloading everything?

Differences are often exciting at the beginning of a relationship. A difference in a partner helps us to get out of our comfort zone and experience new things. But then, after the dust settles, we become aware that difference may mean that we don’t always get our way of doing things; which can include what gets to stay in an apartment that you live together in.

Compromise will become a big factor and will also fall outside of how your place is decorated. This includes a bathroom schedule, cleaning arrangements, who will run errands, and who will complete regular tasks like getting dinner on the table?

Further to this may be your regular lifestyle, are you a nighthawk while they are an early riser? Do you like to pick at food straight out of the refrigerator while they are known for their Chicken Piccata? Do you make the bed every morning while they won’t wash the dishes for days? Negotiating and the willingness to bend will make a big difference in moving forward together, successfully.  

Consider a written agreement

Life doesn’t always work out the way you plan it to. Even if you start your living arrangement committed and in love, life happens and relationships can end for one reason or another. When this happens, disputes often occur and, in some cases, one will accuse the other of money owed, or who gets what half of a sofa set purchased together.

This is where you may want to consider getting some written proof of any agreements you make together. 

Acknowledge pet peeves

Understanding each other’s boundaries is critical to a happy and healthy home. Sharing a space can be stressful, especially if you’ve been living on your own before moving in together. Talking about what’s off limits and what bothers you most before move-in day will help keep the peace.

After moving in together

Make time for yourself 

It’s important for yourself and your relationship to maintain personal space. Be sure to get out on your own for a bit, even if it’s running to the local market or heading downstairs to the gym. Carving out spaces in the home that are only yours will go a long way in maintaining a happy living space. 

Compromise is key 

Disagreements will happen and are a normal part of moving in together. Coming to the discussion with empathy and understanding can help you reach a compromise that works for both of you. 

Get out of the house

It can be easy to fall into a routine after moving in together, which is why it’s important to continue making your relationship a priority. Have fun! Pick a date night, and socialize together with friends. 

Managing finances together

You’ve already discussed how to share and split finances before moving in together, and here’s how to put them in action once you’re settled in the new place: 

• Maintain a record: Keeping receipts can settle disagreements about who paid for what. 
• Make a monthly budget: Making a budget together provides clear direction on what needs to be paid that month, upcoming expenses, and saving goals. 
• Stay honest: Don’t hide anything from your partner, especially outstanding debt or big-ticket purchases. 
• Take inventory: Discuss your long-term financial goals and where you want to be in the future. 

Making it work

Coming together to live in one space means joining two personalities, even if the two of you are similar, there can still be a few bumps in the road. The best way to overcome the bumps you face is to be prepared so that you know how to handle them.

If you feel ready to move forward together in your apartment hunt, why not snuggle up and check out these great listings for your next place!

Read next: 10 Things Every First-Time Renter Needs to Know

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