In any job, you should soon become aware of where your strengths and weaknesses lie. I know that I’m really great at chatting to people. Good when it’s customers, not so good when it’s other members of staff. I’m also adept at keeping my section tidy and well stocked if I don’t have any juicy gossip to impart to colleagues. You get the picture.

So I realise that I’ve been approaching parenthood all wrong and have been focusing on my weaknesses rather than playing to my strengths. I will never be the person who cooks nutritious meals from scratch, and in past experience, this can be a lengthy, expensive and ultimately fruitless pastime. What do I expect when I fed my kids in utero a diet of sandwiches and double deckers? I will not be the lycra clad, rosy-cheeked lady who pounds the streets each morning, reveling in the fresh air, planning bike trips and hiking expeditions for the kids. In fact, when my husband does those things, I normally stay in the car with a coffee and my phone.

So, negatives out of the way; I am going to focus on the positives: The things that I like to do with my kids. I need to find common ground and play to my strengths for my mindfulness as well as a future save in therapist bills.

1. I Love video game. This started back in the ’80s when my Dad bought a console that allowed two people to bat a dot back and forth to each other. Then there was the commodore 64 and the 2-hour wait as a game charged. I got a gameboy one Christmas and spent hours playing Tetris. In my mid-20s I bought a Playstation and would play a Harry Potter game through the night. In fact when I met my husband, I proudly showed him what level I was on and he asked how old I was… 27… I mumbled. And now I have 3 little gamers to play with. Conall, 9 plays strange games where people walk around, similar to Tomb Raider, I don’t get this but the younger two love all the Xbox Lego games which I adore. They are fantastic and at the moment we are playing Pirates of the Caribbean; the only drawback is that sometimes they won’t give me a go and I have to watch them butcher a level and I become Alex Ferguson.
2. I find jigsaws to be very calming and my 4-year-old likes me to do the edges and he fills in the rest. I picture myself in 30 years making giant jigsaws while sipping gin and ignoring frantic phone calls from my sons, asking me to mind their wayward kids. Add lego to this list. I watched the kids jealously at Christmas as they meticulously made their way through instructions, piecing a hulkbuster or plane together and waited till they got stuck to swoop in. I have thought of buying myself a set and doing it at night when they are in bed but I fear that if caught, I could never repair our relationship.
3. I love to draw and my 5-year-old has inherited that. He asks me to stay very still and he looks at me intently as he puts pencil to paper. He’ll keep glancing up and telling me not to blink and after a while will produce a hilarious picture of me and I have to keep a serious face and praise his prowess as an artist. I do draw the line (pun intended) at paints, glitter, glue and due to a recent catastrophe… waxy crayons.
4. If Netflix binges were an Olympic sport I would be building a trophy case right now. I love TV and movies and pre-kids I had a pass for the then Virgin cinema and once saw 3 movies back to back in a day; my cousin did 4 but she doesn’t like to brag. I recently introduced the oldest to Monty Python and he howled with laughter as I teared up with pride. We now plan movie nights together and we snuggle on the couch, eat popcorn and he tells me to stop smelling his hair… I can’t, it’s delicious.
5. Books, books, books! I was an extremely shy child and spent as much time as possible in the worlds of Roald Dahl, Enid Blyton, and Judy Blume. Conall is currently on the fourth book of the Harry Potter series and as I watch him, attached to a radiator (an inherited trait) completely lost at Hogwarts, I smile my big, nerdy head off and think, job done!

So, instead of beating yourself up and comparing yourself to Mary next door who grows her own veg and does yoga (unless you are Mary and then yay you), think about what you like to do with the kids. They will remember Mammy having a genuinely good time with them and that is important for everyone. Parenting can be full of shitty, mundane jobs so try to intersperse that with a little fun and you can go to bed smiling instead of racked with The Guilt to which us mothers are prone.

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