Mr. Carter has been referred to as the “king of the rap game,” as the “greatest that ever did it” or more speculatively the “best rapper dead or alive.” In order to truly speak to this greatness, we find it imperative to critique one of Mr. Carter’s most famous economic analyses, “99 Problems.”

If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

Mr. Carter begins the journey by creating a comparative analysis. He states that he feels bad for those who have girl problems, despite the fact that he has 99 different problems of his own. Logic would dictate that a man that has 99 problems of any sort would not compare himself favorably to someone who has one girl problem; however Mr. Carter seems to find so much disutility in girl problems that he operates in a world where the marginal rate of substitution of girl problems relative to all other problems is strangely high. This means for every introduction of 1 unit of girl problems there are an exponentially larger amount of units of negative externalities not normally associated with the larger subset known as “general” problems. In essence, these girl problems are a unique animal that operate under different rules than the normal "general" problem, where a large number of normal problems are more desirable to Mr. Carter than a smaller set of girl problems, even though both provide quantifiable disutilities. We know this because Mr. Carter seems to be speaking to the entire universe (there are no qualifiers in the description of those he is addressing), which undoubtedly includes those who only have one female problem. The listener can draw TWO conclusions from this analysis:

(1) Mr. Carter finds greater relative utility in having 99 problems (none of which are related to women), than having one girl problem. It is clear, under this interpretation of his treatise, in regards to overall utility; where A = (problems of every sort, except those relating to girls) and N = (problems of many sorts, but all relating to girls) that (A)×(∞)
I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics they say he's "Money Cash Hoes"
I'm from the hood stupid, what type of facts are those

Mr. Carter begins by illustrating for us 2 of his 99 problems. In this first stanza, Mr. Carter details with great clarity that there is an unidentified unit of people collectively referred to by the colloquialism “rap patrol,” and that this group actually covets his death. This group is not given any defining characteristics, nor do they need have them. In fact, Mr. Carter is merely impressing upon us the different types of problems that constitute what we previously defined as (A) problems of the non-bitch nature. It is from this categorization we must assume that the group labeled “rap patrol” is a gender specific group closed to women.
In the second part to this stanza we are told that he is criticized for the extent that he brings up the topics of money and women in his rhymes, but Mr. Carter fires back questioning the journalistic integrity of those who condemn his subject matter. We are not given any evidence that these criticisms have actually occurred, nor are we told who has been giving these critiques. However, these questions are irrelevant to his analysis, for Mr. Carter is merely trying to illustrate the vastly diverse types of conduct and scenarios that are to be classified as an (A) problem. His committment to laying the foundation to his later argument is admirable. However, this is assuming that this foundation eventually leads to an explanation of his calculation of the various disutilities present in his two groups of problems.

If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward
I got beef with radio if i don't play they show
They don't play my hits i don't give a shit SO
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers

Furthermore, Mr. Carter goes on to show that his critics do in fact create some unidentified amount of measurable disutility. Utilizing the bravado that he most definitely gained from the streets, he makes such statements as “I don’t give a shit” and “you can press fast forward” to create the implication that he is unaffected by their onslaughts, however a disciplined listener can read underneath actual meaning of these words to uncover their true meaning. Mr. Carter is not stating that these acts have a neglible effect on his happiness or personal utility; he is saying that he is a resilient actor and that these attacks on his character will be conquered by his strength of self-assurance. It is here again, that Mr. Carter gives us a glimpse of the real value that (A) problems have in relation to creating disutility.

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong arm a hoe
This is not a hoe in the sense of havin a pussy
But a pussy havin no God Damn sense, try and push me

Here, Mr. Carter gives us our first glimpse of why he places so much marginal disutility in (N) bitch-related problems. We are given from the text that in the past, Mr. Carter did himself have bitch-related problems, as is evidenced by his need to “strong arm” hoes in an apparent to attempt to offset the costs associated with dealing with these bitches.
In the next line we are thrown a monkey wrench, however. We are told that the definition we have been using all along for girl, bitch and hoe is inaccurate for his analysis. He tells us that by hoe, he is not referring to the definition meaning female member of the species, but instead he is referring to a much larger bi-gender group characterized by their hoe nature and tendency for lack of mental awareness.
We must make a dramatic halt to our critique and return to his original thesis statement to incorporate this unforeseen nuance.

If you're havin' girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

It has become clear from our deeper analysis that Mr. Carter is not concerned with the female species at all in his analysis. This means that we must refine several assertions that were overzealously adopted prior to our true understanding:
(1) the “rap patrol” previously determined to be consisted exclusively of men, now may be assumed to be a coed organization.
(2) “girl problems,” which were previously assumed to fall under the traditional definition of problems relating to: “a female child from birth to adulthood” (source Merriam Webster) must be refined to mean problems relating to any individual exhibiting female characteristics and lacking basic comprehension (see “havin no goddamn sense”).
(3) marginal disutility is found with problems associated with this newly defined subgroup and not, as was previously assumed, with the female race.
Now that we have made these essential clarifications, we may resume our analysis and venture deeper into his intellectual cavern to find more about this group that he cryptically refers to as girls, bitches and hoes.

You know the type loud as a motor bike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
The only thing that's gonna happen is I'ma get to clappin
He and his boys gon be yappin to the captain

Ahhhh! Mr. Carter has made us wait until the near end for clarity, but gives it to us in very concise and descriptive terms. We may now revise our analysis to read that (N) related problems are problems associated with individuals that exhibit the faux pas characteristics of acting like a bitch, not having common sense, talking loudly while being incapable of turning those words into action and being prone to snitching.
At this point in the opus we have identified three important features that deserve reiterating;

(1) problems associated with group (N) create marginal disutility for Mr. Carter.
(2) Mr. Carter at one time did, but no longer has (N) related problems.
(3) The absolute value of (N) related problems is some exponential degree greater than (A) related problems.

We are left with two unanswered questions: specifically, what is Mr. Carter doing now that allows him to avoid (N) related problems that had escaped him prior and why do (N) related problems create such distinctively larger disutility than (A) related problems. Unfortunately for the listener, these questions go unanswered. We are left to ponder the reasons for his personal aversion to (N) related problems and wonder why our own utility structures do not share such an unqualified distortion. We are left puzzled to say the least, wandering aimlessly in the donjons of Mr. Carter’s unqualified conundrum.

This author finds himself more confused now than before he opened up Mr. Carter’s work. I find his self-appointed title as “best rapper” is not supported by the evidence, as his argument lacks several important features, most significantly a qualifying rationale for his entire assertion. Let’s hope analysis of his future songs will not leave us so unfulfilled.

Argument Presentation: D+