Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me!

I am sitting in a cafe writing this on my iPad whilst supping a tasty cappuccino. I am looking forward to an enjoyable lunch with my Mum, sister, wife and kids and then an early dinner out with just my three. My 3 year old daughter is beyond excited. She really gets that today is Daddy’s special day. What better gift could one want than a 3 year old bursting with joy because it is your Birthday? Makes today better even than my best childhood Birthday (sorry Mum).

I was tempted to give writing a skip today but as I sat here I felt inspired to write something. Something a bit more touchy feely than perhaps I normally write but important none-the-less. I want to talk about what makes you happy. What you want.

Many people will have no doubt tried to tell you what you should want during the course of your life. Possibly starting with your parents trying to prod you into certain hobbies, academic subjects, university courses and careers. They were probably supported by your teachers with their (and I am not knocking them here as my parents were both teachers) limited world view. How can most teachers have anything else when they have never worked or lived outside of academic institutions?

And, when you’re older a whole crowd of others from friends to colleagues and from personal development consultants to business srtategists – all want to tell you how to live your life.

As a motivational speaker it is important that I am on top of what’s out there so I have read and listened to these people over the years. Some of them have inspired me. Some of them haven’t. Some of them have interesting things to say. And some don’t. But they all tend to have one thing in commmon… they want to tell you how much you can be, how much you can do and how much you can achieve. And they all look at things from their own perspectives.

“Gurus” usually talk about millionaire and billionaire business people, top sports stars and people who have changed the world. They talk about famous names and people who have dedicated their lives to great causes. I don’t debate that these things are amazing nor that they can be motivational and if you want this kind of Legacy then good on you. Go for it. Do it. Achieve it. Make your billions. Change the world.

But I have always doubted the relevance of these kinds of stories for many people. I just don’t think they resonate with many. Not at the level at which they make real changes anyway. They may be inspiring but when people try and take on these kinds of journeys they often clash with other important parts of their lives.

I remember reading a book called “Build Your Own Guthrie” by Dan Penna. You’ve probably never heard of him. I wouldnt expect you to have. You’re probably unlikely to read his book either as it cost me £277 to get my hands on it. Was it worth it? Maybe. Probably. Possibly not. Who can say?

Dan Penna is a billionaire. He scoffs at millionaires. He scoffs at half-hearted attempts to make it. Dan Penna is all in. He is committed. For him, billions are the only figures worth measuring. In his book, he describes how he never attended any of his children’s Birthday parties, missed his wedding anniversaries, never went on holidays and rarely made Christmas lunch. His mission was to grow businesses and make billions. Money clearly the driving factor for him. But that’s a rare world view. Rare indeed.

And that’s certainly not the life that I want. And it’s not the legacy I want. That’s not my journey. I don’t want to leave cash and businesses and kids who barely saw me. I don’t want to leave a wife who could do anything she wanted and walk around dripping in diamonds as big as the Ritz but we don’t get to spend any time together.

Did Dan Penna’s book help me? Yes. Did I get £277 of value from it? Yes. For me, it reinforced what was really important to me and helped me get rid of the last vestiges of inherited dreams of a legacy that I did not and do not want.

I have mentioned my grandfather before but not in detail. Poppa, as we knew him, was my Mum’s father. He knew what he wanted. He and his wife lived in a nice tree-lined street in St Annes-Upon-Sea. They lived in a typical early 1900s corner-plot semi with three bedrooms and one bathroom. My Mum and her sister were brought up there, at one point with Grannie too.

Poppa worked in a bank in St Annes. He worked as a cashier. And he worked there for his whole career, war excepting. He never took promotion because that would have meant moving to another branch and being unable to walk home for lunch with my Nana. He was happy with his role, his limited money and his job meeting people. He had time and energy for the people and the hobbies that he Loved. He did not want to do extraordinary things, he wanted to do normal things in an extraordinary manner.

Poppa loved his small garden. He loved growing vegetables, fruit and flowers. He loved driving up to Fleetwood and Morecambe to buy fresh seafood. He loved spending time with his wife. He loved spending time with his daughters. He loved a beer. He went to the pub to meet his friends and have a drink. He played jazz on the piano.

Watching my Nana and my Poppa holding hands on their 50th wedding anniversary, doddery and old but still clearly in love was one of the most moving things that I have ever seen in my life.

He was happy. And his legacy is two well-balanced, happy daughters and grand-children who all remember him fondly. And, despite the fact that I would bet my bottom dollar than no-one ever spoke to him about his legacy, I know that he would have been delighted with his.

The point is that you must not let others dictate your dreams and your direction in life to you. You must not let others tell you how to think or what you want. You must not let others steer your course. If you do, you will never find the true you.

When I was 17, I was smart and intelligent but not interested in academia. I was going through the motions en route to university because that is what you do. As part of this, I applied for a university sponsorship from a major UK bank. Can any of you see me working in a bank? Any of you? Didn’t think so.

Anyway, on paper I looked great so I got short-listed and ended up in the last round of interviews where someone asked me what I wanted out of life. I hadn’t prepared any answer to this, no-one had schooled me on bank speak but I knew I should say something about career or international business or leadership or similar but I had had enough and I decided to be open and honest…

“I just want to be happy,” I said.

The three interviewers shifted uncomfortably and one followed up, giving me a chance to redeem myself, “And what would make you happy?”

“Getting up every day and feeling good about life. You know, happy.”

I did not “pass” the interview and I was not offered the sponsorship. Needless to say however, in true Alan Partridge style, I did get the last laugh…

20 years later… picture the scene. A large, corporate training centre based in acres of fields somewhere in the South of England. The sun is shining and leaders from all around the world are in attendance to learn about emotional intelligence – to learn how better to connect with others by understanding themselves, to learn how to be happy. Happy and more connected with themselves, with others and with their lives. They file in waiting to hear what the secret component is, waiting to hear what they’ve missed, waiting to hear the “expert”…

Me.

You couldn’t make this s**t up.

Please don’t misinterpret me here. This is not a missive to small thinking. This is not an excuse for inaction of epic proportions. This is not a call for people to down tools and lie on beaches.

No.

This is a call to work out what is truly important to you. To work out what you really want your life to look like. To work out what you want your business to look like. And to take action to move towards that.

If you don’t, what’s the point?

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The post It’s Your Birthday, What Do You Want From Your Life? appeared first on Gavin Ingham | Motivational Speaker, Conference Speaker & Coach..