Question:

Hello Jay I read your first ask jay and I loved the advice you gave so I wanted to ask you a question.  Me  and my childhood best friend have known each other for over twenty five years.  We have stayed extremely close over the years even though we moved to different parts of our state. Recently I’ve gotten a divorce and have moved back to my hometown. We began to hang out all the time more than we have done in about ten years. At first I guess I brushed it off but I started to notice how she can sometimes be toxic and Negative with her opinions on my Relationship Status and my newly found success in my career. I am torn because I know that I don’t want negativity in my life at the same time I love my friend she has been with me through thick and thin. I know this is not a excuse but she has been going through somethings the last few years and I don’t want to just leave her by herself. I really need your help what should I do.

– Lost & Confused

Answer:

Well let’s go ahead and get down to the nitty-gritty the situation you’ve described is simply a friendship that may not be in your best interest to stay in.  You’ve said “I started to notice how she can sometimes be toxic and negative with her opinions on my relationship status and my newly found success in my career”. This is imperative that you actually understand what you’ve said. Basically your friend is being what I like to call a “Negative Nancy” she could be doing this for a plethora of reasons. One she may be unhappy with her own life, two she is jealous or envious of you or three she might have developed  this negative outlook while you’ all were not in the same city. Sometimes we don’t realize the impact people in our lives have on us. Associating ourselves with the wrong people can affect our lives in a major way. You also stated that you’ve achieved some new success in your career which is great, but for continued success and growth in any area of our life negativity cannot be tolerated. Now I’m not saying to go ahead and end a twenty plus year friendship, but I would suggest if you haven’t already brought this to her attention. Let her know exactly what is bothering you and how her comments make you feel. This may help resolve the issue, because it is a possibility she doesn’t know her comment are affecting you the way they are. In the end if you communicate your concerns to your friend and the negativity doesn’t stop. I would recommend ending the friendship and moving on.

What are your thoughts have you been in this situation before? Comment below.

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