Ashley Madison sounds like an innocuous name, but when 30 million of its clients’ information were leaked recently, it became clear to the world that what it stands for is adultery. Immediately, the media and Facebook erupted with gleeful declarations of what famous or public people had their reputations smeared by the release of the hacked data and many joked that this is a happy day for Divorce attorneys.
It is not. Most Divorce Attorneys are not blood sucking monsters who want to see their clients go through one of the most horrific of personal pains, the betrayal of a spouse, and in such a public way. Although the data is “buried” on the deep web, where it is not quite as easy to access as if it were a few Google clicks away, many people have been humiliated and damaged by this news. Several suicides have even been linked to the leak. Families have been torn apart.
The fact is, as a divorce attorney I have had people come into my office many times and confess that they have had an affair. I also have had people come in full of rage and pain because their spouse had. The Family Court in New Jersey, however, is far more concerned with what you will do once you file that complaint: what is in the best interests of your children? Where will the assets and liabilities fall? They are significantly less interested in the agonizing circumstances that led to such a serious decision. As lawyers, it’s not our job to judge, to gossip, or to rub our hands gleefully when people are suffering. It is our job to help our clients solve the legal problems that erupt from the very private emotional pains that can pass between people.
Filing for divorce and asserting a claim of adultery instead of using irreconcilable differences in New Jersey generally provides little advantage, except in special circumstances. It also preserves a public record of this accusation that may one day be accessible by your children, so if it has no advantage I counsel clients to not go that route out of mere revenge.
Real Talk: If you are filing for divorce to get even you will not be satisfied. Family court rarely provides opportunities for people to walk out feeling vindicated. The hurt doesn’t go away. No judge will ever know the right words to say to make you feel better. No amount of money (not that you shouldn’t take everything to which you are entitled) will ease that feeling of sorrow. The legal system has it’s limits. It can not heal a broken heart. All it can do is help you move on with your life so that you can work on that yourself.
So if your spouse, or you, is cheating – Ashley Madison or not – seek counseling. Address the pain. Get your support system around you. See a lawyer to discuss your options when and if you are ready to move on.
We’ll be here when you are ready. If you are considering starting divorce proceedings or just want to know what they might entail please give us a call at (856)227-7888 for a free consult.
Read also:
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Shorter Marriages Don’t Always Mean Fewer Alimony Checks
Changed Circumstances and Support Obligations
College Contribution and Divorce
Common Questions About Child Support
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