This 44-year-old man and his ex-wife, Sarah, 43, got divorced not long ago, and it was bitter and tense.

They have joint 50/50 Custody of their three daughters, who are ages 3, 6, and 9. The placement schedule is two days with one parent, the following two days with the other, and alternating weekends in which their daughters are with that parent for five days.

He and Sarah hired a nanny who takes care of their daughters after school since they both have full-time jobs.

“When the girls are in my care, my ex reaches out to the nanny to see them or have them stop by where she is without consulting me,” he said.

Multiple times, he’s requested that Sarah keep him in the loop about this because they don’t have clear boundaries and rules about how each parent should behave when the other has custody.

Whenever Sarah has randomly asked to see their daughters for these short periods of time while he has custody, he’s realized that their daughters always seem unhappy afterward.

Due to the dip in their daughters’ moods, he asked Sarah to stop doing this.

“Rather than addressing me directly, she texts the nanny (and sometimes includes me), telling her to meet her somewhere with the kids. Today, Sarah texts the nanny (including me in the message) and tells us she wants to pick up the middle girl tomorrow at 3:30 in the afternoon to talk with her,” he explained.

This was after Sarah had already had custody of their daughters for two days, and he had just gotten custody that day.

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Plus, he only had custody of them for two days before Sarah would have them starting on Friday night for her custody weekend.

He texted Sarah and asked her to wait until she has custody of their daughters again on Friday or just call their daughter to have a talk.

In response, Sarah asked him if he was insinuating that she didn’t have the right to see their daughters.

He said that he would be grateful for her to save these talks for when she has custody, which started on Friday and lasted through Tuesday.

“She says, ‘I don’t stop being their mom just because it’s Thursday. I say, ‘No, of course you don’t. But you legally stop being their primary caregiver.’ If she does these things while they are in my care against my agreement, it seems to me she’s in violation of the court placement schedule. To take it further, if she coordinated with the nanny and she came to my house to get the kids without my knowledge, what about that isn’t kidnapping?” he shared.

Throughout this situation, his goal has been to prevent the nanny from feeling caught in the middle of the drama.

He let the nanny know that he was doing his best to get Sarah to communicate with him so that he could pass that information along to her.

He also told the nanny that he didn’t want her to argue or go against what Sarah asked of her, but he expressed that Sarah knew that he wanted to be kept in the loop, and he wanted Sarah to wait for her custody to see their daughters.

In his view, agreeing to uphold their custody stipulations was crucial, and he wanted Sarah to be on the same page as he was. In order for this to be possible, Sarah needs to communicate with him directly.

While he isn’t thrilled that she wants to see their daughters constantly during his custody time, the main issue for him is that she does this without letting him know and won’t communicate with him despite his request for her to do so.

It seems like Sarah wants to do whatever she feels without consulting anyone else. Sometimes, she doesn’t even update the nanny on her plans to see their daughters. In her view, since she is their mother, she should be able to do this.

Someday, he hopes that he and Sarah can be civil and even friendly with one another. At the same time, he wants her to acknowledge his role as their daughters’ father. Also, he pointed out that before they divorced, he was the primary caregiver.

What would you do if you were in his shoes?

You can read the original post on Reddit here.

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