This 43-year-old man has been dating his 39-year-old Girlfriend for more than a year now, and interestingly enough, they never even brought up how they feel about marriage until two months ago.
He and his girlfriend have never been married, and not only was marriage a topic they never discussed, but they also never brought up details of spending their lives together or what the future could look like for them.
He has always hesitated to address a future with his girlfriend because he’s on the fence. She was actually the one who broached the topic of marriage a few months ago, and she revealed to him that she is ready to walk down the aisle.
He, however, is not. He really disappointed his girlfriend when he informed her that he is not sure about getting married to her.
“She had assumed I would be 100% ready,” he explained. “Furthermore, she told me that she wanted to get married by this coming February because her mom would be visiting soon from out of the country and would be heading back home in February.”
“So the time from which we first started discussing marriage (August) to her ideal marriage date (February) leaves only 6 months for me to make up my mind, get engaged, plan the wedding, and have the wedding. The main reason she gives for insisting on a rapid Timeline is concern over her biological clock. Both of us do want to have kids.”
“I was completely freaked out and caught off guard by her proposed timeline. I’m a very analytical person, a classic overthinker, and prone to heavy anxiety over big decisions. I told her my ideal timeline would be to get engaged by February, not married. I felt this would give us enough time to thoroughly discuss our future before getting engaged and enough time for me to feel comfortable about the decision.”
He is not willing to compromise on his timeline, and she’s not either. He knows in his heart he needs to take some more time to figure out if marriage is for him at all, but his girlfriend insists he has had a ton of time to decide already.
He has done his best to empathize with his girlfriend and what she wants, but his girlfriend is not trying to do the same thing for him. She has shown him zero empathy for not being positive that he would like to marry her.
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Earlier this week, he met up with his girlfriend, and she actually issued him an ultimatum. She said she cannot wait any longer for him to make up his mind, so she gave him until the end of the week to make a choice.
Either he commits to marrying her this upcoming February, or she is breaking up with him for good.
“I’ve been in an anxiety-ridden, depressive state all week from the pressure,” he said. “I definitely don’t feel ready to make a decision, but I also don’t want to miss a chance on what could potentially be a great future with her just because I was being indecisive. I also don’t want to hurt her.”
“Any advice on how best to navigate this ultimatum? Do you think she’s right that I should have been able to decide by now? I appreciate any advice, including if there is some way to navigate this situation while honoring my need for more time and her need for a decision.”
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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