Two weeks ago, this 31-year-old man and his wife, Jess, 30, had their first child together.

Jess has several weeks of maternity leave from her job, and his job is hybrid. After the birth of their child, he’s been able to work remotely, but there isn’t much paternity leave offered at his company.

Understandably, even though they’re obviously thrilled with this new journey into parenthood, it’s been overwhelming as well. They spend so much time taking care of their baby and aren’t sleeping much. Plus, he has to work all day. Naturally, they’re extremely tired.

He tries to help Jess with the baby as much as possible during his workday, as well as in the morning and at night. Plus, he’s planning to take a leave from work soon so that he can be more available to take care of the baby. For Jess, not only is this an emotionally and mentally trying period in her life, but she is also physically healing from giving birth.

Luckily, Jess’s Mother stayed with them and helped them for their first couple of weeks as new parents. This was the plan for months prior to the birth, and Jess’s mother was in the delivery room at Jess’s request. They have been greatly appreciative of the support his mother-in-law has provided during this exciting but stressful time.

Then, his mother planned, without asking for his or Jess’s opinions, to come see the baby immediately. She only told him of her idea right after the delivery, which was an incredibly busy time because he was also working and bringing Jess and their child to doctors’ appointments.

When he found out his mother’s plan, he and Jess said that they needed some time after having the baby so that they could settle into their new life and Jess could focus on recovering. They told his mother that they’d like at least a month before she came to visit, and at first, it seemed like she accepted their boundaries.

“That understanding apparently vanished when the baby was born, and now she is insisting on coming to ‘hold the baby.’ For background, my mom has a long track record of rubbing people the wrong way with obnoxious, manipulative, and superficially nice/actually petty and rude behavior, then crying victim that everyone has always been so mean to her,” he said.

Numerous people have made him aware of his mother’s toxic behavior, and unfortunately, his father hasn’t done anything to stop it and even twists situations to make those on the receiving end of the negativity feel like they’re in the wrong.

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Over the years, his mother has found ways to make family members’ birthdays, weddings, and funerals all about her and has victimized herself and claimed that others have wronged her somehow.

So, he and Jess are not in a headspace where they could handle his mother visiting them. Since everyone else in his family would be working, and his mother didn’t have a job, she would be coming to see them on her own. The sole reason would be for her to see her grandchild for the first time, not to help them out in any way.

He and Jess asked his mother if she could wait until December to come and visit or they could come to see her. This time frame would work better because they would have plenty of time to settle into more of a routine with parenting, and Jess would feel a lot better physically.

Plus, their baby would have had the three-month shots, and more of the family would have been able to meet the baby instead of just his mother if she had come on her own when the rest of the family was unavailable to travel.

“My parents said it was unacceptable to make my mom wait that long to see her grandchild,” he explained.

Not only did his parents bombard him and Jess with text messages and phone calls, but they also contacted Jess’s parents and his siblings to express their frustrations.

After his parents wouldn’t leave them alone, he and Jess agreed that his mother could come to visit them for a “‘couple of days, max,'” which was exactly the amount of time that his parents had promised it would be.

However, his parents instantly walked that back, claiming that his mother should be able to stay at least five days. His parents told him and Jess that any amount of time less than that wouldn’t be worth the trip, adding that it wouldn’t be fair since Jess’s mother visited for so much longer than what his mother requested.

Now that he and Jess are parents, they have to take even more health precautions than they ever have before.

His parents are always taking trips, and while he and Jess acknowledge that people obviously still get sick during the winter, they just can’t afford to get sick right now when they’re already struggling so much with sleep and functioning on a daily basis.

“My parents are saying they want to book the flight before prices go up. We asked them to stick to the shorter stay they suggested or (preferably) to take us up on the original offer of early December. They said no to both of those options. We said just forget the whole thing then and told them not to come at all,” he shared.

After that, he received text messages and voicemails from family members who said he was a jerk for not allowing his mother to meet her grandchild soon after the birth.

Upon reflection, he worries that he was wrong for how he reacted to his parents wanting to have a longer visit. He feels a sense of loyalty to his family, but at the same time, Jess has expressed for a long time that she wants space as a new mother. It’s hurtful for him to see his parents disrespect Jess’s wishes.

After discussing the situation, both he and Jess think that they’d be extremely overwhelmed if his mother visited them, especially considering how difficult it sometimes is to be around her. He believes that he and Jess are taking their own well-being into consideration.

Do you think he did the right thing by not allowing his mother to meet her grandchild?

You can read the original post on Reddit here.

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