This 29-year-old guy and his 28-year-old girlfriend, Jane, have been together for several years, and in hindsight, he admits that the start of their relationship was somewhat rash.

He and Jane knew one another for a couple of years prior to dating, and they ended up becoming fast friends.

They had a ton in common, their values matched up, and they had a really great time hanging out together.

But, back then, Jane had a serious boyfriend, and they never crossed the friendship line because of that.

Later on, he ended up dating a girl for two years before dumping her, as he couldn’t picture spending his life with this girl.

About two months or so after he dumped that girl, Jane dumped her boyfriend and said she just wanted to be single for a bit.

“That’s where the reckless thing I mentioned happened,” he explained. “We reconnected as friends and as single people this time.”

“We grew closely very fast. I think we both felt like the universe was aligning since we both ended relationships just to end up talking again. So we…well, hung out a lot. Dates, kisses…all of it. It was lovely. Nothing close to what I felt in my previous relationship, and she said the same.”

“The reckless part was that this was going really fast. She wanted to be single for a while, and only after 2 months we hit it off. Her previous relationship lasted for half a decade. We both knew it was too soon, but we couldn’t help ourselves.”

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This brings us to now: he is in love with Jane, and he recently proposed to her. Jane is the girl of his dreams and the person he wants to spend his entire life with.

Marriage is really serious to him, but he thinks that Jane works wonderfully with him. They do basically everything together.

But, as soon as he gave Jane the ring, she told him something that completely and utterly shocked him and upended his life.

“Then she dropped some information on me that I did not expect at all. In a million years, I wouldn’t expect it,” he said.

“Jane said that in the early part of our relationship, she kissed her roommate Richard when alcohol was involved at a bar. The kiss was initiated by him. He was constantly showering her with nice words and wanted to kiss her, and she kept saying no until eventually she didn’t.”

“When they both got home, she locked the door and didn’t let Richard in when he wanted to. The kiss happened two more times in the next two days, where it was pretty much the same, but no alcohol was involved. He initiated and kept going for it. It never got past kissing and maybe some body caressing.

Back then, he and Jane were in a long-distance relationship since she was studying abroad for a semester, but they had been in a committed relationship for an entire year.

As Jane was filling him in about making out with her roommate Richard, she was sobbing and hyperventilating.

Jane stated that she could never live with herself if she didn’t share this information with him before accepting his engagement ring.

Jane looked like she was going to be sick, and she claimed everything with Richard was a terrible mistake on her part that she desperately wishes she could take back.

He does believe Jane and thinks that she does deeply regret what she did with Richard, but he isn’t sure how to even move on from this.

“The issue I have is just I have no idea how to process this,” he continued. “This was, like, four years ago. Why didn’t she tell me this right away?”

“I feel like all the work we’ve done as a couple, and all the memories we created since then are tainted in some way. I’m thankful that it never got past kissing, but that’s still cheating, right?”

“I’m glad that it was her telling me this information instead of me somehow finding this out. I asked how did you manage to keep this guilt for so long, and she said she was scared that I would end the relationship. When I asked what was she thinking at the time when the kisses happened, she couldn’t really give a definitive answer. She said it felt nice to feel physically wanted, as we were long-distance then.”

Jane also revealed that in kissing Richard, she got to experience the freedom she so craved and never got to have right after she dumped her last boyfriend and got serious with him.

Jane didn’t really place any blame on him, as she admitted to crossing a line. Jane mentioned she would completely understand if he felt that he no longer loved her in light of this information.

Jane was an emotional wreck as she told him this, but that doesn’t fix the current issue at hand for him.

“I don’t know if this is my logic or heart telling me that this is something I can (or want to) forgive,” he continued.

“When I decided I would propose, I solidified my want to be with her for the rest of my life. Now that I heard this information, I’m second-guessing everything.”

He is left wondering what he can even do to begin processing this in an effective way. He and Jane are planning on attending therapy together in an effort to work through everything.

Jane has since given him back the ring, and marriage is no longer in the cards for them any time soon.

“Of course, the ring is off the table,” he added. “She gave me back the ring as we both agreed that this is not going to happen now or ever at all.”

“I’m not really questioning if I should marry her. As I said in my post, I’m very serious when it comes to marriage. I do not believe marrying or having a child will “magically” fix a relationship either.”

“Marrying someone, in my opinion, is the result of two people working hard to make a relationship work and worth fighting for to the point you bet your whole life the work paid off. I’m questioning if it’s worth it to pursue rebuilding the trust, as the last few years have been really great.”

What advice do you have for him?

You can read the original post on Reddit here.

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