Let’s start with an undeniable truth–all children Lie, whether they’re toddlers or teens, and they do so for various reasons. Even adults lie! At some point in our lives, we’ve all sugarcoated the truth to protect someone else’s feelings or told a small fib to get out of an unpleasant chore.
No one wants their child to be a liar, but it might help to know that Lying is very common among children. It’s a normal part of their development.
Of course, as parents, it’s your job to manage this behavior so that it doesn’t get out of hand. The goal is to teach your Kid to value and understand the importance of honesty.
Parents have the most influence on their children’s levels of honesty. If parents lie to kids during their childhood, those kids are much more likely to grow up telling lies to get out of trouble.
As kids get older, their lies become increasingly complex, and the motivation behind the lies will change. At each stage of development, there are different ways to handle a child’s dishonesty. Here is an age-by-age on how to address moments when your kid is caught in a lie.
Just like adults, children lie for personal gain, to avoid consequences, or to spare someone’s feelings. Kids can begin lying as early as two-years-old.
At ages two to four, toddlers don’t have a very strong grasp on where the truth begins or ends. Children this young do not have the ability to deceive others in a malicious manner.
Toddlers are just learning how to navigate the world. So when your toddler insists that their younger sibling ate their cookie, refrain from angrily pointing out the lie. Instead, use a mild tone to make an observation about the cookie crumbs covering your toddler’s chin.
At this age, kids are too young to be punished for lying, but it’s never too early to encourage truthfulness. Children’s books about telling the truth can help introduce the virtue of honesty.
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Once kids hit age four, their language skills have improved, and they’ll be able to tell outright lies. Their lies will mainly focus on denying a behavior. For example, if you ask whether or not your child stole a sibling’s toy, they might respond with “no,” even though it’s obvious they did so.
It’s important to explain what exactly a lie is and why it’s bad. The conversation doesn’t have to be lengthy as long as you get the message through to them. Be firm and serious about it but not angry or harsh.
By the time kids enter their school years at ages five to eight, they become better at concealing their lies, but they’re still pretty easy to detect. At this stage, it’s common for kids to lie in order to please others.
Have an open conversation about truthfulness with your child whenever the topic arises. Also, make sure to provide praise when your child is being honest. Positive reinforcement will encourage them to engage in behaviors you actually want to see.
Older children, ages nine to twelve, are better at maintaining their lies when questioned. Longer conversations about lying are necessary, especially when it comes to the idea of “little white lies.”
Make sure your child understands the difference between downright dishonesty and telling a small fib out of politeness.
Even with in-depth discussions about honesty and being a good role model for your child, they are still not always going to tell the truth. Before reacting to their lies, think about their reasoning behind the lie so you can respond accordingly.
What kind of punishments should you inflict on a lying child? Well, you actually want to avoid punishment because it can make your child want to keep lying in the future out of fear.
Lying often has natural consequences, which can serve as their “punishment.” For example, if your child told you that they folded their laundry but really just stuffed everything into the drawers, they will have to face the consequence of taking the clothes out to re-fold them.
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