This 25-year-old woman has known her Boyfriend, who is also 25, for about a year. But they’ve only been officially dating for six months, and he recently threw her for a loop after asking if she would mind if he went on a trip with his ex-girlfriend for a couple of days.

She was obviously caught off guard and told her boyfriend that, honestly, she would mind.

However, according to him, his ex-girlfriend had planned the trip and intended to go alone regardless of whether he went or not. Then, his ex asked him to tag along.

Her boyfriend detailed how his ex was dating casually but was not going out with anyone serious. He also pointed out how, in their past relationship, he and his ex mutually realized they just were not compatible as partners before having an amicable split.

So, her boyfriend and his ex remained good friends after the breakup, and she was previously aware that they still sometimes spoke or hung out alone.

“And I didn’t have a problem with it,” she admitted.

“I don’t want to tell him what to do or set ‘rules’ because I believe people can be friends with their exes, and I believe if someone wants to cheat, they’ll do it regardless of my arbitrary ‘rules.’ So, I try to trust my partner to be open with me.”

Once her boyfriend brought up the idea of taking an entire trip with his ex, though, she started to have second thoughts.

Her boyfriend tried to claim that she never minded in the past when they spoke, and he didn’t understand what was different about him and his ex going away together.

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But, she simply sees going away together as a more close and serious experience– even if her boyfriend disagrees.

He claimed that he and his ex had gone on various trips together already, so he really didn’t think it was a big deal.

For context, she and her boyfriend also have not gone on any kind of trip since they started dating. Sure, they’ve had countless sleepovers at each other’s homes, but they’ve never gone away together yet.

Not to mention she and her boyfriend had also discussed how they feel about being non-monogamous in the past, and they both expressed how they were open to exploring the idea of opening up their relationship in the future. However, neither of them has done that yet or is actively looking for other partners.

Anyway, in terms of the trip discussion, it felt like she and her boyfriend reached an impasse. If she didn’t want him to go, then she knew that her boyfriend would likely be upset with her and resent her. At the same time, she would feel pretty guilty about basically telling her boyfriend what to do.

On the other hand, if her boyfriend did go away with his ex, she knew she would feel upset and resentful. Plus, she’s not sure if her boyfriend would feel guilty, too, and be unable to even enjoy the trip.

“I really don’t know how to solve it,” she said, “So I just told him to do whatever he wants since it’s going to be difficult either way.”

She’s since confided in a bunch of friends about the situation, too, and they all agreed that feeling jealous, insecure, or simply upset about the trip was justified. So now, she has no idea how to handle this situation and what kind of “reasonable compromise” to ask for.

“I don’t even know what exactly it is I feel insecure about– because, as I said, they already hang out, and I don’t have a problem with that,” she revealed.

“So I’m not even sure what to ask him for.”

She did tell her boyfriend to do whatever he wanted since she didn’t want to explicitly tell him not to go on the trip. That’s why, after reflecting on the issue, she thinks she has two options.

She could either accept the situation and allow her boyfriend to go on the trip. Or, she could decide that her boyfriend going away is a deal breaker for her in their relationship.

Still, she’s been left wondering whether she should get more involved and try to figure out more context– either by asking to speak to his boyfriend’s ex or speaking to some of her boyfriend’s friends, who were there for his past relationship.

“I don’t want to do something like ask him to call me every day during the trip. That doesn’t feel productive to me, personally,” she vented.

“And it’s not that I don’t trust him or I think something will happen. Maybe it’s just the emotional implication of it all.”

How would you feel if your boyfriend wanted to go away on a trip with their ex? Can you understand why she doesn’t want to tell him what to do? At the same time, does she have every right to feel upset that her boyfriend even wants to go in the first place? Would this be a deal breaker for you?

You can read the original post on Reddit here.

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