The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Katharina Buczek.

Falling in Love with someone’s Potential does not necessarily mean you want to change them. On the contrary, you may have just recognized the best, most genuine characteristics of someone– and imagined all of the soaring places these shiny parts of their persona could take you as a couple.

There is nothing wrong with seeing the potential in anyone. In fact, it shows that you are a believer who loves so hard that your feelings transcend the present to wonder about a possible future.

Yet, the hardest part about loving someone “with potential” is the risk. Just like the stock market, a possible high “reward” is balanced by the opposite– a possibility that your investment will crash and burn.

So, if you fell head over heels for someone and were wide-eyed about the amazing possibilities, you are undoubtedly one thing: courageous. Maybe you were young and seemingly had your “whole life ahead of you.” At that point, the potential is at its maximum, and the only road is up, right?

Even in adulthood, you may have stumbled upon a person stuck in a less-than-optimal situation. But you recognized their sincerity, heart, and drive– wishing they would reach their full potential, achieve their dreams, and conquer the demons that had been following them for too long.

This way of loving is full-throttle, exhilarating, and daring. It comes with highs and lows that virtually no other relationship can provide. You could have fallen for someone who had everything together, who already knew themselves deeply and had a lot of the answers.

But you didn’t– and the idea that you both could grow and bloom together while figuring out life was wonderful. Well, until it all came crashing down.

The unfortunate truth about potential is that it is an unattainable idea. As people learn and navigate life, reaching higher heights than ever before, potential only grows. So, actually achieving your greatest potential is impossible– like a ceiling that continually rises the taller we get.

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At the same token, a seemingly high potential is not enough to drive a person forward. You might have even been right: the person you fell in love with may have very well escaped a bad circumstance, bettered themselves as a person, achieved self-love, or reached their goals.

Unfortunately, though, your hunch was never the deciding factor. In order for someone to learn, grow, be confident, and achieve more in their life, they have to want it. And they have to want it bad enough that they make the changes necessary.

It is impossible to know if a person will reach this turning point, a “rock bottom” that sends them into overdrive while they start to finally realize some of that potential.

On the flip side, it is equally impossible to know if, when a person reaches their lowest point, they just accept it. When you truly love someone, this can be a hard pill to swallow. You see them for who you think they really are. And in your heart, you may be entirely sure that they can do better, feel better, be better.

But sadly, your unwavering belief in a person is just not enough. And falling in love with potential that never comes close to reaching fruition can be heartbreaking. If you have been through a similar experience, you may feel as though you made a mistake, like your investment of time, energy, and love was wasted.

I am here to tell you, though, that falling in love with potential is perhaps the most unbelievable form of care we can achieve. You were able to connect and relate with someone– place your trust, faith, and belief in someone– without seeing any tangible indicators in the here and now.

Some may call that naive or ludicrous, but I believe that is the test of true care. You saw past the downfalls, the flaws, and the faults in someone– characteristics that every single person has as a human. Then, you still managed to see the good and provide unconditional love.

As we know, this is a risky endeavor. And if it did not end how you imagined, I am truly sorry. But you should never regret the love you showed someone when you saw their potential. After all, you just loved the best in someone and wanted them to see the best parts of themselves, too.

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