The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer.

Contrary to pop culture and popular belief, (mature) men and Women want similar things out of a Relationship. Usually, the confusion comes from communicating those needs and misinterpreting what the other wants from you.

Don’t get me wrong – men may want similar things, but they don’t want precisely the same things women do. Men operate using a different communication style and often require different emotional needs than women.

These differences are often subtle because men are human beings too, and many desires are the same regardless of your gender.

Men are not complicated – their needs are simple and easy enough to fulfill. Again, I’m speaking from my experiences as a man, and from men, I have worked professionally as a relationship coach.

So let’s look at what guys are trying to find in a relationship and how you can fulfill those needs.

#1: Men need to hear your approval and hear you praise them.

What you can do: is compliment him regularly.

Many men are ego-driven. This does not mean they are inherently arrogant or selfish – it only means their ego is fragile, so men need reassurance that they have qualities you like about them.

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There is a comedian that says men are like dogs. This is why they are obsessed with watching human fetch (football), Love back scratches, and LOVE IT when you tell them they did a good job.

By and large – this is accurate. Men like to be praised for their efforts. So if he takes out the trash for you, compliment him for it – chances are he will do it again because he likes the praise.

Compliment specific actions and qualities you appreciate, and you will see more of them. Men want to make you happy, so compliment them when they are on the right track.

Men want to know they are doing a good job and that their efforts are noticed.

#2: Men need time to be alone occasionally. 

What you can do: is give him space when he needs it.

Men are naturally more inclined to want alone time than women. This is due mainly to society encouraging men to be more independent than women.

If men don’t get enough time to themselves, they feel smothered and suffocated in the relationship. Men want a balance between having that special someone and still having their identity outside of the relationship.

You can give them the best of both worlds by respecting and encouraging their desire to have alone time.

If he wants to go fishing on his Saturday morning after a long work week, let him.

Also, if he works a lot, give him a few minutes to relax after work before pushing a conversation on him. You can also limit your plans during his free time if he doesn’t get much of it – find the balance between spending time together and letting him relax by himself.

He will appreciate your thoughtfulness and likely feel a stronger bond with you because you are so understanding.

#3: Men need to be able to be vulnerable without judgment.

From the moment we are born, men are taught to be strong and independent. Boys are taught that the stoic is the epitome of manliness – keeping a poker face and having exceptional emotional control. To show vulnerability is a weakness.

As a result, men often take longer than women to open up emotionally in a relationship.

So first off, patience will be necessary. Do not try to force him to open up – he will push back, and your job becomes more challenging.

Secondly, you need to demonstrate you can accept him in a vulnerable state. If he gets bad news or shows emotional vulnerability, you must show him you are okay with that. If he sees that you love and accept him even at his lowest, that emotional bond can blossom into a strong connection.

If he sees any hint that you cannot handle when he shows his emotions, he will bottle them back up and will be less likely to allow you to see them again.

#4: Men need to feel needed.

What you can do: is make them feel like a superhero to you.

Men want you to see them as your superhero. They want to be the one you turn to when you need a shelf fixed or a jar opened. They want you to be impressed when they complete a tough challenge you would have struggled with, such as fixing the car or moving the heavy desk across the room.

Ask them for help now and then (even if you don’t need their help) to give them this feeling. You can also ask for his advice to solve a problem (men love fixing things). Men want to feel like a hero, so give them opportunities to be your hero.

#5: Men need to feel like they are being dated too.

What you can do: is court them just as much as they court you.

Society puts a lot of pressure on men to be the courter in the relationship. He has to ask you about the date. He has to pay at the end of the date. He is responsible for initiating romance and intimacy in the relationship.

The fact of the matter is that men want an equal partnership.

You can accomplish this by being a little romantic yourself. Men tend to show their love through actions – so you can do the same. Offer to take him out for a date. Offer to pay for dinner instead of him. Give him affection randomly. Shoot him some sweet texts throughout the day.

Show him that you can also be the courter in the relationship – it will encourage him to keep courting you. In turn, both of you will feel appreciated in the relationship.

Honorable mentions

This list is far from exhaustive. Some other needs men have in the relationship include:

-Show interest in his hobbies and likes

-Keep your promises

-Be respectful

-Be his cheerleader when he pursues a goal

-Be open to compromise

-Be loyal

If you didn’t notice, many of these needs are probably similar to needs you might have as a woman. As I said, men and women may have nuances, but deep down, they want similar things in a relationship.

What needs would you add to this list? 

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