Trust-based relationships at work are the foundation for healthy organisational performance. We are social beings. However, what is often described as social or psychological is actually biological. Relationships are an essential aspect of evolution: living in groups has been critical for our survival as a species.

Over millions of years of evolution, we have developed capabilities to quickly judge if we can trust others — mostly without conscious awareness. At times, we may refer to this as “gut feelings”. More scientifically, we would refer to “neuroception” and “interoception” (See, e.g. Porges 2017).

Not only our hunter-gather ancestors benefited from productive human connections. Also in our “modern” societies, our well-being depends on sound relationships.

A Harvard study revealed that “people who are more socially connected to family, friends, and others are happier and healthier, and live longer than people who are less well connected.” (Harvard Health Letter, 2017) In contrast, loneliness leads to less happiness, earlier health decline, and a decline in brain function!

Functioning relationships are also critical for motivation and performance at work: Sirota and Klein identified camaraderie, defined as “having warm, interesting and cooperative relations with others in the workplace “, as a primary goal of people at work. (Sirota and Klein, 2013)

Blickle and Hogan categorised getting along as a basic human motive: “Human beings are inherently social and at a deep and often unconscious level need companionship and social acceptance, and they dread rejection and isolation.” (Blickle and Hogan, 2017)

So, the question for leaders is not ‘should I focus on people or results?’ Leaders must focus on people to get results.

Building productive relationships at work is a mission-critical task for leaders. We may refer to relationship-building as a soft skill, but what is underlying relationships is hard biology. A biology that takes place without our conscious awareness.

What can leaders do to nurture productive relationships?

1) Check your attitude when interacting with others.

Common how-to advice suggests, for instance, that leaders should listen more and ask more questions to demonstrate that they value the other person. However, we often neglect that it is not just the “doing” but that the underlying attitude or mindset is crucial: are you really interested in what the other person has to say?

Research suggests that our attitude towards others hugely impacts their performance (c.f. Rosenthal, Jacobson, 1968). In other words, if you believe the people you work with are heroes, they might become heroes. If you believe they are idiots…

2) Be consistent.

Building relationships is not a one-time activity. It’s about how you show up consistently. Do you come across as authentic? Are you walking your own talk?

3) Learn how human emotions work.

Emotions are the result of a complex neuro-biology. “E-motions” provide energy for action. You need to be aware of your emotions and learn how to regulate your responses to emotions. You need to get a sense of the emotions of others (empathy) and understand how others respond to your behaviours (in other words, what emotions you evoke in them).

Leaders need to avoid triggering a “fear response” in others, often evoked by tone of voice, facial expressions, and other non-verbal signals submitted and received non-consciously. Instead, they need to nurture emotions such as joy, excitement, and trust.

(For more details on emotions, check out the Second Crack — The Leadership Podcast episode “Emotions @Work – How Leaders Can Release Human Energy in Organisations”. A short written summary is also here.)

Reflection Questions for Leaders

• At work today, have I made genuine connections with people? How?
• How do other people perceive me/my behaviours?
•  How do I think about other people at work? Do I believe in their potential and that they can become heroes? Or have I already labelled them in a certain way that will limit their potential?

References

Blickle G., Hogan R. (2017) ‘Socioanalytic Perspective’ in: Zeigler-Hill V., Shackelford T. (eds) Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-28099-8_1186-1

Harvard Health Publishing. “Can Relationships Boost Longevity and Well-Being?” Harvard Health Letter, June 2017, www.health.harvard.edu/mental-health/can-relationships-boost-longevity-and-well-being.

Porges, Stephen W. The Pocket Guide to Polyvagal Theory : The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe. New York, N.Y., W.W Norton & Company, 2017.

Rosenthal, R. and Jacobson, L. (1968) ‘Pygmalion in the classroom’ The Urban Review, [online] 3(1), pp.16–20. (https://doi.org/10.1007/BF02322211).

Sirota, D. and Klein, D. A. (2013). The Enthusiastic Employee: How Companies Profit by Giving Workers What They Want, 2nd edn. Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Pearson Education

Second Crack — The Leadership Podcast is hosted by Martin Aldergård and Gerrit Pelzer. In this show, we explore everyday leadership dilemmas and paradoxes, and we ask thought-provoking questions to help leaders grow.

Services we offer include executive coaching, leadership development programs, and leadership team workshops. Detailed info is on our website secondcrackleadership.com. Contact us now for a complimentary consultation to explore how we can help you create the right conditions for healthy performance in your organisation.