Now it was up to the Skirt Chasers to get the entire team to realize the implications of the Fragment Edification, putting all their fidelity on the line with the advent and ineluctable purchase of the new Porch Radar Control Plexus.  Being the first of its kind, all jokes were put aside, putting the Skirt Chasers at a huge disadvantage.

  "Get up!" yelled Harris, gently nudging Pippa as she turned and curled up.

  "What do you want?"

  "I want to get some weed."

  "You don't have any money."

  "I know a guy.  You remember Fenton?"

  "No.  Oh wait - yeah - I know who you're talking about.  It's eight in the fuckin' mornin' baby.  Real stoners don't get up until after twelve - at least!" raspy as ever. 

  "That's a stereotype."

  "You don't even know what a stereotype is.  You need to shave your legs - tighten up."

  "Wait - what?  Let me get ten bucks."

  "No."

  "Pleeeeeese!"

  "I'm not giving you any money.  Especially for weed."

  "Come awhnnn.... pleeeease!!!" he sniveled again.

  "No.  Go watch TV in the other room."

  "Please."

  "Stop it.  No!  Here's an idea:  Why don't you go to school?"

  "I don't HAVE school."

  "Yes you do you just don't go"

  "All my friends are home schooled anyway."

  "I can't make you any promises, but if you can write me a two page single spaced essay on the art of duplication and how it applies to business and commerce, and you let me sleep till one, I'll call Nic and see if he has any.  Deal?"

  "Fine."

  "The Art of Duplication" is a commonly used phrase in the network marketing or MLM industry.  In essence, sales leaders and coaches want to teach those beneath them to adopt their methods of doing business and transfer that model of success to others - typically colleagues who are working within their own organization.  This translates into less work for the business owner.  For example:  If I can find two or three aggressive self-starters to copy how I approach prospecting and closing deals, this will be doing all of my light work and ultimately create more money for myself in the the form of bonuses, override percentages, and other monetary incentives such as a residual income stream.  I give up. The End - cause the following paragraph isn't boring and more entertaining to myself and my demographic:   (God I Love acting retarded)

   The Jewel Confession:  The cows who were and are out to pasture, chewing their bluish green cud along with Ian and Emily and her two well behaved Greyhounds stopped all symmetrical standard protocol they had been operating with and had to be re-calibrated with extreme caution.  For once, there were no sarcastic undertones or underlying causes or underwriting synopsis of perpetual gladness compendium radical nothing or something to cling to sound important "I'll get you if it's the last thing I fucking do" type gibberish.  The merry bells sure DO keep tingling - don't they?  Right along the faucets with the triathlon and walk by the park of hot dog and drippy mustard.  For where have thy onions gone?  Where's the piccalilli?  Just in time for a hot dog and a piece of sausage to match with a bag of some peanut.  I seen her girly koala iPhone Brigade into the obligatory phases unto the spoons that make their way along the kitchen sink the the ba-sketti Skylark... you know... the older model with the missing chromies.  What ever happened to Bill Schultz?  Huh?  Inquisitive data extends between the realm and turf war that rages on into the interior abyss of perpetual fundamental cataclysmic environmental study of simple and complex organic life compounds.  I'll admit it.  It's a word-porn-playground here.  I know you know you know I know.  You know?  A Clockwork ballet?  Yeah.  OK.  All of this happened upon the old sci-fly movies of that golden era and nitro the forensic slump that shouldn't be because we need to KEEP YOUR BACK STRAIGHT!!  Slouching is for professional grunge rockers only.  Posture! Posture! Location!  Mindu!  Hello!  Wake up and smell the moreover upon the stairwells and ping-pong craziness of charisma and horse-fly.  Those mares that eat them does eat oates in written paradox but not verbal.  English isn't complicated.  I've just been here too long and need a break from this lame ass country.  That's un-Americana and very unpatriotic of me to say, but thank God for freedom of the press!!  It's time for cinnamon snicker-doodle lineup after the call into the grass off of the freeway.  WAAAAAY way way back  All the way.  It's a chrome run.  There.  Get that over to the Breedlove pick-up.  Right off of the interstate where it all adds up next to that grain of sand.  Not THAT grain of sand.  That grain of sand has too many carbs.  No more practicalities for you monkey-butt, because you've really been one hell of a shot to the arm.  Your mom won't speak to you, nor your wife, girlfriend, or even your agent.  Boo hoo!!! (start sad violin music here)  Damn where did that blonde come from?  Hey blondie!! Hey Skipper!  Whoops - that's illegal American harassment.  Thought it was a free country.  Guess not.  Oh well!  My bad.  Naughty me.  I'll try to do better. Hey Flick, can you come in here for... I reacon.  Alleluia, I'm a bum that's repeating and stonewalling the conversation over and over and over - just for the taste of it - Diet Cocaine!!  Happy 1980's everyone!!  Wooo  Hoo!!  Hurray!!  Happy story time!!! Yay!!  I come highly recommended.  Sniff sniff and away!!!  That's really talky talk for the true marketeer in defining a generation.  I don't do that though, because I always think it's gonna shut my ticker right down, and things could be a heck of a lot worse.  Direction in the workplace is critical to the understanding the way to get in and out of the picture.  And DOES the kid stay in the picture?  We'll just have to wait till next week, cause I NEED A HUGE FUCKING PORTERHOUSE THAT DOES CARTWHEELS ON MY DESK WITH MY MACHETE BETWEEN MY TEETH (oh... and and a good McDonalds straw for my nose to continue this 'road to success.')  Remember team:  Always keep it irrational.  It's a fuckload more dangerous, but worth it in the long-run.  At least you won't regret it on deathbed thinking to yourself right before you die:  "Hey... I played it too safe.  Life was boring."  Remember:  Rational sucks!

::Demo-Rally-Bike-U-Mentary:  No Posers Allowed - Part 1::

Written and Directed by

Harris Bedwell

Edited by 

Trent Shoemaker and Pippa Perrins

Produced by 

Fenton Wilkerton

Casting by

April Clifton

Music by

Nic Breve

Stunts by

The Wampum Warriors

The Skirt Chasers

the doo doo gooders™

The Platypus Wreckers

&

The Puss Snatchers 

Take 1: 

  -Get it in!

  -For what?

  -What did you say?

  -Nothing

  -Hey... when you coming to bed?

  -Once you...

  -Hey.

  -What?

  -I'm ravenous

  -Keep working through lunch.  You're way more productive when you're not eating.  It keeps you sharp and hungry and on point.  

  -Who do you think you're talking to?

  -I'm on a roll baby.

  -So what's next?

  -Easy on the clutch!

  -GO GO GO GO GO!!!

  -Let's get you up on the lift now...

  -I'm not a car.  This is preposterous.

  -Yes you are.  Vroom vroom!  Monkey butt.

  -You're absolutely such a filthy little piggy.  Where's that sloppy tongue of yours again?

  -Mph... boy that's great coffee.  Sorry.. I uh... left the Realm of Oltep.  How's that sound?  I was busy there.  Come again?

  -I bet you did.  There.  How does THAT feel?  Hmm?  Naughty me.

  -Shhh... keep it down... I love it but shhhhh.... you can't be talking like that in here! are you out of your mind?

  -I write to eat, I eat to pray, I sing to make love... you gotta' problem with that?  Hmm?

  -Why do you watch trash like this?

  -What?

  -THIS!!!

  -Oh that.  That's disgusting.  No lie.

  -This?  That was then.  What are you driving at?

  -...

  -Swat I thought.  It's ancient history the second you spit the words right out of those pillowy lips.(smooch)

  -Is this foreplay?

  -You think it's foreplay?  

  -No drama baby.  I'm whooped.

  -You're actually proud of this?

  -What!?!

  -THIS!!

  -Enough!!

  -Hey lazy pants, this is cheating.  You can't do this.

  -Sure I can.  It's called working smarter... not harder.

  - Let's try working smarter and harder.  No shortcuts.

  -Round of orange juice.  On me.

  -!?!

  -OW!  I sell to... wait!  I sell to enh... I sell to fund this entire operation.  This isn't some kind of joke.  Enh.  Harder.  There.  Enh.  That's.  Enh.  That's your problem.  You don't even care! much less realize the implications of your actions... OW!! Mindu!! y' hear me?  I said wait! geez! I'm not ready yet.  OK now I am.  Slide it in easy first then speed up slowly.

  -What's with you and this 'pork-a-thon' thing you got going on?

  -I love pork.  Not all the time though.  I'm kind of burnt out on chicken honestly.  So many marinades though.  Hmm.  I'm a carnivore since I've been working out again.  This qualifies as working out.  Right?

  -You haven't been working out slut.  You're my fuck-toy and you're proud of it.  My oh my... we've been practicing here haven't we?

  -God your'e rough.  I love it though.

  -We'll get you a good workout Play-Doh Boy.  Hmm?  That's it.  Back into it! and the next time I catch you power walking outside the compound again, I'm un-ugh drive by and hand you two leg warmers.  

Vroom Vroom

{//.31}

  -I'm really liking the way this deal is shaping up.  I'm on a real time crunch here Gary... I got all these contractors crawling up my ass and my profits are shrinking by the millisecond.  Yeah yeah! what else?  What can you do for me on the two for one deal?  Woah woah! never gave the go-ahead on Norway.  Are you out of your mind?  Back up the train.  I'm getting sick and tired of you pulling all the punches and winning all the big fights like Apollo on the biggest rampage comin' from the rafters of gloom and despair in the final round of incredible form and rumbling out for the big turn at the Sinclair Roundabout... off of the winding desert procrastination outfit.  Not like a 'ha ha' funny outfit you wear, but a brood if you will to bring to the entire board of directors.  Go get a good workout in and call me back then Gary 'cause if you don't you're gonna start seeing all those dead cells and saggy eyelids and jowls if you haven't already.  All them sleepless nights creeping in on you, making their way into your skull as you flick another Marlboro butt to the curb.  Again, I really have to find out who's been passing out all these pamphlets willy-nilly.  This isn't some sort of joke.  What a turn of events when we see the big deals come through hot out of the gate.  So what's the deal?  You gonna jerk me around or what?  We got a deal?  Talk to me!  I gotta know!  Right now!  Today dammit! not next month, not next week to-DAY, to-DAY, to-DAY.  Oh you!  Naw.  Naw.  Get off your fly course you whimsical nut job and stop wasting all my precious time!! This isn't a rant.  Deal.  There.  Jesus that wasn't so hard.  What's your email.  Time to get out the red meat and spin around on the floor with last years reports and next years prospectus in your mouth like Fido on Sunday morning after a cocaine binge.  Jesus God take a lude for Chrissakes!!  I don't need that info, but I'll transfer you to my secretary in a second.   
  -So what happened to you today?
  -Got engaged
  -She's it.
  -Yeah.  Seriously.  It's time.
  -Good for you.  Proud of 'ya kid.  Hey look at these renders.
  -Order the steak.  Great steak here.  Life will improve with steak.  Just make sure they tenderize it first... that's what those mallets are really for anyway... just in case you were wondering.  Garcon!  Don't let me catch you using those packets of chemicals either.  That shit's poison.
  -Put that down and listen to me.  So today was weird.
  -How so?
  -I had four sales calls who straight shot me down before I even approached them.  How'd they even see me coming?  It's like they were waiting with binoculars or something.
  -That's not so strange.  Considering what you do for a living.
  -What's that?
  -Never mind.
  -No-I-wanna-know-what?
  -Nothing.  Forget it.
  -Come oojuan!!
  -You're fictionalizing your own life!! You're a very bizarre local celebrity.
  -Who?  Me?  Nah.  Not me.  You're delusional.  Nurse?
  -Yes.
  -Has this patient received his medication on time this morning?

  -Of course doctor.
  -Thank you.  That will be all.
  -You're a very talented salesman Harris, but we need you to be more consistent.
  -ok... let's just check your blood pressure first m-kay?
  -Talented people are a dime a dozen.  One on every street corner.
  -I think I'm too much at times.  I muscle people around more than I ought.  I think I need to dial it back some.
  -Could be that.  But if you're becoming more aggressive, understand and realize that you yourself are becoming accustomed to a new MO.  Don't be overly aggressive though.  I've fallen into the trap of leveraging poor judgement on the prospects end, and 99% of the time it backfires.  It's good for a laugh with a colleague, but it doesn't make you a penny in the end.  I know.  In the back of your mind you're thinking, 'you fucking idiot... I could have saved or made you x amount of dollars if you would have just shut your dick trap for two seconds and let me speak.'  ... ... There is a way to correct the prospect without offending them... but it's tricky.  Too much hot sauce is more pain than it's worth.  Or maybe like Milton Bradley's 'Operation'... hard to describe.
  -I've found my niche.
  -What's that?
  -Confidential.  That's what.
  -Mo-kay.
  -Hey that's pretty out of service.
  -Let's get up on this corner.
  -Skip that freeze.  Puttin' me up to task.
  Fast forward to Proper Princess Pandemonium Court Marshall Citation:  WARD 3F written in large bold font on the door next to the sanitarium entryway by the well at the abandoned quarry.  What happened that night is inexplicably delicious and deplorable and may have involved the ill-intended board meeting from the well written Hymnal of Togetherness.  What are you apologizing for?  Stop saying you're sorry.  What do you have to be sorry about?  I'll reset your guilt button better than mommy can.  Look at me! you haven't hurt anyone, killed anyone, stolen anything, fucked anyone's wife... make up your mind with what it is you want to achieve.  The journey isn't all that self-explanatory... I ain't gonna lie.  You're right.  Some of this stuff you CAN'T teach a class on.  Jealous much?  Why you mad bro?  You're better off just finding those free religious wealth sermons or courses when you least expect it and jump on the opportunity when it arrives and don't second guess nature's course.  Cling to your rifles and your parchment.  Your kilts.  Thy Kindred Spirits of Limerick and CuebAll.  No more hyphens for you.  That's the last hyphen, and then we shall once again, place the health biscuit on the samurai squabble thank you.  I won't repeat myself once more NAPKINS!!!!  ... ... ... now ... ... who would like some chocolate covered pretzel?  They come in all sizes, shapes, and flavors, and are included inside every box of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes - all part of this balanced breakfast.  Balanced breakfast?  Oh we're sumo wrestling Tony.  That's right!!  I plumb forgot.  So let me get this straight Tony, if I wake up in the morning and it's four pancakes with real butter and real - I mean REAL - maple syrup with bacon and sausage.  BURN IT!  Toast?  What.  BURN IT!!! Eggs sunny side up with an extra orange slice on the side... but not on the hot side of the plate, bring it to me separate.. I WANT THE ORANGES CHILLED!!!  ON ICE!!!  Thank you.  That's a great balanced breakfast.  Gotta love commercials!  Oi... as for the rest of you, what's on today's agenda?  I hear Pippa got the word out about another one of Harris' mental block parties.  He's way in the zone.  Gatozone.