The Mediterranean check-point was only two miles away from the Mecca-Niquelle Portal of bottled up rage, baby brown sugariffic, and pent-up anger, so they had to be forthcoming and swifter than Tom Dickens.  Everyone was head on traffic for one another.  Keen Eyes like Oliver and Co.  Purriffic.  Trent noticed a small cyst on the upper left side of his abdomen, believing it to be an ingrown hair of some kind; dismissing the possibility of a malignant tumor, but not a spider bite within five minutes or so.  He sat in the lobby recliner vaping wax by himself, watching a first season episode of Roseanne for the next half hour, thinking about how to lance it himself with a safety pin or knife, but ultimately opting against it.  Then the nurse walked in. 
  "You need to be more assertive."
  "What do I look like lady?" said Trent.  "John the Baptist?"
  "You can't just sit in the lobby doc.  Hurry Cuh."
  "I'm off the clock," said Trent, putting a leg up on the chair, gnawing away on a pack of Nutter Butter cookies.  Just then, Harris waltzed in out of nowhere.
  "When you become a doctor?"
  "..."
  "..."
  "Me?"
  "He's a candy striper," said Addison as seriously as possible.  "24/7.  Don't make fun of him."
  "That pocket mouse of yours is really eekin' for some cheese."
  "What did I just say?"
  "Shut up mommy - look at that little critter... ha!"
  "Watch it."
  Nobody had health insurance much less proper identification, so routine check-ups and physicals were out of the question.  Harris' leg started to bleed from the Po-Zer-Straight-Wheel-Cyde-Infestation he had instigated a week prior.  He began to pick and eat scab and booger casserole when no one was looking.  The following morning the hotel room stunk to high hell of stale beer, Maverick kings, and freezer burned lunch room pizza from middle school.  This instantly reminded everyone of the chicken strip bombastic flamethrower episode over the Grumble Neck County line. 
  "Pretty decent shower.  Super-hot water if yall need one.  I'm ready to get this beast fired up!!  I don't know about 'yall though.  'Ere."
  "You save me any shampoo?  Where did April go?"
  "Stop using that stuff right now.  It's a toxic marketing ploy that will leave you with frizz till kingdom come.  You're not stripping essential minerals and natural oils on my watch.  I didn't touch the conditioner though.  I asked the maid for a handful about an hour ago.  Or try the coconut oil.  Either one.  And we gon' take care of your blackheads in a minute.  We'll get you fixed right up."
  "Nice!" said Harris.  "Yess!!"
  "I'm starving."
  "Better move quick," said Addison.  "It's all going bye-bye in ten minutes.  Better hurry.  All you can eat too.  Denny's style.  Bacon's soggy though."
  "Pancakes?  Wow!! April... outside!!  See?"
  "Yep.  Mrs. Butterworth's."
  "You still drinking?  Damn son."
  "You guys need to learn to be good stewards of flat beer.  Just a little more appreciation - that's all."
  "Guys, let's leave this place cleaner than when we got here gentlemen.  Deal?  I'll leave housekeeping a gulping tip and thank you note for all of their gracious hospitality.  Mmm K?"
  "You bring an extra pair of undies Lumbergh?  I bet your sack is full of em.  Weirdo." 
  "No."
  "Here.  You don't want to put those on after you hose off."
  "I know right?"
  "Who did this calligraphy?  Someone's taking calligraphy lessons."
  Down the staircase and out the back door, Addison noticed the tire that had deflated overnight in the hotel parking lot and started cursing under his breath. 
  "That's nothing," laughed Harris.  "I can fix that with a can of Reddi Whip."
  "And a cherry on top?  This ain't some clown mobile.  It's a university on wheels and you've desecrated her for the last time you rube.  Judas Priest."
  "Hey everyone - look at THIS shot!!"
  "Ouch."
  "You know I'm joking right?"
  "Where's the Lidocaine?"
  "Harris.  Dude.  Man.  Slim.  Whatever - walk your lazy ass to the gas station for everyone and contribute a can of fix-a-flat.  Help out a little.  Come on.  Tighten up bro - and why were you running around in your boxers like a flamer last night?  So unnecessary."
  "WHICH REMINDS ME!!  LISTEN YOU FUCKIN' SLOB!!  THAT WAS YOU WHO DONE THAT SHIT ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR LAST NIGHT!!!....................."
  "..."
  "WHY WERE YOU PISSING ON THE GODDAM TOILET BOW AND ALL OVER THE FUCKIN' FLOOR?!?!...................."
  "I wasn't the one wh..."
  "YES YOU FUCKIN' WERE!!!!...."
  "Ipe..."
  "YES YOU FUCKIN' WERE YOU..... YOU LISTEN HERE YOU LISTEN... LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!!........... pissin' all over the goddam rim and floor."
  "Ease up man.  It's just a little piss."
  "..."
  "I don't have the time or the patience.  Not now.  Not ever.  Take the keys.  You're driving us home."
  "Fine."
  "Shotgun bea-otch!!"