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Geez, what happened to “More MLS Musings?”

Perhaps I got carried away this year actually writing about real estate!

I offered this feature eight times in 2020, seven times in 2021, only four times in 2022, and much to my amazement, only twice in 2023!

Those of you who like the stats-heavy posts are happy to hear that, but once in a while, don’t you just want to play dumb and laugh?

So here we go – every last “musing” in my desktop folder that’s actually called “Musings,” and some of these are worth the wait…

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Here’s a Listing for a 1-bed-plus den.

Note the den here, in case I’m not making this obvious:

You can clearly see this is a 1-bed-plus den from the listing above, which I have boxed in red.

However, the Brokerage Remarks provide a slightly different explanation:

Okay.

So it’s a den?  Or it’s not a den?

It fits a desk?

I need a visual, please and thanks…

Oh.

Right.

That’s not a “den.”

That’s a goddam wall with a desk in front of it.

How in the world do people get away with this?

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Then again, the next listing is a thousand times worse.

I understand listing a property for $1 when you have a bid date.

An “unpriced offering” as it’s referred to, and this is very common in commercial real estate.

But what if there’s no offer date?

What if it’s listed for $1 and on the market for 84 days?

This can’t happen, right?

This is an abuse of the MLS system, right?

But is it false advertising?

Maybe.  Maybe not.  You’d have to have an admission from the seller that the property isn’t really available for $1, and it’s not like that’s something the seller would freely admit.

Then again…

I still can’t believe it…

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If you’re told that a condo has “two bathrooms,” what would you expect?

Let me channel my inner Seinfeld here and suggest that the “two” is an integral part of the term.

Two.

Like this reads:

But what is a bathroom, really?

A shower, sink, and shower?

Right.

So if we divided that into two, could we claim it’s two bathrooms?

Seriously, this is the worst bathroom I have ever seen in my life:

There’s a shower in the closet.  That’s what I see.

Not only is this the worst bathroom I have ever seen, and so bad that I would never advise a client to purchase this unit…

…but the listing agent is calling this TWO bathrooms!

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Why this feature photo?

There are thirty photos!  Look at the listing!  THIRTY!

And they chose a photo of….what, exactly?

Let’s get a closer look:

Right.

That’s a photo of the sliding door that leads from the dirty carpet in the living room through to the dirty carpet in the solarium.

Why is that the feature photo?

Well, I suppose if you’re going to take a photo of the view, through a window screen, while capturing the wall in 40% of the shot – all while taking vertical photos when MLS uses horizontal photos, then I guess anything is possible…

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Some listings have no interior photos.

I get that.

But why take photos of the surroundings?

Like this, which makes no sense to me:

The street – to show the recycling and garbage bins, the road – from two angles, the parking garage…

…I don’t understand…

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Then again, it’s not the worst photo array I’ve seen this fall.

This one comes to mind:

However, this could easily be the “best” photo array, depending on your viewpoint…

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This feature photo on the MLS listing looks like it was taken from a police helicopter while shining a massive spotlight toward the ground:

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The award for “Worst Sale-To-Listing Price” of 2023 goes to this one:

Had I known that the seller was this flexible on the price, I’d have paid at least $3,700 for this unit…

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I recently saw a listing that had no photos of the actual condominium unit for sale, but did have photos of the brochure from when the property was sold in pre-construction.

Seriously.

And not a scan or anything, but rather a photo:

Is that how we sell real estate?

Check out this one:

Not only is this a photo of a brochure, which features an artist’s rendering of the lobby in the building, but the rendering makes it look like a fashion show with a guy and gal strutting across the tile floor like it’s a runway, while an extremely over-dressed woman in a dress watches from behind.

I don’t even want to know what’s about to happen in this one…

…or maybe I do?

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I would ask how this shower curtain made it past “quality control” on staging day, but I’m sure there was no staging of any kind ever discussed, let alone implemented…

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Some tiles are so sexy that you want them on the floors, walls, window sill, backsplash, and bathtub!

Perhaps this is a case of, “When you find what you love, stick with it…”

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I would estimate that 99% of people put a flat-screen TV on the wall across from the couch in the basement.

So what does the other 1% do?

Are there any Reebok Pumps in there, or just modern sneakers?

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I’ve never understood the appeal to “sky replacement” in photos.

If you’re listing a beautiful house but you took photos on a cloudy day, then, sure.  A photographer who can edit and insert a blue sky is an asset.

But this, I don’t get:

Unless the theme here is “post-apocalyptic” then I remain confused.

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Nothing quite like staging your home office with garbage.

And by “garbage,” I’m not taking a shot at the over-used staging accessories, but rather actual bags of trash in the foreground of a photo:

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Last, but certainly not least, let’s see some great “agent taking photo on iPhone” shots from this fall.

This guy has a legit camera so he’s got some credibility, but he captured himself in the shot so it’s a fail:

Then, just for good measure, he stood next to the tenant, who has the “arms crossed” pose as she watches on, and both are forever immortalized in MLS:

This guy isn’t even trying:

This guy tried really, really hard, but still failed:

And finally, this agent put forth a valiant effort but just couldn’t find an angle that avoided his iPhone:

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Thanks again to all the contributors who regularly send me photos of funny things they see on MLS.

For the rest of you, if you happen to be perusing Toronto listings and notice anything worthy of our “MLS Musings” feature, please email to [email protected]!

MLS Musings are adjourned until 2024…

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