By Carolyn Howard-Johnson
Author of The Frugal Editor, the winning-est in her award-winning HowToDoItFrugally Series of books for writers
This article is excerpted from some editing I did for a writer of experimental fiction when I was on a Greater Los Angeles Writers Society panel writer of any genre can apply these suggestions to the chase, getaway, or high action scene in your script or manuscript before you send it to an agent or publisher or, better still, while you are writing the first draft.
Sometimes even the most fascinating, interesting and irresistible detail can slow down the forward movement of your story. So as much as writers are told that detail is important, purge as much as you can from your action scenes and put it somewhere else or dribble it into narrative in other places in your manuscript. In the process, ask yourself if your Reader really needs to know the color of the protagonist’s eyes. As important as detail is, some is better left to the imagination of the reader. I can imagine where eye color might be very important, but—on average—it probably isn’t necessary. Here are some quick suggestions:
1. Remove some of the detail entirely. Double check. Make it meet the test!
2. Use stronger verbs—especially verbs of movement.
3. Use shorter sentences. By doing so, the rhythm could emulate a fast-beating heart and the pulse of danger. Note that clauses slow copy as surely as passive voice (or tense).
4. In the interest of a faster pace, try dropping into present tense and moving out of it when the run or danger is past. If you write the scene that way and wait a day or two before rereading it. By doing so, you’ll be able to honestly compare the effects of the two and adjust the tense change so it doesn’t feel obtrusive.
5. If you are trying to achieve a truly heart-beating moment, consider using fragments. Even one-word fragments.
6. Commas can slow the pace. Sometimes you must follow grammar rules for commas for clarity. Often that comma slows things down for the reader. Does the comma indicate a pause where the reader wouldn’t normally pause or does it reinforce a naturalpause. Does it really help with clarity. Would you achieve this clarity better if you made your long sentence into short ones. This is a style choice you get to make. You are looking for the times readers will never notice a comma is absent.
You may choose to discard some of them.
7. Consider saving the description of your protagonist for a time when life doesn’t depend on his or her speed. His “bright face of youth” doesn’t meet that test. Is there a way to work the major description into this narrative using smaller bites or to arrange to have it come before or after the chase?
8. Though I love include some sensory detail, be careful not to overdo that, especially in an action-moment. The writer of the action scene I was critiquing had the protagonist leaning against a strut for a moment’s rest. The strut’s sensory role in this passage should probably be the emotional reassurance it offered, not how it felt to the touch. Further, this kind of thing might best be left to your reader who will draw that conclusion anyway.
9. At the risk of being repetitious, the sense of danger shouldn’t be interrupted unless it is necessary for understanding. Sometimes that isn’t speed (like a chase). Sometimes it is. Regardless, you—the author—want to keep the momentum going for the reader.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Carolyn Howard-Johnson is the author of the multi award-winning series of HowToDoItFrugally books for writers including USA Book News’ winner for The Frugal Book Promoter. An instructor for UCLA Extension's renowned Writers Program for nearly a decade, she believes in entering (and winning!) contests and anthologies as an excellent way to separate our writing from the hundreds of thousands of books that get published each year. Two of her favorite awards are Woman of the Year in Arts and Entertainment given by members of the California Legislature and Women Who Make Life Happen, given by the Pasadena Weeklynewspaper. She is also an award-winning poet and novelist and she loves passing along the tricks of the trade she learned from marketing those so-called hard-to-promote genres. Learn more and find tons of free resources on her website at https://HowToDoItFrugally.comor on her Amazon profile page: https://bit.ly/CarolynsAmznProfile. While you’re there, won’t you click on the follow button and make sure your Amazon profile page is up-to-date.
Carolyn Howard-Johnson
Author of the multi award-winning HowToDoItFrugally Series of books for writers including
The Frugal Editor: Do-it-yourself editing secrets for authors
Website: https://www.howtodoitfrugally.com
Amazon Profile - bit.ly/CarolynsAmznProfile
Twitter - @FrugalBookPromo
Celebrating: bit.ly/NonfictionAuthorAssocFeaturedAuthor
Frugal Book Promoter
This post first appeared on Linda Barnett-Johnson Professional V.A, please read the originial post: here
