This is the latest episode of The One Problem podcast interview. Today my guest is Stefanie Booker Atchison. She talks to us about being resilient in the face of adversity.

Hi there. My name is Avil Beckford, and this is the latest episode of The One Problem. We're talking about one problem. Not all the problems in the world. Today, my very special guest is Stefanie Booker Atchison. She is a wisdom coach and a motivational speaker. Over to you, Stefanie.

Stefanie Booker Atchison

Avil, thank you so much. I really appreciate you allowing me to speak to your audience. And I appreciate connecting with you after looking at the bounds and downers of the past couple of years. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to focus on. Did I want to talk about how best to deal with change, maybe beef up how we deal with uncertainty? We have been through a global freeze tag with Covid-19, so I wasn't sure how to deal with that. And then I realized what we've been experiencing really has mirrored my life a bit and how I came to the profound understanding of how I deal with adversity.

My relationship with me determines the quality of my life and how much inner peace I have and how much fun I have along the way. So everything leads back to you and how you deal with it. Everything. What I want to talk about is resiliency, because that's how you deal with it. This is a powerful principle that I practice in my personal life. It's one that I work with my clients. And it doesn't really matter if you're a CEO of a large company, a middle level manager like I was, or an entrepreneur. The relationship you have with yourself, and how you can deal, and adapt, is reflected in all areas and aspects of your life.

Have you read or watched?

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5. The One Problem Interview with Roberta Liebenberg, Senior Law Partner
6. The One Problem Interview: Angela Payne, Founder Leed HR
7. The One Problem Interview: Rose-marie Fernandez, Founder Coaching Worx
8. The One Problem Interview: Reverend, Dr Cheri DiNovo
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Stefanie Booker Atchison

We make this mistake of thinking that resilient people are those who are unaffected by challenges and the changes of life. You know, those who can take a setback with a smile and laugh and the biggest of obstacles. But that's not real resiliency. That's good. But it's not real resiliency. Resilience stems from hardship. It comes from, perhaps even loss. But it's rooted in a desire to continue to thrive. And it's better when that survival is nurtured by the collective. That's why I really appreciate you having this space. Resilience is also not the absence of distress.

It is the ability to adapt and grow, following adversity. Simply put, resilience is the ability, when faced with difficulty, trauma or tragedy, we demonstrate the ability to rise. And while some people may be more resilient than others, it's not a trait or characteristics that you have or don't have. It's not innate. It's a learned ability. And it's one that anybody can develop and learn. And if you have been on this planet longer than two days, you have struggled, you have suffered. And you waded through something that was difficult and you've survived and come out better for it.

That's how I know you're resilient. Just talk about it. Let's talk about what it means and how to do that. Because if you still don't believe that you're very resilient, it's probably because you haven't taken a good look at what you've gone through already. But you can learn. There are ways to continue building on that. I'm going to talk about three of them, I'm going to talk about them in relation to my own life story. But we're going to talk about dealing with the five fingers of change.

Stefanie Booker Atchison

That's what I call them. That's birth, death, marriage, divorce, and job or buying a home. These are all tremendously stressful times and all periods that are rife with opportunity for misfortune. And we have had them in one or more areas. But the things that can help us get through them is understanding how life is an ebb and flow. I mean, finding your resiliency is, it can be difficult. It can be easy to lose touch. So the step before the Stays, is what I call it, is letting yourself feel that, feel that depression, feel that angst, feel that disappointment.

You know, something has happened. You were knocked down. It's okay to sit there for a moment in our failure last week. And the first thing they tell you is wait a minute, sit there for a moment, get your bearings and then get back up. So I have what I call a pity party. And it doesn't matter if I give myself five minutes, an hour, a day, or a week, depending on how bad it is, to be even a month or longer. But I do give myself a timeline because resilience is not about you not feeling it.

It's about what you do after that. It's about your come up, your get-up, your get through. So set an alarm. Tell yourself you're going to feel this anger, this pain, this is disappointment. And then start your journey upward, because if you don't, you can get buried there. You can get stuck there. And the first thing that you're going to want to do when you come out of a pity party, is you're going to want to have a plan of action. So, the first Stay is you, Stay ready.

Stefanie Booker Atchison

You’ve got to rebuild your resume, even if you have that job that you love so much, what does your resume say about you? Does it include your activities that you're currently in? Does it have your updated skill set? Does it talk about all those things? You know, your volunteers, your social causes? Because in America we are becoming like the rest of the world and getting a well-rounded CV so that our employers know who they're hiring. So do that, do you need certifications? Do you want to take other classes in your interests?

Look into that. The next thing you want to do is you're going to want to stay pliable, and you want to stay pliable mentally as well as physically. So mentally meditate. Allow yourself to grow. Have questions and answer sessions with people you might not normally talk to. Pray. Consider. Look at the world. Also, physically, take a walk, exercise. You know, they've made the connection that the more you take care of your body, the better your brain health is. So you'll want to stretch your muscles, go do yoga, take a walk, swim.

You know, get out there and take a hike, if you want to. Those things are necessary to help you grow mentally and physically. And lastly, Stay you. You know, self mastery has to do with you being authentic, knowing who you are at all times, the good and the bad. It's not about being happy and go-free all the time. It's about just being you. And you do that by knowing your self-worth, by being compassionate to yourself and sharing stuff love with yourself. I call those three that's inner badassery.

Stefanie Booker Atchison

When you do that, when you allow yourself to know who you really are, you attract everything. You know, everybody likes to be next to the light, next to the lightness. That's what that is. That's what you need for yourself. We can get scared sometimes to own who we actually are because we think we're difficult. But if you stay, you not only bring joy to yourself, but you bring joy to those around you. You raise vibrations and then you create that change. You own your greatness. You create that and that, my friend, is resiliency.

And I want you to know that because you're amazing. You deserve that. Don't limit yourself. Give yourself that opportunity to let you shine, and follow your heart. Remember, stay ready, stay pliable, and stay you because you will attract all the things, so many of the things and thrive. Thank you for letting me share this. I appreciate you so much Avil, over back to you.

Avil Beckford

Thank you so much, Stephanie, for talking about resilience, because that's one of the things that the pandemic has taught us is to be resilient. Thank you so much.

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Books on Resilience

• The Art of Resilience: Strategies for an Unbreakable Mind and Body by Ross Edgley
• The Color of Food: Stories of Race, Resilience and Farming by Natasha Bowens

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