In this Episode of The One Problem, my guest, Sophie Gray, talks about being connected to yourself. Mental health and wellness is an important topic.

Hi there. My name is Avil Beckford. And this is the latest episode of The One Problem podcast interview. There are tons of problems in the world, but today we're tackling one problem. Why get overwhelmed? My very special guest is Sophie Gray. She is the founder of DiveThru. Over to you, Sophie.

Sophie Gray

Hello, everyone. And thank you so much for having me. So, I love this very targeted conversation around one problem that we can talk about today. So why I came on the podcast, and what I want to talk about, is the problem of being disconnected from yourself. Now, what I mean by that, is having a lack of a relationship with yourself. And that might sound a little funny, because while we're with ourselves every day, we're caught up in our mind with our own thoughts. But we also have this constant kind of avoidance of what's really going on, and really who we are, and what we're doing and how we're feeling.

We might feel anxious. But when was the last time you noticed a feeling of anxiety? Or you noticed a feeling of overwhelm, or depression or whatever it might be. And you actually ask yourself about that feeling, and you actually explore that feeling, and connect with what's going on with yourself. So I'd like to share a little bit of background of why I'm so passionate about this. Being disconnected and building this relationship with yourself, because I know what it's like to not have that. Where you feel like you're constantly running from what's going on within your body, within your mind, where you constantly feel like you're shoving those things down.

Sophie Gray, Founder of Dive Through Talks About Being Disconnected from Yourself

You're fine. Everything's fine. It's okay. I'm all right, when the reality is you're not. So I ended up having a big blow up in my life because I was constantly pretending I was fine. I was constantly running from myself, running from how I felt, and really didn't have a relationship with who I was whatsoever. So I had built a large social media following of over 500,000 people when I was a new 18 or 19-year-old. And I had had an entire childhood of mental health concerns, and problems of anxiety, of depression, self harm, attempted suicide that I just swept under the rock.

Sophie Gray

It was fine. It was gone. It wasn't going to be a part of my life anymore. And I built this large audience around looking a certain way, around having a certain body type, around working out and taking care of your body. And I want to say that with air quotes, because the reality was I was very much not taking care of myself. I was focused on the wrong things. And I was focused on what other people thought I should be doing, what other people thought I should look like, what I needed to accomplish.

All of these very external factors that I used to inform myself about how I felt about myself. And using those external factors as this measuring stick. And at the end of the day, when I would close my eyes, I was filled with anxiety. And I was filled with just feeling awful about who I was.  I was traveling for work, and I had a panic attack on an airplane. And I ended up having to do a cross-country drive, a 38-hour drive.

And in the middle of that drive, I was having more panic attacks. And I got to this point where I was like, I need something. I need a self-help book. I need a special breathing technique. I need something to help me overcome these panic attacks. And I had a friend of mine say to me,

“There's nothing that you can take externally that's going to help you through this. You need to connect with yourself. You need to ask yourself what's going on.” 

And I know it sounds so simple. But we ask everyone around us constantly how they're doing, how are other people doing, and how we often don't actually listen and really even care. But we don't truly slow down to listen to ourselves in response to that question.

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Sophie Gray

So I had this panic attack. I was driving. I was okay, I finally need to turn inward, whatever we want to call it, and to reflect inward and truly see what's going on. Why am I having these panic attacks? Why am I struggling so much? And I swear, it was kind of like those old tiny movies where I saw this entire montage of my life. Whatever it's called, where I saw all these times that I had turned away from myself. When I had cared more about what a kid thought of me on the playground or an expectation from school or this accomplishment in my professional life.

And I was constantly giving these external factors more importance than my internal world. And from that experience, and why I wanted to address this one problem with you today, is because we have to stop running from ourselves, because eventually it will catch up. And for me, it was a panic attack on an airplane, which was a completely traumatizing and horrific experience for me. But now that I have the tools to turn inward and connect. So what are those tools?For me, the number one way that I've connected with myself is through writing.

If you're someone that likes writing as a medium, I challenge you to open up your Journal or maybe your notes on your phone or your desktop and just ask, “How am I doing?” And let yourself answer that honestly. It's going to take maybe a few sentences, a couple of minutes before you can actually get into what's behind the facade of, I'm fine. It's okay. But let yourself take that guard down. And are you really okay? And it's such a cliché to say it's okay if you're not, because it's really terrifying to truly admit when you're not doing okay.

Sophie Gray

That's why we run. That's why we choose to not even choose. That's why we are disconnected from ourselves a lot of the time. It can be the way that we grew up, and how we were taught to express our feelings. Or maybe there was a trauma that occurred where you didn't feel safe to disclose, or you didn't feel safe within yourself. And this experience, whether it be done through journaling, which is a great medium to start yourself. Or if you have the luxury of being able to afford to go to therapy to start this relationship in a safer container.

But really making that effort as much as we're with ourselves every minute of every day. We're not truly intentionally being with ourselves where we sit down and make that effort to build a relationship. We talk a lot. There's so many articles about how to be the best partner, how to be the best parent, how to be the best child, whatever it might be in building those relationships in your professional and personal life. But we really also need to put that concrete effort into the relationship with ourselves.

So this problem, I think a lot of people can relate to it in one way or another. And journaling was the tool for me. And that simple question of, how am I doing? What's going on? What do I need right now? When was the last time you asked yourself what you needed? I think we have these, not superficial, but again, surface level, need of I need food, I need rest, I need these things. But what else do you need? Do you need affection? Do you need compassion? Do you need space?

Sophie Gray

Do you need a boundary in your life? Really encouraging you to turn inward and to actually listen, because you are deserving of being listened to, especially from yourself. And it's going to be uncomfortable at first. But really, each day connecting and making the intention of connecting with yourself, whether it be writing out a few Journal sentences or pausing to take a breath, not needing to do, like an intricate meditation or anything. But pausing and maybe closing your eyes or keeping them open and asking what in my body needs my attention right now, and breathing through that.

Noticing how your stomach is feeling. How's your chest? Are you clenching your jaw? And just make that intentional connection with yourself in this busyness. And turning to yourself each and every day when I reflect on my journey, I always used to reach outside myself. And it's wonderful to reach out for therapy, for medication, whatever that might be.

But start by reaching inward and building that connection by knowing that you're a person that deserves to get to know yourself. And that you really deserve that connection with yourself. So that's my long-winded answer I guess, in a way.

But if I could really summarize, what I'm getting at here is you are someone that deserves to be seen and heard in your entire life. But especially by yourself. And that's something you can give yourself, whether it be through journaling, whether it be through going through therapy at first, to start that relationship. Or whether it be through breathing or exercise, mindfully engaging in your life in any way. But knowing that you're someone worth getting to know, and that how you're doing truly matters.

Sophie Gray

And it's something to connect with every single day. And I think that's all that I have, so I can hand it back over to you for any follow-up questions or anything.

Avil Beckford

Okay, so thank you so much Sophie. If I can summarize, it's about self awareness and the thing that came to me, know thyself. So thank you so much for coming on.

Sophie Gray

Thank you.

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