By African American Books Writer Denise Turney

Surviving a bad marriage or a harmful courtship may make you look or feel like a heroine. In fact, that could be the case if you grew up watching your parents spend years merely surviving a bad marriage. However, there are significant downsides to staying in Bad Relationships. It doesn’t matter if those relationships are romantic, work related or involve the pursuit of long distance love.

Reasons You May Stay In Bad Relationships

Psychological abuse is just one of those harmful regrets. The pain is so intense, you’re probably aiming to avoid it. Depending on the depth of pain that you’ve endured, you might even swear that you’ll never let anyone get close to you again.

On the other hand, if you felt in love with someone, it may be harder to walk away. In fact, Psychology Today shares that you could gain satisfaction from simply being in a relationship. More specifically, Psychology Today shares that “some individuals, especially those with low self-esteem or those who perceive themselves to be less attractive, have low “comparison levels.”

Comparison levels are your own inner standards of what you consider to be a good, average and a bad relationship. If you have a low self-esteem, you might expect a relationship to have lots of hardships and few benefits. Again, this could be due to parental modeling.

Bad Relationships Aren’t Satisfying

This may not be encouraging. But, it’s worth paying attention to. Regarding your willingness to endure bad relationships, another factor to consider is how you were treated as a child. “Women who experienced abuse as children report more satisfaction with lower-quality relationships,” according to Psychology Today.

Other reasons why you might put up with the illusion of long distance love (that brings more pain than satisfaction), a bad relationship between husband and wife or an abusive relationship have to do with how you perceive your partner. For example, if you place a high value on your partner’s sense of humor and how your partner makes you laugh, you might downplay how your partner ridicules you at social gatherings.

Or, maybe your partner satisfies you in bed. To keep this part of the relationship, you could overlook or downplay how your partner keeps placing you in financial debt. And, this raises another point. If you think that you can’t find a better relationship, you might stay.

See How Your Treating Yourself Thru Bad Relationships

Memories of loving encounters shared between your partner and you could just be one part of this. You might actually think that no one else will want you. Another thing that you might do is convince yourself that your partner treats you poorly because he is a passionate person. Or, you might tell yourself that your partner treats you poorly because she cares about you deeply.

Even more, you might convince yourself that your partner needs you. That way, you’d see yourself as doing a good deed each time you tolerate abuse or a bad relationship. It’s certainly not a recipe for happiness or peace. But, depending on what you perceive about yourself, it could offer the illusion of satisfaction.

So, how do you stir up the inner strength and motivation to leave bad relationships? To begin, as with any awakening or self improvement, be honest with yourself. Actually see what you are doing to yourself thru bad relationships.

See What You’re Doing To Yourself

For instance, see what is happening to you. If you’re being physically pushed, slapped or punched, see that happening to you. Start to wonder why you allow it to happen. Also, start to wonder why you put yourself in a relationship where you are getting hit or shoved.

Even more, if you’re working overtime or two or more jobs only to have your partner keep you in debt, see it as if you are keeping yourself in debt. After all, you chose to stay in a relationship where you’re being hurt this way.

This goes back to how you perceive yourself. It’s at the heart of your self-esteem. And, this is related to the more important reason to leave bad relationships, including relationships of presumed love and distance. In other words, bad long distance love illusions don’t weaken the impact of verbal, psychological or other forms of abuse.

Reasons To Get Out Of Bad Relationships

Here are five clear reasons to leave bad relationships. See if you can come up with more healthy reasons to get out of bad relationships and start practicing self-love.

1. Hence, the first reason to leave bad relationships is to give yourself the space to begin to love yourself. Allow yourself the freedom from pain to start to see yourself differently, honestly. Tips to do this include writing down 20 things that you appreciate about yourself. If you can’t come up with 20 right now, start with five. Another way to do this is to accept compliments that people give you. Think about the good that others see in you.
2. Ability to grow is another reason to leave bad relationships. In addition to learning to love yourself, when you leave bad relationships, you can start to grow in many areas. For instance, you might take actions to become physically healthy. And, you might take a free online course, learn another language, start meditating or start a business in your passion field.

More Reasons To Get Out Of Bad Relationships

• Improved overall health is another reason to leave bad relationships. The art of letting go of someone you love who’s unhealed, could cause your blood pressure to enter a healthy range. You also might stop having headaches, back pain and other stress related illnesses.
• Making room for a loving relationship is another reason to say farewell to bad relationships. In fact, the only way to fully enter a loving relationship is to engage in the art of letting go of someone you love but who is too unhealed to love you in return. Keep in mind that staying in long distance love illusion relationships or surviving a bad marriage is just another way to prove to yourself that you aren’t worth much (which is simply not the case).
• You’d much rather experience a truly loving relationship that allows your partner and you to grow than to stay in a fantasy that’s clearly not healthy. In other words, leave bad relationships because you want the real thing. Finally, you want a genuinely love-based relationship.

Practice Daily Self-Love Techniques

Tips to start healing from a bad relationship involve facing the facts and taking responsibility. Accept that your getting to peace and joy is up to you. And, it’s not magic. You have to do the inner work to get there.

This work could take the rest of your physical experience. But, it’s so worth it. In fact, as you continue to practice daily self-love techniques like meditating, journaling, listening to soothing music that you love and surrounding yourself with loving people, you may reach a point where you wouldn’t even consider entering an abusive relationship. Furthermore, you might become a teacher, sharing words of wisdom about love and relationships with others.

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