Main cast: Lydia Cornell (Portia) and Marc McClure (Nash)
Director: Ernest Farino

The most terrifying thing about A Bond of Silk is the opening scene of newlyweds Portia and Nash kissing. Nash’s double chins roil under his skin like some kind of protoplasmic parasite crawling under the skin, and the kissing is more akin to some spine-tingling chewing of two creatures of one another’s lips. Then there is that ghastly hat that Nash is wearing.

These two are on their honeymoon, and Nash has found a travel agent that booked them into a suite at a hotel that was until recently a factory. Portia is skeptical about the “bargain”, thinking that it sounds too good to be true, but Nash claims that he is a master salesman so naturally, it is in him to get them bargains that may seem too good to be true to other lesser beings.

Well, the red flags are fluttering in the air from the get go.

There is no one greeting them upon their arrival, and their suite ends up being at the basement.

Then, their suite has no bed, just what seems like a giant Spider web. Nash, whom Portia clearly didn’t marry for his brainpower, jumps onto it… and gets stuck.

Clearly, these two have somehow found themselves in the lair of a giant spider. Can they get out of this alive?

Well, let me begin by saying that it can be very hard to enjoy this Episode should one ask questions about the premise.

What’s the spider all about? How did it get here? Why would the travel agent send these two to this place? Is the whole thing some kind of elaborate sacrifice to the spider? If yes, really now, what is that spider all about?

Unfortunately, there will be no answers to be had here.

Instead, the first half of the episode is a rather unfunny comedy of errors as Nash just keeps getting dumber and Portia keeps bumbling while trying to extricate Nash from the web. This part is painful to watch as it seems made for a young audience that will laugh at anything delivered with a loud pitch or exaggerated body movements.

Then, the spider shows up, and the episode makes an abrupt turn into darker, more scary territory as the two have to now stop being failed clowns and start worrying about staying alive. It was as if the people behind this one were sadistic SOBs that want to lure kids into a lull before scaring the crap out them, heh.

The spider is done via stop motion, and it looks rather dated and fake when viewed these days. Then again, pointing this out as well as how the spider when shown in full body appears much, much smaller than it is supposed to be—it’s probably petty to do this considering the budget of this show.

Still, the spider may look like a mechanical toy, but the episode succeeds unexpectedly in turning its second half into a pretty compelling fight to stay alive in a narrow space where it sure seems like there is no way one can escape from that spider toy.

All in all, this is an alright episode. The flaws are pretty obvious, and the first half is grating to watch, but it still manages to deliver ample decent entertainment considering its issues. It may not be an awesome episode, but it manages to exceed my admittedly low expectations, so kudos for that!

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