Main cast: Tom Cruise (LT Pete “Maverick” Mitchell), Kelly McGillis (Charlotte “Charlie” Blackwood), Val Kilmer (LT Tom “Iceman” Kazansky), Anthony Edwards (LTJG Nick “Goose” Bradshaw), Tom Skerritt (CDR Mike “Viper” Metcalf), and Michael Ironside (LCDR Rick “Jester” Heatherly)
Director: Tony Scott

I was in the Navy for 10 years. Ten loooong years and I can say I spent at least five of those years in some barracks, in some remote part of the United States, drunk watching a plethora of war movies in the TV room. I hate war movies! I mean it from the bottom of my heart. War movies as a general rule are cliché ridden and rife with recycled plots and dialog and well, cheese. If you were like myself and actually worked on a nuclear submarine you would quickly realize just how god awful fake they are on top of all their other damning traits. But… there were two movies I always liked.

One was An Officer and a Gentleman starring a young, and still good looking, Richard Gere before he unleashed Julia Roberts on us in Pretty Woman. The other was this movie right here. I don’t think it was because these movies are about Navy Pilots in particular. Since I have difficulty seeing the great difference between Navy Pilots and Air Force Pilots as far as being some different breed or such. No, there had to be something that maybe I did not quite understand at first glance.

Then came Quentin Tarantino’s hilarious monologue in the 1994 movie Sleep with Me where he sums up the plot description of Top Gun with the line: “It is a story about a man’s struggle with his own homosexuality.” I have never ever been able to watch this film in the same way since. I don’t know if Quentin was simply coming across with some demented comic jag for effect when he went off on this movie but ya know. If you honestly watch it closely and get beyond the basic imagery and listen to the dialog and focus on the subtle actions, it will happen, it will dawn on you.

The Story
I’m sure you all know the story or have some idea of what it’s about. The movie opens with Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards playing the parts of Maverick and Goose, flying wingman to John Stockwell who plays the bit part Cougar. Cougar gets mentally screwed up after a close encounter with a Russian MiG and barely flies the plane back to the Aircraft Carrier while staring at a picture of his wife and kid. Anyway he gets back and promptly quits stating he loves his wife and kid too much. Here’s your first clue. I mean, why does “wife and kid” suddenly become an issue?

Next thing you know Goose and Maverick are heading off to Top Gun School because it’s so realistic to send people with disciplinary problems to these expensive military schools ya know. The next scene is the famous bar scene where Maverick starts singing You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling and all the other pilots in the bar join together to provide what now seems like a gay men’s chorus. I mean who does this type of thing?

Then the first time we see Viper played by a still good looking older man Tom Skerritt talking to the Top Gun students and the pilots are shown sitting paired up in twos in leather love seats. In each seat one guy has his arm draped along the back as if in some suggestive embrace. One pilot, Hollywood, whispers to his close buddy beside him in the leather love seat as they watch a video: “This gives me a hard-on.” Wolfman leans in real close and says, “Don’t tease me.”

Here it is folks: we are down the rabbit hole and don’t go thinking it gets any fucking better if you keep looking. Maverick is initially portrayed as a loner. A confused young guy who, unlike the rest of the Navy flyboys does not seem to fit in, does not seem to understand the intimate relationship the other Navy Pilots expect of him. Goose tries to talk to him. Goose tries to make him understand there is something he’s not getting. Something about caring for his fellow pilots, about men being men with men. Maybe he wants Maverick to realize they are all spending an awful lot of time standing around the locker room half naked in towels for more than just plot points and grab ass. Heh! Then more dialog take us further out into the void.

Charlie (the main female love interest, yeah right), played by Kelly McGillis, approaches Goose and Maverick in a hallway. Goose sees her and turns to Maverick saying “Okay, well, don’t be late again. You look great honey.” Maverick replies “Thanks, dear. See you in pre-flight.”

Then the gratuitous big bare chested beach volleyball scene usually reserved for top heavy females in bikinis. Poor Goose, the guys won’t let Goose play beach volleyball without his shirt. While all the rest are proud to show off their sweaty pecs and trim abs. All the while the music bumps and grinds its way through Kenny Loggins (yeah there’s a butch guy for ya) singing Playing with the Boys. I loved the scene where Goose stops Maverick from leaving and pleads. “One more game. Please. For me?” If this were any other movie wouldn’t Goose know that Maverick was going to get some? He probably does and is just unwilling to let Maverick go that easily. I mean all the guys are there and they’re all sweaty and maybe tonight…

Maverick and Charlie have their first date, and basically Maverick eats and runs out saying he needs to get a shower. Does she not have a shower there? Plumbing problems perhaps? Not the right equipment? Next in the elevator scene we see Charlie decked out in a very masculine ball cap and leather flight jacket. That’ll get him to notice her, dress like a male pilot. Goose’s wife and kid show up to present us with the fact that gay guys can have covers, I mean families too without conflicting with their most important relationship, the other Top Gun pilot. Carol played by Meg Ryan in a bit part, Goose’s wife, seems to be trying real hard to sell Charlie on how fun it is to be married to a gay guy, I mean a Top Gun Pilot.

So, you all should know by now Goose dies. Yep, that’s too bad really because I think Goose was just about to get his way with Maverick on some sleepless night. Oh well, Viper poignantly consoles Maverick telling him about his valiant dad and saying he would fly Maverick, I mean fly with Maverick anytime. Here’s where I disagree with Quentin Tarantino and a lot of other commentators. At the end of the movie, we may have gotten that big scene between Val Kilmer who plays Iceman and Mavericks main competition, the all around humpy, critical, fly-by-the-book type to Maverick’s rebel-without-a-date. Yes, Iceman and Maverick do have a brief moment at the end of the film, after the gay Navy guys beat the Russians with their joy sticks, where Iceman finally indicates to the rest of the pilots by hugging and making doe eyes, that Maverick is finally now one of them.

But…

What does Maverick actually do? He runs back to Top Gun to become a flight instructor and work under that stud daddy Viper. Yeah, you can think all you want that Maverick is gonna be with Iceman or even that oh-so-remote chance of ever happening, Charlie. That is, if you ignored everything I just pointed out to you. But in my twisted mind its Tom Cruise and Tom Skerritt flying off into the sunset mano y mano. That humpy older guy showing the young guy the ropes deal. Because as we all know if it was good enough for dad, then it’s good enough for Maverick.

The thought of Tom Cruise being Tom Skerritt’s sex toy should make Brooke Shields feel a little bit better.

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