Extracts from the following book – Places not on Google Maps

The Ark Park on Mount Ararat.

This is a Holy Site for Christian Fundamentalists, Creationists, and followers of the NASA space program. This National Park is open only to Christians who must come in two-by-two, along a wooden plank made from gopher wood. All visitors must purchase a lucky dove, who must be released straightaway back into the wild. Should the visitor’s dove return clutching a small twig, the visitor wins a free season ticket to the park, which allows them to stay for forty days and forty nights in a log cabin in the middle of a small lake. No single pets may be brought into the site and no single visitors are allowed unless they took an active part in astronaut training at NASA or unless they can trace their ancestry directly to Noah. A helpful reconstruction of the ark has been built using the film set from a recent Hollywood blockbuster film.

Antalya

The Turkey shop in Antalya sells Christmas decorations, all with “Made in Turkey” written on them. These gifts are for vegans and vegetarians who want to enter the spirit of Christmas without eating any meat.

Istanbul

The Rhinodrome

This open area containing the column of Diocletian is close to the Hippodrome and has a wonderful view over the Golden Horn. Here the visitor will find artificial sex stimulants on sale and anything that has been imported into Turkey illegally. This includes guns, explosives, drugs, and fake fashion items. There are enormous amounts of Turkish viagra on sale as well as fake viagra in all colours of the rainbow.