I asked the sun how the day would be

Clouds or rain or shine

Thanks for asking is what she said

And this was her reply

 

Some days, I don't want to get out of bed

I'm calling in sick today

My favorite planet, Little Blue

Don't cry, I'll be OK

 

 

Later on, she made an appearance

Just in time to eat

Breakfast dinner, supper lunch

Then to bed, but not to sleep 

 

 

Breaker breaker, a Voice on the line

Can I interrupt this call?

Your life is normal, my life is normal

I don't want to live here anymore

Extra curricular demigods

Flying in formation

Some roosting high upon my roof

Pay in quarters for salvation

 

Some days I just don't want to get up

Don't want to make the trip

Nothing can make me, she said pouting

A cigarette dangling from her lip

 

Hey, knock it off, I thought you quit

I said in frank disgust

She vaporized me with a glance 

I turned to ash and dust

 

I've only been bitten a couple times

Since the plague has come and gone

You weren't here, you weren't there

Sleeping on the lawn

 

I'm going to screw together everything you own

Weld it into a grand illusion

Inkblot millionaires, irritated tourists

Lost in a land of confusion

I'm just going to sit down here and take notes

Everything you throw at me

Freedom withers, burning bridges

Unsympathetically

 

Look at the corn growing

Singing to the dawn (that's me)

I Guess I better get a head start

And buy some cutlery

 

Silicone transplant, cellophane lies

Needles in your skin

No point in hiding what's inside

Your disguise is paper thin

 

----

Half asleep, I started writing down whatever came into my mind. Then I would jerk back awake and wonder, "What the fuck is this shit?" I've discovered an interesting method of songwriting, utilizing the debilitation/dilation that comes from being forced to write from a slightly dissociated state of consciousness. 

I'm doing this now, since I don't know if I will be in the mood to write tomorrow morning. It IS Saturday, technically, so I guess I'm not too far out of line. 

Here is a link to a spoken word version of this. It is even rougher and has more bleeps and bloops than this original, which I went back and tidied up slightly...I mean, not much, just a tweak or two for no good reason.

 

----

I got very little sleep last night, but that's really not abnormal. What is a little different is that while writing the above drivel, I was in a semi-conscious state, still lucid, but heavily susceptible to invasive thoughts. These thoughts appeared as distinct voices, personalities other than my own. 

I was hearing April's voice making random statements that were not altogether incongruous with things that she would normally say, tone and inflection included. Other sentences and phrases came drifting in, non-sequitur, blurts and blurbs, nonsensical, whimsical. 

That's just a report. Not going to interpret it or anything. But I will say that I googled "Lamotrigine induced auditory hallucinations," and wouldn't ya know...it's a thing. An extremely rare thing, but documented, nonetheless. 

I will also say, I've been having a bit more energy lately. A restless, dissatisfied energy, mostly, with the usual amount of rage but a tad less despair. Just a gritty determination, like a song with a slowly building rock beat, leading up to--something.  A sneeze? A "whoo-hoo?" The beginning of mania?

 

Being that it's Saturday, and I have had 1/2 cup of coffee thus far, I feel as jacked as a tweeker with ADD. I'm just all over the place. So much squirrelly activity going on upstairs, with minimal focus. It's kind of a thrill, I won't lie. However, I don't think I'd be able to function like this for long without crashing. And what dumb shit I might do in the meantime frightens me not  a little 

 

I don't know, but tomorrow, I am supposed to start on 100mg, doubling my dose. so stay tuned.