I can tell when my thought-materialized body became a subject to bare eyes for my parents and relatives noted down the exact date and time but one thing that I am unsure of is, from when did desires budded up within me.
From the time I knew of this personified me desires were existent and while observing how skillfully it unfolds, I can even tell that this might be the reason behind my birth. They flow like a never-ending stream. I was born with it, am living in it and might even die with some or many.
No one taught me to desire for something, it was there, a group of them or rather an entire universe of them. Some being their group leaders, some upcoming, some new faces and many unrecognizable. Thus, an entire creation of desires like a Flood devastated the surface of the shore where I expected to find peace.
It never gave me chance to abide in the peace, it consistently took away my attention and is doing so while am writing this from the ever-constant shore. I built a wall to stop its impact but each time when am halfway successful it breaks that barrier to flood my attention with its chaos.
With this incessant process now, my attention has started to seek this flood rather than shore. I create blockades for the flood but shrewdly leave a path for it to enter, for am obsessed with it. I have overlooked my true self and have started enjoying this clash with this flood of desires while all the way complaining about the same.
Either of us aren’t going to win this for its just a play, a game which is grave but at the same time a drama for time pass too!
This is a never-ending loop that has started off. Not many know how to stop it and even if they did there are only few who would willingly do so. This loop gives me immeasurable agony, still I won’t ditch it. This agony seems to be my decision. What needs to be done is obvious, how can be done is obvious but it seems am not in a hurry!
This loop has to break. Only a decision is what it would take but who shall convince me for it, who has got the ability to. Who might be so skillful, who might be so radiant for whom I shall forget my darkness or rather I don’t have any option but to forget it?
If it be a human, I shall defeat him with my suffering spell, be it any living organism I have those treatments too! If it be some energy, then I win again!!!
I simply don’t see anyone efficient enough to instill me in truth, if there is anything or anyone, I challenge it!!!
Defeat me from being constantly defeated, maybe then I might shred the barriers that I built and welcome the flood of desires with open arms for there might be no desire, no personified me, no permanent abode devoid of one another……
-Vineeth Nair
