Pax Harrison had only had one dream growing up. He was going to make a difference. As a young child his mother had told him to always follow his heart no matter what anybody said, and when his mother passed away when he was only thirteen years old he vowed to never forget what she had told him. Pax had never known his father besides being told that he was a soldier for the freedom army, which had been demolished when Pax was a baby. One picture was all he had as proof that his father existed, and Pax always carried it with him. The picture was so old you could barely make out his father’s face, but Pax didn’t need to see his face clearly, he had always been so inspired by his fathers’ uniform. When he first saw that picture, he knew he would one day wear a uniform just like his father before him.

The day when Pax was sworn into service for the civil service patrol, he felt a proud presence of both his parents, as if they were there next to him telling him he was doing the right thing. It was about a month into it that he had realized he had no idea what he had gotten himself into. Having grown up on the rich side of town before the divide Pax had always assumed the poor side was to blame for the own demise. Then one day when he was still in training observing on the side of a senior patroller, he had witnessed a kid no more than eight years old being shot for being out past dark. Pax had never been the same since. While he had started to question what side the good side was, he had to stay in his position unless he wanted to be exiled for leaving without cause. Now his life consisted of forcing himself to perform at a job where he didn’t want to be, while saving as many souls as he could without being noticed.

For a long time Pax had been able to get away with not killing anyone by either purposefully directing other civil service patrollers to where the people were, or by delivering them to a safehouse run by an old friend of Pax’s mom. Never, not even once, had he been knocked unconscious for his fellow patrollers to find. Pax knew this night would stay with him for the rest of his life, because from this point on there was no turning back.

At the end of a long grey corridor stood two civil service guards in front of a black door. Pax felt his forehead start to heat up as he took another step closer to the door and the guards. There was a growing feeling of concern inside his gut telling him to make a run for it, but somehow his feet continued to move forward towards the door. When he was only a few steps away one of the guards reached his hand out opening the door so Pax could walk on through. On the other side of the door was a big open room, grey like the hallway, with several doors on all sides. Pax knew exactly which door would lead him to the supervisor waiting for him. This room was were they brough civilians to test them. They would tell them to wait in that room to see how long it would take for them to try one of the doors. Some of them led to more hallways and some to offices. The one Pax had to go through would lead him straight to what he now considered to be hell, because he had no idea if he would ever make it out of that room again. Pax twisted the doorknob and pushed open the door on the far right.

The office Pax had entered had tall shelves filled with books and publications from floor to ceiling. It was small with dim lighting and one single Desk in the left corner where Pax’s commanding officer was hunching over some papers. Commander Ashby was an older man with white hair and deep concern wrinkles between his eyebrows. His glasses rested on his nose as a few strains of hair hung down into his eyes. Ashby lifted his head slightly to see Pax come in and gestured for him to take a seat in front of him. Pax swallowed hard and took a seat.

Not a word was spoken between the two for a few seconds, Pax started to feel the sweat between his shoulder blades, as Ashby sighed and shook his head over his pile of papers. Pax swallowed again so loudly he was sure Ashby could hear it.

“So, what are we going to do with you Harrison” Ashby said finally.

“Excuse me sir?” Pax answered questioningly.

Ashby stood up from his seat and slowly removed his glasses from his face, dropping them down on his desk on top of the papers, and he moved away from behind the desk. Pax kept his eyes locked forward as if Ashby were still sitting in front of him.

“My officers tell me they found you unconscious. Would you care to fill in the blanks?” Ashby asked sternly.

Pax rubbed his hands on his knees a few times trying to think of how he should spin this story. He knew he couldn’t come straight out and say what happened, but he also knew too much lying would expose him.

“There was a group of young adults Sir. They came out of nowhere must have been watching me” Pax said.

 Pax could hear Ashby coming back towards the desk and he tried to adjust his face to not look guilty. Ashby took his time moving around the desk again to take his seat. In his hand he was holding a book which Pax couldn’t see the name of. The stern look on Ashby’s face was still present.

“Mhm. Go on” Ashby said.

“Sir, I do apologize but I cannot recall much else” Pax said.

Ashby dropped the book down on his desk creating a fairly loud noise as the book hit the wooden desk.

“Is that so? Because they…” Ashby started.

Ashby flipped through a few papers in the pile in front of him and lifted one of them to read from.

“They knocked you out with your own gun and then took the bullets but left the gun” Ashby continued.

Pax felt a cold shiver go all the way from his neck to his tailbone. He swallowed yet again feeling the lump in his throat as if he had swallowed a big piece of gun and not his own spit.

“That is what I was told Sir” Pax said, slightly ashamed.

There was an energy inside that small office which Pax couldn’t exactly put his finger on. Was he about to get fired? Arrested? Killed? Maybe he should have just stood up right there and left the room, left the civil service patrol for good and never look back. There were a million thoughts going through Pax’s head at that moment, but it was as if he couldn’t pick one from the crowd, like they were all just floating around at the same time without any clear direction.

“What did you notice about the kids?” Ashby asked.

Pax adjusted himself in his seat slightly before regretting it instantly. He cleared his throat trying to sound secure in himself, but he was afraid he was rather starting to show how uncomfortable he was in the situation.

“They were all dressed in black. Must have been teenagers they were almost my height. I think they were heading for the fence sir” Pax said, making things up as we spoke.

Ashby leaned back in his chair and raised his feet placing them on top of his desk. He folded his hands together and placed them on his stomach as if he was ready to listen to Pax tell him a long story. Pax was struggling to find more information he could possibly lie about. Ashby nodded towards him for him to go on, but Pax had no idea what he could say in that moment.

“I’m afraid that’s all I know Sir. It was still dark outside and…” Pax started.

“You can’t see well in the dark Harrison? You know that’s one of the key tests you go through before taking this job? I believe you aced that test in the field did you not?” Ashby said, cutting Pax off.

“Well, yes Sir I did but…” Pax started again.

“But you just didn’t see that well this morning?” Ashby asked, cutting Pax off again.

“Yes Sir” Pax said, bowing his head in disgrace.

Ashby shook his head before taking his feet off the desk again. He took a deep sigh as he picked up his glasses from the desk and started moving around some of the papers in the pile in front of him.

“This isn’t the first time you have been perceived as lenient Harrison” Ashby said.

Pax picked his head back up to meet Ashby’s eyes.

“Lenient Sir?” Pax asked.

Panic started to set in inside Pax’s gut. He knew this day would come sooner or later. There was always the chance that they would realize he didn’t want to kill people. He didn’t even want to hurt people and that didn’t fit into the civil service profession. Pax could feel his chest get heavier as his breath sped up. No matter how hard he tried to calm himself down it seemed as if his insides refused to stay still. Ashby kept picking out sheets of paper, no doubt papers telling the story of Pax and his leniency. Pax’s organs were all shaking with a growing feeling of fear rising in his throat. Pax thought he might throw up right then and there, so he swallowed trying to push the feeling down.

“In your years here, you have the fewest kills out of any civil service patroller, you hardly have any arrests, and you have never even been interested in moving up from your position. I mean am I wrong Harrison?” Ashby asked.

“Sir, with all due respect I don’t think violence is always the answer” Pax said, instantly regretting the comment.

Ashby slammed him palm down on his desk making Pax jump out of his skin. The feeling of having to throw up came rushing back to his throat but stopped midway up his esophagus.

“If you don’t think violence is necessary, I would ask you to take a walk down the street and look at what those thugs out there have done to our city. We have fought to take it back, but our work is far from done Harrison. Frankly if you are not a team player you can feel free to take a position down at the dock, is that what you want?” Ashby said, fume coming from his ears.

Working at the dock was the lowest position possible for a civil service patroller. The dock was crawling with people who had not received proper treatment for their mental health issues which caused them to become violent. If you had been placed by the dock it meant your life was no longer of value, as most of the civil service patrollers down there would be killed within their first month. If you were one of the lucky ones who didn’t get killed that fast you would eventually die from the disease coming from rats and roaches down there. The civil service was impossible to leave once you had taken the oath to serve, and even if you tried to escape they would find you and kill you before you could make it anywhere. It was almost as if they knew you were planning to escape even before yourself. Pax had never met anyone else like him who didn’t want to hurt anyone, everyone else just seemed to accept their job.

“No Sir” Pax said finally.

Ashby shook his head again looking as Pax with disappointment. He moved from behind the desk again and walked over to the door. He opened it just as someone on the other side handed him a folder and Ashby quickly closed the door again. He walked back over to Pax and his desk where he dropped the folder in front of Pax.

“Harrison this is your last shot. You will write a detailed report on what happened, including everything you did wrong, and you will be stationed in that back ally every night until we find these criminals” Ashby said.

“But Sir, I…” Pax started.

“I don’t want to hear it. Let me make this very clear for you. You will shoot anything that moves until we get the right people for this, you got that? And when I say anything, I mean anything, I don’t care if you see your own reflection and shoot that, but you will shoot anything and everything” Ashby said.

Pax felt himself become very flustered at the thought of what Ashby wanted him to do. He felt the lump in his throat come back again.

“What if I shoot a civil service patroller Sir?” Pax asked.

Ashby’s eyes turned red for anger.

“I don’t give a shit. When you sign on for a position here you accept that you will give your life one day. And if we have to have you shoot a few colleagues to understand your role here then that’s what you have to do. What makes you think you would be able to shoot a civil service patroller anyway? You could not even shoot a few kids. Pfft what a joke” Ashby said.

“I’m sorry but she…” Pax said, before stopping himself.

Ashby’s eyes widened and so did Pax’s.

“She?!” Ashby screamed.

Pax quickly tried to come up with something to save himself, but his mind had gone completely blank from fear. The words kill and kids were ringing to loud inside his skull he wanted to shoot Ashby right then and there. No doubt the world would be a better place without someone like him in it. Even though he had always known this whole place was a waste of time in was in that moment Pax realized he would have to make a choice. Either he would have to accept the brutality of his profession or he would have to try and join the resistance. If he did decide to join the resistance, he would undoubtedly be killed but at this point he didn’t see any point in continuing to live.

“You’re telling me a girl did this to you?” Ashby asked, braking Pax’s concentration.

“Sir I didn’t…” Pax started.

“Save it Harrison. You will go to the sketcher before you do anything else and you will describe in detail this girl, do you hear me?” Ashby said.

“Yes Sir” Pax answered, lowering his head.

“Get out of my sight you’re disgusting” Ashby said, as he sat back down in his seat.

Ashby swung his chair around showing his back to Pax. Pax slowly raised himself up from the chair and started walking out. He could feel the tears behind his eyes start to push their way through. What had he just done? Had he just exposed the young woman from this morning? The civil service was especially cruel to women, in particular women who tried to fight them, and Pax had always tried to be careful to never hurt any woman. He felt trapped inside his own mind and body. If this is what his life was always going to be why was he even there? Why had he ever wanted to be a part of this service and why didn’t anyone ever talk about how horrible they were.

As his feet led Pax back out through the hallway, he slowly lost more and more hope of this world ever being a decent place. With each step it was as if someone took more and more away from him. Pax felt himself becoming something he no longer recognized, and he felt he had no one left to turn to. The only thing he knew now was that he didn’t have too much time left.

End of chapter two.