Hey Guys! 

If you’re familiar with this blog, you’ll probably know that my posts are normally super well thought out with well edited pictures and exciting stories to tell. I hardly ever, in fact I don’t think I ever have, posted a quick post about something that is on my mind at that current moment. But whilst currently sitting on a train home from London, I felt feelings that I couldn’t keep to myself. So, of course, I’ve come straight to my personal outlet, through the WordPress app on my iPhone, to get these feelings out!

I’m feeling SUPER bittersweet. Like, more than I ever have before. And I’m not too sure what to do with these feelings? 

If you live in the U.K. you probably know that if you go to college, you get a super long Summer holiday. Like over 2 months long. I’ve currently been off college for one whole month, and by god has it been some month.

The first thing worth noting that I did when I broke up from college for summer was travelled down to London for West End Live. (Check out my West End Live post HERE) 

My Weekend at West End Live was one of the most amazing weekends I’ve had in a long time, and to be able to kick off my summer holiday like that made me really confident that I was going to have one of the best summers of my life. 

However, as soon as I got home from London on the Monday, I was struck down with some kind of illness that had me bedridden for a good five days. 

Then, that weekend, my friend Katie and I decided to buy tickets to see Phantom of the Opera in July. This was a musical I’d wanted to see for a LONG time and I was ecstatic that we were going to be seeing it in just over three weeks.

But… disaster struck AGAIN as the next week, my mam and I were told that my dog had terminal cancer, was in excruciating pain and the only thing (and the kindest thing) we could do would be to put her down. Obviously this broke my heart, I’ve never felt grief like it in my life, as that same week we had to put her down. I grew up with that dog, she meant everything and more to me, so to see her go was worse than I could ever have imagined.

I thought that this would put a dampener on the rest of my holidays, which really was not what I wanted. There were about 8 weeks left. I did not want to be practically paralysed with grief for 8 more weeks. 

However, again, another silver lining came, as the next week my beautiful new nephew Joey was born. And honestly, I’m absolutely smitten with him. I have two other nephews and I love them to the ends of the earth, but as I was a child myself when they were both born, I’ve never been able to fully appreciate it. Until now. 

And now, we’ve come full circle, because it’s exactly one month since I broke up from college, this weekend was the day we went to see The Phantom of the Opera, and despite some issues (which I will go into in a future blog post about this trip) I’ve had two of the best possible days, with some of my favourite people in the world. And like I said at the start, I don’t know what to do with my feelings? I feel like crying, but at the same time, I can’t stop smiling? It amazes me that this is even possible, that my brain is able to fully function and process at exactly the same time, extreme grief and also extreme happiness and gratitude? It’s just crazy to me?

This is a super messy, unlike ‘Love From, Chloe’ post. I know. But as I’m still currently sitting on the train home from London – alone, as one of my best friends now lives in London, the other lives in Birmingham and got a train one hour earlier than mine and the other has jetted off to Barcelona for the weekend – I felt that I just had to write this up and publish it in the moment, as these feelings would never be more relevant and real. If that makes sense.

If you found this odd then I totally understand, so do I a bit. But I felt there was no better place than this blog to express the mass of emotions I feel at this very moment. 

I hope that if you read this, you were able to enjoy it to some extent, and I promise I will be back with a new (normal) post about how brilliant this weekend was within the next week or so! 

Until next time.