I should be paying attention to pharmacology right now but….. here’s the 19th edition of Things I Heard in Medical School! Featuring, some of the last quotes from Term 4 — I know, I know. Term 4? I’ve had a lot going on. Like trying to pass Term 5 and trying not to kill the people around me. Did I catch you saying something ridiculous? Let me know!

“You see this disease in middle-aged African-American women – that’s another one for black people!”

“If there is sperm in your tap water then you better move.”

“If I tell you that you have a nice sweater on, then you can report me for sexual assault.”

“If you don’t know what THAT is, then you need to date more”

“With cocaine, pupils are dilated. AMEN!”

“I see you back there! I might be old, but I’m still kicking!”

“When you are looking for a place to live and you see smoke like this. This orange smoke. Find a different neighborhood.”

“I had like 4 beers and 3 shots and I’m STILL sober.” *as they stumble around the room like a hot mess*

“The administration at my school was also clueless. Wait… no I’m not saying yours is!”

“Let’s talk about strep pyogenes and a bunch of worthless information.”

“It’s always old dudes that are the biggest whimps.”

“Thanks for showing up! I had to compete against the galaxy and we have a pretty full room here.”

“I don’t kiss on the first date and I don’t give out my email address on the first lecture.”

Student: “Oh, it might be malaria!” | Professor: “Dude you live in Ohio. It’s not malaria.”

“They ask you about the branching degrees of hyphae and then you are like ‘I DON’T CAREEE.'”

“How do you plan an eclipse party? You plan-et!”

“I have no idea what this means but they want you to know it.”

“I’m already over it.”

“You see this at autopsy, but we usually tend to want to keep patients alive so I don’t really care about this.”

Friend: “I don’t even have paper to fan myself. I have a pad though.” | Me: “No no that’s not what that’s for.”

Friend: “I never lost a game of tic tac toe in the last 5 years!” | Me: “Well, someone had to put you in your place.”

Friend: “There are so many pretty girls in our class!” | Me: “So THAT’S what you do all of lecture? Better not let your fiance find out.”

Friend: “I don’t stalk anyone, I don’t even have Facebook open!”  *turns on laptop screen and Facebook is open* | Friend: “Well… this is awkward.”

“If you want to quit smoking, just get Hepatitis A!”

Student: “Each term has its own flavor. Term 5 is stress.” | Me: “If Term 5 is stress then what the mess was Term 4?!”