For this edition of Things I Heard in Medical School, I decided to take a look back at all of the ridiculous things that were said during my pathology lab. My group was not only “hard-working,” but also a blast to work with. The boss lady will miss y’all! Can you guess who said what? Let me know!

“You can’t write testicles there she is a nun!”

“So if you HAVE to get cancer, the best cancer to get is thyroid cancer!”

“I’m pretty sure he is over all of us.”

“He used to be so quiet and now we opened the flood gates and there is no going back.”

“Oh if I clamp the cervix like that, I’ll just ask to get it back!”

“HOW much can I get for a testicle?? I think that’s a good deal.”

“Oh security is here. He’s coming for you and your black market organs.”

“How much can I sell a kidney for? Over 200,000? I can pay off my med school debt with that.”

“It’s an STD. You get it from SEX!!!”

“Are you done Jon?”

“Stop trying to sell your testicle!”

Student 1: “If you don’t come to lab, Jasmin is going to shank you and take your kidney.” | Student 2: “I can see that.” |  Me: “True.”

Student 1: “There’s no strip club here?” | Student 2: “No we don’t have those dollar bills. We gonna be throwing the dollar coins and those hurt!”

“Do you actually type all that out or just copy and past from the interwebs?”

“I think they thought I was harmless because I’m a girl and small, so she kept putting her boobs in my face.”

“WHY does that stupid frog keep coming back?!”

“So I have to put a wig on when I go to a strip club.”

“Quick someone start talking the facilitators are coming!”

“Are you a boobs, butts or legs kind of guy?”

Student 1: “I’m more of a booty guy myself. Gotta have that junk in the trunk.” | Student 2: “I’ll just take whatever I can get.”

“Breasts are best!”

Student 1: “Have fun y’all” |  Me: “You said y’all!!!” | Student 1: “After I sent that I was like what did I just say.”

“I mean you always do so much for your slides I figured you just loved path lab so much.”

“Too much cocaine, huh?”

“You all are full of shit.”

“I don’t know where you are, but I will find you, and eat your fajitas.”

Student 1: “Hey me and Jasmin have been boys since T2! | Me: “I barely talked to you in that lab.”

Student 1: “She was the roll playing student who would drink before study groups and I was trying to consult her. But she was giving me a hard time.” |  Student 2: “I don’t think she as role playing…”

“Gonna miss path or miss path group? Cause those are two waaayyyy different things”

“If it weren’t for him saving you while you were getting grilled, we would still be there.”

“She’s preparing for the pathology encyclopedia she’s going to publish.”

Student 1: “Jasmin is a low-key alcoholic. A— works for an encyclopedia and we got a stripper amongst us. | Student 2:  “I’ll be the cat.”

Student 1: “If it weren’t for him doing such a good job presenting, I wouldn’t come to lab. The rest of  you guys are meh.” | Student 2: “SHOTS FIRED.”

“What were you trying to erase from your hard drive? The NSA knows errthing!”

Student 1: “I see my hard labor is not appreciated. Can I opt out and take my biopsies else where?” | Me: “No one wants a botched biopsy so yea that’s fine.”

“Can you biopsy my biopsy to confirm my biopsy is a biopsy?”

“Jasmin’s like my mom/motivational speaker.”

Student 1: “Oh look, you’re even wearing “Magic Mike” attire!” | Student 2: “Isn’t that a contradiction?”

Student 1: “I can bring utensils and stuff of that nature. Unless you want me to attempt to coo.” | Student 2: “Coo?!? As in make bird sounds?!?”

“I’ll bring food that is native to my people: butter.”

Student 1: “I’m also at his table, but I don’t know if that helps or hurts his chances.” | Me: “Definitely hurt them.”

Student 1: “Jasmin I thought you were on my side.” | Me: “LOL.”

“All I got figured out is that I don’t have it figured out.”

Student 1: “Yeah, he is a stripper apparently.” | Student 2: “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Student 1: “She was only forwarding an old file.” | Me: ” I did that one actually. But ok.” | Student 2: “I’m laughing right now because I can’t tell if Jasmin is taking your replies as you being an ass.”

“So glad for this mute function.”

“I don’t know why you thought he would actually deliver.”