Is the saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" true? Just because we overcome something, it doesn't mean that we become stronger. What actually determines whether we become stronger is how we dealt with the situation we overcame.

I've been hurt over and over by men I've dated. I've found myself crying months after I've gone through something hurtful. I'd lay in bed asking myself all sorts of questions. Why didn't I do things differently? Why didn't I try to prevent certain things from happening? Why wasn't I more assertive? Why didn't I end things sooner? All these thoughts still  overwhelm me, sometimes. Yet, it's clear that the only way for me to come out stronger of these hurtful experiences is by being able to move on. And to move on, we must be able to let go. Finding meaning in our negative experiences helps with this and enables us to focus on the lessons that these experiences teach us.

Trying to always see the light in everything isn't easy. Many of us forget or minimize the value in our experiences. However, if reflecting on our negative experiences in our relationships leads us to change our behaviors, we can truly say we came out stronger. This is because we made a conscious decision to not continue doing things that consistently have negative consequences. Take for example an obese person. He/she hasn't become stronger after surviving a heart attack, unless a behavioral change, such as eating healthy, came out of it. That is, we become stronger, when we not only survive difficulties in our relationships but also implement positive changes where necessary. Hence, the saying should be rephrased as "what doesn't kill you gives you an opportunity to become stronger".