"Brahmathi matha pithero
Pubbachariyathi wuchchare"
"Parents are the Maha Brahma(the god,the divine cause and essence of the world)and are also the principal teachers."This stanza explains that children have no others greater than parents,no other teachers better than parents.
In the ancient Indian society there were beliefs of a mythical Maha Brahma. They thought he was the saviour and were devoted to and had faith in him.The way the Lord Buddha dismissed the concept of Maha Brahma an the way he explained the truth freeing the minds of a larger percentage of the people from wrong beliefs and faith in a saviour,are extra ordinary and marvelous.
Meththa(benevolence),
Karuna(compassion),
Muditha(gentleness)and
Upekkha(indifference or mediocrity);
belived to be Brahma's qualities,the Thathagatha explained;were really the qualities inherent to parents.By putting these qualities into practice,one can attain Brahmahood(go to Brahama world).Thus the Thathagatha relieved the masses from blind faith and showed clearly who thetrue faith should be placed in-none other than parents!He said that the real Brhamas are the parents in the household,rather than an intangible deity.Actually,Brahma is another term for parents.So He said, "Brahmani bhikkhuwe matha pithunang ethang adhiwachanang."
From the very first day an embryo is formed in the womb,the hearts of the parents are filled with benevolence.After the birth,if something gives sorrow,trouble or pain to the child,the parent do everything in their capacity to relieve the child from such afflictions. Therefore,the parents are ever compassionate.They are happy as the child grows and gets married and are generally enthusiastic as he develops both mentally and physically. Therefore,they are full of gentleness.After the marriage,the son or daughter is separated from the parents.But the parents still love them in a sort of mediocre way and act in an equal way in both their happiness and in their sorrow.Therefore,the parents are mediocre.
As such ,the most valuable assets to the parents are their offsprings(Puththakawaththu manussanang).If these assets in their home are not well-cared for,the parents will have to incur a great loss and a great damage.Parents who do not lead their children in the correct path and who do not prompt them for good education have been named by the ancient learned men as enemies and grudge-bearers.
The maternal part in keeping constant vigilance on the children and leading in the correct path is highly prominent. Therefore,the mother is regarded the best friend in the home(Matha miththangsake ghare).Even though a major part of looking after the children is the mother's responsibility,the father is also a major partner in these functions.Both the mother and the father should together look after their children.
In the Asian tradition,the mother is gentle to the children and the father is a little hard on them.the hardness of the father is necessary in order to bring up the children in the proper way.Both these approaches-the mother's gentleness and the father's harshness-are equally necesary qualities which help the correct development of the children.What comfort i there in the world for the child who is deprived of the parental love?
Parents who have lead their children in the correct path and have well-brought up children cna be happy as long as they live.But those parents who have note led their children in the correct path have to face misfortune,evil and sorrow because of their children.Therefore,the parents should bring up their children according to the following five ways,as advised by the Thathagatha. And such parents will always rejoice their l children.
01.Prevent children from misdeeds.
02.Prompt them for good deeds.
03.Give them proper education and training.
04.Arrange marriages for them when they are of age.
05.Divide the worldly assets equally among them at the proper time.
01.Prevent children from misdeeds.
This means turning them away from sin.The children should be shown the way to meritorious life.They should be prevented from associating with bad friends.The children have to learn from the earliest childhood that killing,stealing,adultery,lying and intoxication etc are sins.Here the first and the foremost thing is that the parents set an example to them.02.Prompt them for good deeds.
This is to engage and train them in good work,kind acts,charitable deeds and good turns;make them Good Samaritans.parents rejoicing and telling that their child is good is not going to make the good child a better child.In training the child in good deeds,the child should be made to understand the importance of it and the parents themselves must engage in such good deeds as an example to him or her.
The growing child must be made perceptive and well-informed of the established and standard good deeds of the society and also the acts of goodwill that are beneficial to self and others.Children brought up according to these guidelines will never be backward.Their life will always be progressive.
03.Give them proper education and training.
Most parents today have the ambition to give their children a good acadamic education only.Yes,this is good.The child will be a great scholar,an erudite person,a scientist.However,this is not going to serve any purpose to the world or to the parents in the spiritual aspect.because of the doing pf some such learned men,the whole world is at stake-the global warming,nuclear and biological warfare,drugs,pesticides and a lot more!Therefore,all these confirm the world of the Lord
Buddha,"Seelena anupethassa suthenaththo nawijjathi,"
(Erudition or extensive learning without morality is of no use).
Parent should prevent their children from doing bad deeds,guide them in the right way and give them education and training as much as they can afford.
04.Arrange marriages for them when they are of age.
The fourth responsibility or duty of the parents,according to Buddhist tradition,is to arrange proper marriages for their sons or daughters,at the apt time,from socially and economically matching families in an exemplary way.This is an absolute concern of the parents.This will invariably pave the way to a successful married life.
05.Divide the worldly assets equally among them at the proper time.
When the parents get older,with the body and the mind failing and bodily functions becoming a little difficult to perform;it is prudent to assign general household activities such as earning and spending to the flesh and blood.At this period of the life of parents,they should take special care to be exemplary,to be lenient and to be honorable.They have to be in an eminent state worthy of the children's respect and care.
If there are any goods and chattles belonging to the parents,they must be equally and reasonably divided among all the children.This exchange from parents to children and vice-versa of worldly possessions and care is a great consolation to both parties,in Buddhist tradition.The family unit depends on the mutual assistance of parents and children.
Suppose,just for the sake of explanation,not all parents can afford to hand over their possession to their children,when in need.However,they gave us our lives and brought us up with all our internal organs and external appendages inact.We exist as a beings,because of them.Is not that alone,is a sufficient reason for us to love and look after our parents?
The effort the parents take to bring up a child and the unending flow of love they have for their child are felt by you only when you become a parent yourself.The story of King Ajasaththa elucidates this.He had his father,King Bimbisara,imprisoned for no aprent reason.One day he sent the royal barber to the prison with instructions to gash his father's feet with the razor and fill the cuts with salt-a vaery painful combination.However,King Bibmbisara the father thought,"Oh,my son has realized his mistake and seen the truth.He has sent the barber to shave my beard,trim my hair and bathe me for my release."Instead the royal barber followed the king's orders,carving the feet of King Bimbisara with the razor and filling the wounds with salt,as a result of which the old King was at the death's door.He closed his eyes in severe physical and mental pain and breathed his last.Almost at the same time,King Ajasaththa's queen gave birth to a baby prince.The King was overwhelmed with joy.He thought,"My father too would have been as happy as I am,when I was born.Oh, he should not be where he is."with these thoughts in mind he ordered to release his father,but to no avail.The old King was already dead.King Ajasaththa could not bear his sorrow.
The above story shows that a person realizes more fully the joy and importance of becoming a parent only when that person himself/herself becomes a parent.It goes without saying that the first ones to feel,when children are in trouble or pain,are their parents.They labour day in day out to rear their children,with love and tenderness,always keeping eyes on them,in sun or rain,their lives devoted to that one single purpose!Therefore,it is logically and reasonbly necessary to look after one's parents.
The Thathagatha(Lord Buddha)commended the sons and daughters who treat their parents well,this way.
Owadakari bhatha posi-
kulawangsang adhajayang
Saddho seelena sampanno-
puththo hothi pasangsiyo.
The son(or daughter)who follows instructions,feeds the parents,preserves family traditions,observes moral obligations and is religious;ought to be praised.This points to a son or a daughter who is the centre of appreciation and admiration of the humane and wise.The term puttha in the above stanza denots both son and daughter.According to the dhamma(Buddha's teaching) the son or the daughter who fills the parents' minds with happiness is called a puttha.
The parents are happy at the proper mode of life of their children.Therefore,the children are putthas.The term puttha is not applicable to a son or daughter who fills the parents' minds with sorrow and pain.Parents do not find faults even with the children who do not have good qualities or have lost their good qualities.Most parents do not see any faults in their children.However,what is meant here is that the praiseworthy puththa is the one who,by virtue of his or her good qualities,is appreciated by the wise and humane people.The Thathagatha(The Lord Buddha) said that there were five such qualities,which should begin and develop from the earliest childhood.They are as follows.
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