Obsessive thoughts are the hallmark of an intense crush, but instead of fixating on the object of your longing, change tacks. Instead, consider all of those feelings as an opportunity to reflect on where you’re at emotionally and psychologically. Obsessive thinking is a “red flag” says Toronto-based psychotherapist Aviva Mayers. “It indicates it’s time to reflect on our current, committed relationship and what may be going on there (or not going on) that is causing us to be so swept away by someone else.” For example, a crush may reveal that you’re not having as much fun with your Partner as you used to and have fallen into bad habits. Additionally, it may indicate that you’ve allowed too much emotional distance to crop up between you and your partner, says Mayers. If that’s the case then there’s a solution. Spend less time thinking about that cute guy at work and more quality time with your partner and make sure it’s time spent laughing, talking, and confiding in one another.

2.  Remember that you’ve been through a lot together — and that should be cherished

Research into the science of commitment suggests that couples that grow together, stay together. Complacency is the enemy of development, so keep the love alive by continually experiencing new places, ideas and experiences with your partner. Don’t shut down or shut him or her out when you’re feeling isolated and confused, rather for the health of your union, draw your beloved closer and decide to take on the world — with all of its temptations, joys, sorrows and struggles — together.

3. Acknowledge if you’re feeling lonely

Keep your crush to yourself, but if you’re feeling lonely or undesirable or just missing some affection from your significant other, that’s information your partner should know.
“It isn’t necessary for our partner to know about the content of our fantasies, nor that we are even having them, but rather to be engaged in a discussion with them about what we are needing or missing in the relationship and how we can get it from them, in order that the two of us feel closer again,” says Mayers.