In the waters of life, sometimes we try so hard to stay afloat, to stay on course that we capsize. We begin to grab ahold of any and everything to try and save ourselves. When we do get back on the boat, we focus on trying to stay on the right path. We need a metaphorical Lighthouse to guide us back to shore.
After a major fall, we try time and time again to pick ourselves back up. We search for answers, sometimes in the wrong places. And more importantly, we look for reassurance. We look for the lighthouse, to give us guidance. We listen ever so closely to Gods voice, trying to grab answers from thin air. We try and believe we are in a better place, even when we aren't.
Its frustrating when you feel you've made major life changes, only to find out you've made some of the wrong ones. I stopped drinking, I go to counseling and support groups. I take my medicine on time. And yet still, some of my recent choices have taken a toll on my progression. It took a nightmare to enter into my dreams for me to realize.
In the dream, it felt as if the devil was literally in my home. It felt as if he was trapping me in my apartment. When I awoke, I prayed to God to cover me from things to come, and to give me guidance on things that are happening right now. And thats exactly what he did. That dream, although terrifying was a blessing in disguise. It helped me realize, I have been falling to sleep on necessities. It also helped me see that the enemy is trying to trap me, to leave me no way out. I thank God that there is a way out. There is a king who covers me. And, there is always a new day, to be a new you.
The Lighthouse I needed was in that dream. It will help put me back on track to recovering from the events of the past 9 months. It will help me to heal. It will help me to grow. Unfortunately, some decisions have to be made. Will I continue to give in to seemingly harmless distractions? Will I continue to fall back into old habits? Its time to pick a path, and I'm hoping I'm on the right one.
I capsized, yes. I fell harder than most people ever fall. I went through things most of you will never know. I have been on a constant ride between healing and harming. This is my declaration to never fold again, to never lose my faith, and to always be looking for lighthouses.