This is a Topic I've wanted to write for some time but couldn't quite formulate what I needed to say or clarify the jumbled up thoughts in my head.
After watching yet another 'don't ever give up' video recently, I decided I'd finally try to put down what I believe about the subject because I really feel that it's a false and misleading message.
It's so prevalent at the moment. I'm sure you have all seen the positive memes, videos and sayings on social media, all giving the impression that all you have to do is try to lift your spirits and think positively.
Don't get me wrong, I think words of encouragement can sometimes help to focus your head or give that little message of support you might be needing at a particular moment in time.
The problem for me is that the implication that positive thinking is the answer to all your problems is simplistic, and worse, can make you feel like you are failing when you can't muster up enough good thoughts in a difficult situation.
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Unfortunately no amount of thinking can change actual stressful life events. If you are in debt, grieving, suffering from illness, these are things that are sometimes beyond your control and whilst dwelling on the negative won't help, neither will trying to find the positive. Because, honestly, being in a tough life situation is like being on a battleground with every inch gained a small success but the final goal a million miles away.
As for myself, I'm naturally disposed to try and make the best of things but after a series of events beginning with losing my Dad last year, my ability to stay strong and cheerful completely deserted me. I realised, recently, when things started to improve, that sometimes you need to relinquish and let go and accept that lack of control is just another part of life.
It wasn't an easy lesson to learn but I think it's an important one. And that
Letting go can manifest in many different ways, it can be a literal letting go of things or routines that we can't manage any more. It can be an emotional letting go of a sense of self that no longer seems quite true. And it can be a letting go of a belief that we control everything about our fate.
Which is why the 'think positive' message sounds a false note for me and is counterproductive if things are really bad. Frankly, looking at a picture of a glowing woman on a beach with an inspirational tagline attached can serve as a reminder of how helpless and uninspired we feel. It can have the opposite effect of the intended message and make us feel like we are not quite up to par because with can't ride the storm with sunshine and joy.
I found this interesting article on the topic and it refers to another important point that should be highlighted - masking our real feelings of helplessness doesn't always lead to better things.
'If you feel that the world completely sucks, then telling yourself to think positive isn’t dealing with your real feelings. You can't just put a happy mask on whenever you're feeling miserable and think that's going to solve all your problems.
You need to face your feelings and go through them.'
This ties in with my idea of letting go and accepting what is happening - an experience that won't be achieved by using glib phraseology to pretend that everything is wonderful when it really isn't.
I think the answer for me is hope, I always hope that things will get better and know that life is ever changing and moving forward.
And it's ok to be negative and feel sad or frustrated, accepting that it's how life is at a particular moment makes us human.
