Nobody warned me of the Pain that lingers after the death of an animal. Specially when she’s been with me for 15 years, and nobody told me that agony and sorrow overshadows my daily life. It comes and go, my commute to work sheds a different perspective when I see the sky, it seems that Kokoro is hovering above the clouds, watching over me while I struggle to swallow my tears.

Kokoro Passed away on 7 September 2023 at home. I was at work when the silent screen-lit notification brought to my attention. Initially I saw dad as the messenger but couldn’t see any messages on notifications. And oddly enough, I suspected the formidable though I thought it might be grandma. The office space knew when I led out a sharp “OH MY GOD”, then proceeded to calm myself down before booking a grab over to the house. Calmly called every pet crematorium services in Singapore before agreeing to a specific store. 

Whatever comes after 7 September 2023, is the pain that loiters. While I constantly assure myself that Kokoro is in a good place, and she’s probably gone to a brand new world, I felt that life is different although it may still be the grief and withdrawal from quitting nicotine shortly after her passing. 

I see 444 everywhere I go, I lost interest in astrology things. I felt this weird push to have the urge to quit vaping and it’s definitely the greatest thing I do for myself in awhile.