10:57pm

Though I kept wishing to stop my mind from feeling the need to seek parental validation. I can't help but weep a little after Dinner, with the three of us, eyes plastered to our phones when eating. My Brother showed heavy reluctance to see me for whatever reason. And though I recognized the fact that they were receptive to my questions (as I was the bigger person to initiate the conversation), Mom seems to be distracted with her never-ending complaints about everything. She - distracted with my conversations or rather chose not to partake, lived in her own bubble, constantly glued to my brother and following him wherever he goes. I see a pattern. Big mistake. 

The pain lies when we were about to pay for the meal and no one accepted the bill. Mom kept signaling brother and both bolted out of the restaurant for the "restroom", leaving me behind to foot the bill. I feel abandoned. Though I am mindfully aware that my mom does not act like a mom at times. Not even a thank you would suffice. 

I'd like to think positively in this unprecedented world and take into account the fact that I'm moving back. Hence I want to keep things as civil as possible.

So there is the danger of raising your vibrations. In one day it feels amazing where nothing can stand in your way. But a higher vibration human being can't mingle/befriend a low vibrational being. The low will subconsciously seek to destroy and drag the high to feel low. Especially blood-related. 

I seem to keep having blockages with my mom and brother every time we meet out for dinner. Until this moment in time, when I figure out that the best way to keep me sane is to stop meeting them for dinner. Is it purely my unhinged insensitivity surfacing or are they getting numb to everything? 

Yesterday I went back to my parents' and sat with them at the dining table for some extremely uncomfortable conversation, which was quite an emotional one considering that I made the effort to talk to them about expectations and such. "I just want some peace in the house, without any fights and argument", as it should for high vibrational beings. My father, who proudly admitted that he is not a good listener, blabbers and adds to everything I say. His proud actions, his loud words paired with his uncharismatic appearances. He is just so fucking ugly when he speaks like a typical American Karen - obnoxious and entitled. Sometimes it is just for the better that people like him do not exist at all. The world would be a better place, least in my world. 

My lows getting too low.I hope it's my period arriving soon.