10:19pm
The four horsemen of Jennifer’s mood. Guardians of her temperamental galaxy. I am the mother of severe bipolar flare-ups throughout this week. Not a great way to start the new year I presume. I concluded that the majority of this stem from work. As my love/friendship/family life plans had come to an abrupt halt, I broke all uncommunicative rules and called my mom today, bawling my eyes out with regard to how fucking done I am with work.
As far as my Stress level is concerned, my dopamine is fucked and my serotonin pills are utterly useless, leaving me with a more complicated feeling as usual. Persistently bombarded with the abstraction of choices, daily, making choices to suit the narrative in my world. When making one wrong step alters the entirety of my reality.
Imagine growing pains - Welcome to my convolution.
But deep diving and soul searching have taught me not to give up easily. Perhaps I’m a glass half empty when it comes to love, as written in the stars of my birth chart, yet my optimistic outlook counteracts the above. This circles back to the notion of “choice”. I know I have to manage my stress level one way or another if falling asleep is as easy as staying awake. I wish I could just melt off at some foreign place where names and faces are unknown, spawning mystery and enigma in the air.
Full Moons are just an exponential effect of ungrounded souls wallowing in sequential self-pitying. Full moons taught people to give up their free wills completely, to be shot down by the latter of mass self-care regime. And major useless TikTok “Ted-Talks”.
Thanks. I said it once and I’ll say it again in the next series of events - breakdowns I call it. My energy has been orbiting outside my inner circle when it should be grounded and within me. Time and time again, I caught my attention span expanding to my outer world, where I’m constantly distracted by unruly sounds and unnecessary things.
Recovery from full moons is a tedious process that takes time to regenerate.
Now that the main character in the office has shown up to work after a said month on hiatus, understandably, we all need that December break. I feel like an anchor that has been dragging my feet for so long, lifted off.
