The sun has despondently kissed us goodbye and now we are forced to work like minions yet again. Stationary must be purchased and freedom must be mourned. Our little feet must run as fast as they possibly can in order to make it to that work shift or university lecture. I’ve just about managed to get into the office (otherwise known as my mother’s sofa) on time, and am now typing this up with the gusto of a wind turbine. You, on the other hand, have just stepped in a puddle . Why must such misfortune befall you and not I? Because you’ve forgotten to buy your autumn boots, you imbecile! Oh, don’t sit down in the puddle and cry. It will only make you soggier. Instead of pointing and cackling, I’m going to help you through this difficult time. You might say that I am the towel you use to dry your tootsies. I am the insole for when your shoe doesn’t fit, and the bleach for when your white sock turns grey. I’m the glue you use when your heel snaps off. Perhaps I overindulge in foot metaphors, but that’s just me down to my heart and sole. Sorry, that was terrible. Let’s leave the puns to the experts and get on with finding you a dapper pair of boots from lovely shoes !