Hello D.W.D.I. Family!

    Happy Sunday! I pray that you all are doing well and enjoying the sabbath! Today, I just wanted to write about my self-esteem post break-up.  I guess it was a break-up? Well, "someone wonderful" and I are done.  I ended this time after way too much frustration.  Unlike last time where he dumped me via text because he did not want to hurt me (his words, not mine), this time I felt that nothing had changed.  He still prioritized housework and his friends over spending time with me.  Nothing wrong with either, but if we have plans and you cancel them because of something with your friends or you just ignore me to do your house work, then I have a HUGE problem with that.  What person would not? I just could not, and still cannot, understand why you would seek me out to try a relationship again YET do even worse this time than the last time! What on earth was he thinking?! Even after I told him how it made me feel nothing changed! The behavior did not make any sense, especially sense he said that he thought that I was still "too good for him" when we started talking again.  Unfortunately, the only solution I can come up with after Googling answers, talking with a friend, and my own reflection is that he is just not serious about me.

   OUCH! Yeah, it does hurt to realize that someone I cared for and gave another chance treated me like this.   It was just way more stress than I could deal with, especially when he stopped replying to my messages.  I did cry (just being honest), but honestly, the only mistakes I made were being too nice and giving him another chance.  I hate that he blew it.  He is still not serious and he wasted my time.  He will not have a third chance.  No more than two chances in my opinion.  If someone still cannot get it right after being without me for a period, then that someone does not deserve me and I deserve way better.  Yes, I ended via text ONLY because I knew he would not answer my calls and I had a hard enough time trying to meet with him when we were on good terms.  I have had to realize that his priorities are messed up and that I am just fine.  He claimed he would do better as far as spending time with me and going to church.  Neither happened.  This time, I made this decision for me after thinking about what I want in a mate.  Additionally, the following scripture from 2 Corinthians 13:5-10 just seems to confirm that I made the right decision:

 ⁵ Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? ⁶ And I trust that you will discover that we have not failed the test. ⁷ Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong—not so that people will see that we have stood the test but so that you will do what is right even though we may seem to have failed. ⁸ For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth.⁹ We are glad whenever we are weak but you are strong; and our prayer is that you may be fully restored. ¹⁰ This is why I write these things when I am absent, that when I come I may not have to be harsh in my use of authority—the authority the Lord gave me for building you up, not for tearing you down.

      Yes, I am hurt but I am not brokenhearted like I was when he dumped me.  While it does give me a bit of satisfaction to know that I beat him to the punch, it is far more important that I looked within myself and evaluated his actions of continuously canceling dates and not making time for me.  No man worth his salt would just ignore someone he cared about, especially not a man who takes his relationship with God and his interactions with the children of God seriously.  If someone has done that to you, it is best to put them out of your life.  Yes, people do change, but I know it will not be the case for this guy because his actions spoke far louder than his words.   It is VITAL that we as Christians constantly test ourselves and others to see if we should have continued interactions with someone or to continue on a certain course of actions.  I am so thankful that I continued to pray about this guy and that I have an answer.  I really feel that I can move on to what God has in store for me in the future now that that chapter is permanently closed.  I hope you all can one day feel the same about other hurtful situations in your lives as well.  I also hope to one day write about a wonderful, mature, and selfless man in my life and to say that this is the man who is meant for me.  Hopefully he is out there waiting on me, too.  I totally do not want to seem like a Debbie Downer, but I think it is important that I am honest with you all about my experiences as a Christian, full figured, educated, and minority woman in this day and age.  People need to see that Christians are real people, too, with real problems and real struggles.  Thankfully, I have other things to focus on, and I am sure that you all do, too!

*Group hug*

Well, I am tired and not feeling that great so I am going to nap.  Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, D.W.D.I. Family! We will chat soon!

Love,
CCC