Last Updated on March 5, 2024 by Dean Williams

Have you found your perfect Partner, only to discover they live a plane ride away? Or perhaps your job or schooling is taking you across the country from your partner for an indefinite amount of time.

Whatever the case, long-distance relationships are tough – but that doesn’t mean they’re doomed. With effort, understanding, and commitment from both people, an LDRhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long-distance_relationship'>¹ can go the distance.

After experiencing quite a few long-distance relationships, I know there are definite dos and don’ts when coping with LDRs.

If you follow my top 9 do’s and don’ts for long-distance relationships, you will see how LDRs can not only survive but thrive, just like mine.

Key Takeaways: Do’s and Don’ts for Long Distance Relationships

• Communicate frequently: Don’t leave them hanging and wondering where you are.
• Have plans: Don’t be in relationship limbo. Make plans to be together.
• Visit regularly: If time and money allow, visit each other as often as possible.
• Talk about expectations: Openly discuss your relationship expectations.
• Share your schedules: Let each other know what your schedule is to always be available.
• Plan date nights: Make it fun. LDRs are hard, virtual plan date nights and activities.
• Thoughtful gifts: Send physical, personalized gifts to let them know how much you care.
• Talk about the hard stuff: Don’t avoid difficult conversations. Avoidance makes it worse.
• Trust your relationship: Remember why you are in this relationship and have faith.

My List: Top 9 Do’s and Dont’s

It can be confusing knowing the right things to do in an LDR and the pitfalls you should avoid. Don’t worry, follow my tips and you’ll be on the way to a successful long-distance relationship.

These are my top 9 do’s and don’ts for maintaining a strong and healthy LDRhttps://www.waldenu.edu/programs/psychology/resource/ten-signs-of-a-healthy-relationship'>².

#1

Do Communicate Frequently

First things first, communication is truly key. The number one thing you must do to stay connected is talk, talk, talk – ideally face-to-face via video chat, but also through daily texts, phone calls, voice messages, and even snail mail letters.

Some couples Schedule a standing video date at the same time each week; others have an informal system of chatting whenever they can.

It will depend on other commitments like work and travel times not to mention the time difference.

It’s important to share the ordinary daily updates, the silly jokes and stories, the little things you’d tell your partner if they were nearby.

Yes, discuss major feelings too, but don’t underestimate the power of everyday check-ins. If visits allow intimacy, frequent communication fills in the emotional gaps the rest of the time.

Bonus tip: Don’t underestimate the impact of regular mail. Receiving something tangible that your partner can look back on when they miss you can be a powerful reminder.

Don’t Go More Than a Few Days Without Contact

On the flip side, one of the worst things for an LDR is letting communication lag. Never go more than 2-3 days without at least a text or call.

If schedules get crazy and you can’t talk, at least shoot your partner a quick “Thinking of you but swamped this week! Chat Friday?” message.

Disappearing leaves them feeling insecure; they don’t know what or how you’re doing and who you are with. It’s normal for your LDR partner to feel insecure when you are apart so try not to make it harder on them than it needs to be.

If for some reason you haven’t checked in don’t panic. Life gets busy but try not to ghost your partner and disappear for long periods.

#2

Do Have a Closing-the-Gap Plan

It’s important to have some kind of timeline or roadmap for eventually being in the same location.

You need the hope of an endpoint to the long-distance situation. The end date should be flexible. Work, study, and financial realities will have a lot to do with your plans to be together.

The key is to have a plan. As the old saying goes, “If you don’t plan, you plan to fail.”

The point isn’t an unbreakable promise but rather a shared commitment to prioritizing your relationship despite the distance.

Having a mutual commitment provides stability that makes the separation more bearable. Even open-ended hope is better than nothing.

Don’t Have Zero End Point in Sight

The fastest way for restlessness and uncertainty to erode a long-distance relationship is to have zero plans for closing the gap eventually.

When there’s no end in sight you feel like you’re in limbo and begin wondering “What are we doing?”

Doubt can creep in that your partner is as committed as you are. You are in this together so you need to be pulling in the same direction.

#3

Do Schedule Regular Visits

It’s important to make visiting a priority to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship.

Nothing can replace actual in-person time together. Texts and calls help to maintain an emotional connection, seeing each other, and feeling the chemistry between you is next-level.

Set up a calendar and make plans for who travels when based on your schedules, expenses, visa issues, etc.

Don’t Always Expect Them to Visit You

Try to alternate if you can so one person doesn’t have to bear the burden and stress of always being the one to travel.

I have been in situations where I was always the one traveling to meet my partner. And while I enjoy traveling it can breed resentment in some people.

Being willing to share some of the load even if you can only travel occasionally. Learn to compromise and communicate openly so you are both on the same page.

A good idea is you meet halfway for a vacation so you are both sharing the travel load. It’s a great way to relax in a neutral environment where you can focus on each other.

#4

Do Discuss Expectations

Since you spend more time apart than together in an LDR, take the time to talk about boundaries and expectationshttps://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/maintaining-boundaries-in-romantic-relationships'>³.

Some of the important things to discuss with your LDR partner include:

• The ideal frequency of visits, calls, etc
• Appropriate interactions with exes or friends of the opposite sex
• Handling conflicts long-distance
• Schedules, so you can sync your lives and have a clear plan for communication
• Discuss what is happening in your life while you are apart, family, friends, etc.

I know it doesn’t sound romantic but understanding the “rule of engagement” while you are apart helps to prevent misunderstandings.

This can help you both feel more independent, you still have a life even when you are not together.

Don’t Expect Your Partner to Read Your Mind!

Failure to set expectations and boundaries is dangerous.

People aren’t mind-readers! If strict daily check-ins matter to you but seem excessive to them, that disconnect will slowly brew ill feelings on both sides. They’ll start questioning why you’re so “needy”, while you view their distraction from the relationship as suspicious.

Don’t let the little things fester until they cause a blow-up. Have open talks about what you each want and expect.

Ask what constitutes a breach of trust to your partner and ask them what they expect from you. Open communication is everything in an LDR.

#5

Do Share Schedules in Advance

Plan and share your schedules in advance so you both know what to expect for the days ahead.

So if your job or study load means you’ll be off the grid more than usual for a stretch, give them a heads up.

Say something like “Head up – work is crazy busy at the moment but let’s plan a long video catch-up on Sunday?” This prevents them from feeling neglected if they miss your normal check-in.

For their part, ask your partner to keep you looped in on upcoming trips, deadlines, or friend visits that may eat into your normal chat routine. Life happens but staying informed prevents anyone feeling slighted.

Don’t Disappear Without Explanation

Few things strain an LDR like a partner dropping out of contact suddenly and without warning.

It leaves you endlessly checking your phone wondering if they’re ok, secretly wanting out, or just ghosting you. That agony of not knowing why destroys your sense of security.

So if you’ll be less reachable or emotionally available for a stretch, show them the courtesy of a heads-up text. Shoot over a quick “Babe I’m sorry, this week is CRAZY with my family in town / this huge work crisis. I may be bad at responding but love you!”

Don’t let your partner jump to unfounded suspicions when they don’t hear from you. Keep each other in the loop so you both know what is going on where you are.

#6

Do Have Regular Virtual Date Nights

Couples living together do dinner-and-a-movie nights, right? The same principle applies long distance! Schedule Zoom or Skype dates at least every week or two.

Take turns planning a virtual activity you can share to vary from the usual catch-up texts or calls.

You can watch the same new show while video chatting. Do an online wine-tasting or cooking class together.

Order each other surprise takeout meals. Engage in an online game or trivia. Go through childhood photos together. Anything to make you feel close to each other.

Don’t Put Your LDR on the Back Burner

It’s easy, especially for the partner left behind at home, to use the separation as an excuse to focus more on a local school, jobs, and friends.

Don’t take your relationship for granted just because you can’t be together right now. It’s not usually a voluntary choice for a couple to be apart.

Maybe one of you had to move for work or study or perhaps you met online and are yet to be together permanently. Whatever the reason, staying committed and having open communication can sustain a healthy relationship until the time comes when you can be together.

You might be thinking that your partner is living the high life traveling to exciting destinations and leaving you at home, but believe me, it’s hard for them too. They miss you and are feeling lonely often in a strange place without friends or family.

#7

Do Send Thoughtful Gifts (Not Just Flowers)

While nice, the cliche “I miss you” dozen roses delivered remotely can feel hollow over time, almost impersonal. The same old bouquet just highlights the distance between you more than easing it.

Think about sending a care package of their favorite things to remind them of home and the things they are undoubtedly missing.

I used to send my LDR partner a handwritten journal full of photos and funny stories that only we understood. Imagine receiving a surprise, personalized gift in the mail from your LDR partner, priceless.

My go-to service for sending care packages and gift baskets is Gift Baskets Overseas. They have an excellent range of personalized baskets that are perfect for any situation.

Don’t Forget Holidays and Special Occasions

There are times of the year when you are likely to be missing each other more than usual.

Imagine spending Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Birthdays without your partner. It stings.

Try to plan well ahead for any upcoming special celebrations and schedule special virtual date nights or send a personalized gift by snail-mail.

The key is to plan well ahead to avoid any delays with mail or deliveries.

#8

Do Have Difficult Talks Right Away

Even solid couples argue sometimes – so don’t avoid necessary hard conversations just because you’re currently long-distance.

Lingering tensions plus physical absence generates misery for everyone. Don’t email or text deeply emotional stuff if possible.

Instead, schedule a video call right away when something bothers you. Yes, it may initially be awkward hashing things out through a screen but in real time you can better explain your feelings, understand their perspective, and clarify any misunderstandings.

Addressing conflicts directly before they snowball helps you both feel heard and valued – even from far away.

Don’t Bottle Up Hard Feelings

Suppressing dissatisfaction or confusion about your partner’s problematic behavior serves no use in an LDR!

You’ll worry over every new like or check-in they post, create scenarios for why they’re drifting away, and contempt will grow. Rather than relief, noticing glimpses into their lives causes tension when you don’t confront the elephant in the room.

For their part, your partner can probably sense something’s off but they’re left clueless about what exactly.

So they either ignore the tension or start questioning YOUR commitment. Unspoken bitterness or jealousy separates you much further than the distance alone until everything implodes over some minor misunderstanding.

#9

Do Trust In What You Have Built Together

Ultimately a strong LDR requires mutual trust in each other’s loyalty and commitment.

You have both made sacrifices for your relationship so it only makes sense to trust in what you have built together.

Mutual acceptance is key – you wouldn’t choose this unusual path if you didn’t want a future together.

Have faith in your choices and realize that you share the same hope for the future. Otherwise, why are you in this relationship?

Don’t Be Controlling

Nothing eats away at a long-distance relationship faster than possessiveness and mistrust.

Trying to control who they spend their time with and what activities they are doing is a recipe for disaster.

You want them to trust you and they expect the same level of trust from you. Always checking their social media accounts and questioning every move they make will only drive them away. We all want to be trusted.

So work through anxieties directly with them, but ultimately display faith. After all, a strong relationship depends on both people WANTING to encourage it long-term, despite the separation challenges.

If you’ve built that mutual commitment, it can outlast almost any distance or trust hurdles along the way.

Summing Up: Do’s and Don’ts for Long Distance Relationships

I won’t pretend long-distance romance is easy under even the best circumstances or the most solid relationship foundation.

The success of my LDR comes down to both partners being actively invested in the relationship, communicating often, visiting as often as possible, and maintaining an open and honest dialogue.

Yes, the distance tests patience and increases insecurities temporarily. But view it as a season of growth together, not about abandonment.

The couple who can emerge stronger from the LDR fire together stands positioned to go the distance through life’s future obstacles long-term.

FAQ: Do’s and Don’ts for Long Distance Relationships