So, you spot a super cute guy across the room, but every time you try to make eye contact, he looks away nervously. Or you had a nice Conversation with the sweet cashier at your local coffee shop, but he seemed too shyhttps://chimesnewspaper.com/27413/opinions/dating-guidebook-how-deal-shy-guys/'>¹ to ask for your number.

It can be tricky when wondering How to Get a Shy Guy to Chase You Over Text. You don’t want to come on too strong and scare him off, but you also want him to know you’re interested. Taking things slow and communicating through text can work wonders. Here are some tried-and-true tips for getting a shy cutie to chase you using just your cell phone.

Make the First Move: How to Get a Shy Guy to Chase You Over Text

With shy guys, you will often need to make the first move. I know, gender stereotypeshttps://www.gse.harvard.edu/hgse100/story/breaking-gender-stereotype'>² are so outdated, but shy dudes are simply less likely to muster up the courage to initiate the conversation, they need a gentle nudge.

Usually, they will have low self-esteem, so getting a text from a girl out of the blue will be exciting and make them feel wanted.

So take charge and send him a friendly text, even if you two have never talked before. Keep it casual with something as simple as:

“Hey Steve, it’s Sarah from psych class! How’s your day going?”

Or, if you two have chatted in person before, say:

“Hey Adam, it was great talking the other day at book club. I just wanted to say hi!”

This takes the pressure off him to make the first move and opens the door for conversation. Once he responds (which he undoubtedly will appreciate), you can keep things going by asking about his interests, his weekend plans, or anything related to how you two know each other, like an upcoming test or work project.

The key is to keep it light and friendly at first. Shy guys tend to need time to warm up and get comfortable. Send him a cute emoji like a smiley face or a unicorn to show you’re interested, but avoid heart-eye emojis for now—you don’t want to freak him out!

Show Your Interest: How to Get a Shy Guy to Chase You Over Text

Once you two are chatting comfortably, it’s time to turn up the heat slightly. Get to know him better by asking questions about his hobbies, interests, friends, and family. Everyone loves talking about themselves, and shy people are no exception.

The key here is responding to whatever he says with follow-up questions and comments.

So if he says, “Yeah, I spent the weekend playing video games,” don’t just reply, “Cool.” Say something like “Oh, awesome, what games are you into right now?”

Then you can ask more questions or share your own thoughts on Red Dead Redemption, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, or whatever games he’s obsessed with.

If he mentions he loves a certain band, ask, “What’s your favorite song by them?”

If he saw a movie recently, ask what he thought of the lead actor’s performance. You want to signal that you’re genuinely interested in hearing more about the things he’s passionate about. People light up when others want to engage deeply with their interests.

Compliment Him: How to Get a Shy Guy to Chase You Over Text

Shy guys are often perfectionistshttps://caps.umich.edu/content/perfectionistic-thinking-and-behavior'>³ and people pleasers, so they crave validation and acceptance. One way to make a shy guy feel more comfortable with you is to give him a sincere, specific compliment. After he tells you about accomplishing something at work or school or shares a funny story, let him know you’re impressed!

Say something like “Wow, I really admire your work ethic. I struggle with staying focused on big projects like that.”

Or “You’re so funny! I literally laughed out loud at that story.”

Be genuine, though—he’ll sense if you’re just buttering him up. Make sure to compliment something specific he puts effort into, not just his looks. Shy guys need emotional validation about their talents and skills, not just their dreamy eyes.

Get a Little Flirty: How to Get a Shy Guy to Chase You Over Text

Okay, now that you two are chatting comfortably about your shared interests and he’s loving your sincere compliments, it’s time to test the romantic waters. Send some playful, flirty texts to hint that you think he’s cute, funny, sweet—all the good stuff. A little banter and innuendo can go a long way.

Respond to something silly he said with “Only you could make me laugh this hard!”

Or tell him “I loved our conversation the other night…you’re too much fun to talk to!”

If he says he’s excited about an upcoming concert, say “I’m so jealous, I wish I was going!”

You can even push it slightly further with texts like “You’re cute when you get excited about stuff” or “I always smile when I get a text from you.”

The key with shy guys is keeping it light and not going overboard. You want to hint that you like him more than a friend, but avoid gushing about your undying attraction to him, planning your wedding, or making any intense sexual advances at this stage. Take baby steps!

Be Patient and Give Him Space: How to Get a Shy Guy to Chase You Over Text

One important tip for getting a shy guy comfortable with you is to give him space to respond in his own time. Shy guys tend to move slowly when it comes to relationships and intimacy. If you bombard him with constant texts, he’ll likely feel overwhelmed and withdraw. Shy guys need their space. They like time to process and analyze everything, and I mean everything!

Let your conversations ebb and flow naturally. Don’t freak out if he doesn’t text you back immediately, or if he takes a few hours to respond during a conversation.

Refrain from sending “???” or “Did you get my text?” messages.

Just let it be and he’ll reply when he’s in the right headspace to reply.

Patience is key when you’re dating a shy guy. Don’t take it personally if he needs time between hanging out or texting sessions. It’s just his introverted brain needing to recharge. In the long run, giving him breathing room will make him feel more comfortable opening up to you emotionally.

Ready for the Next Step? Ask Him Out!

Once you two have built rapport through friendly texts, showing genuine interest in each other’s lives, and engaged in some light flirting, it’s time to hint about taking it to the next level. If you feel like the attraction is mutual⁴, suggest meeting up one-on-one by asking him out on a date. Low-pressure hangouts like grabbing coffee or ice cream are perfect for shy guys.

Remember, you will have to take the lead. Don’t get hung up on the idea that guys usually take the lead. Be the driver, not the passenger!

Say something like, “Would you like to get coffee with me this weekend? There’s this cool new cafe I’ve been wanting to try.”

If he says yes, make plans to lock it in. If he waffles, says he’s busy, or changes the subject, he may need more time to warm up. That’s okay! Go back to light, flirty texts and try again in a week or two.

It may take a shy guy time to lower his “force field”, but don’t take it personally. With patience and gentle persistence, you will eventually break through.

With the right balance of friendliness, flirting, patience, and understanding, you can get even the shyest guy to come out of his shell and chase you. Just follow your instincts, avoid pressuring him, and you’ll be dating your shy crush in no time! Good luck!

Take the Quiz!

Conclusion: How to Get a Shy Guy to Chase You Over Text

Getting a shy guy to open up and chase you may seem tricky, but just follow these tips:

• Make the first move with a friendly text
• Ask questions and show interest in his passions
• Compliment him in a sincere, thoughtful way
• Flirt lightly to hint at your romantic interest
• Give him space to respond at his own pace
• Be patient; shy guys take things slowly

If you can make him feel comfortable with you through upbeat conversations and genuine interest, he’ll warm up to you in no time!

FAQ: Getting a Shy Guy to Chase You

Q: Should I just ask a shy guy out first?

A: Being super direct can backfire with shy guys. It’s usually better to build rapport through friendly texts first, then suggest a casual, low-pressure date. Don’t put him on the spot before he’s comfortable with you.

Q: What if he starts leaving me on read or takes forever to text back?

A: Try backing off a bit; you may be coming on too strongly. Give him some breathing room, and if he doesn’t re-engage after a week or so, he may not be interested. Don’t take it personally!

Q: He said yes to a date, but now he’s acting distant. What gives?

A: Shy guys often get nervous right before dates. Give him space to work through his anxiety. Focus on having fun together when the date comes. His jitters will likely melt away once you’re hanging out in person.

Q: He’s really attentive through text but shy and quiet when we hang out. What should I do?

A: This is common with shy guys. Focus on doing activities together that bring him out of his shell, like mini golf or seeing a comedy show. Don’t fill silences; give him time to speak up. He’ll open up!

Q: How can I tell if a shy guy is actually interested or just being polite?

A: Look for signs like him asking you questions about yourself, responding quickly to texts, remembering details you tell him, and laughing at your jokes. If he’s engaged in conversation, he’s likely interested!