Long-distance relationships can seem so romantic at first. The late-night phone calls, counting down the days until your next visit, professing your undying love through letters and care packages—but once the initial honeymoon phase wears off, the harsh realities of being in a long-distance relationshiphttps://wellbeing.jhu.edu/blog/2022/07/22/how-to-have-a-healthy-long-distance-relationship/'>¹ start to set in.

As someone who has been in successful long-distance relationships, I’ve experienced the highs and lows firsthand. While long-distance love can absolutely work, there are some brutally honest truths you need to be prepared for.

In this article, I’ll share the 3 harshest facts about LDRs that no one likes to talk about. I’ll also give tips on how to handle the challenges and set realistic expectations so you can make your long-distance relationship go the distance.

Harsh Fact #1: Loneliness

No sugarcoating here—long-distance relationships can be lonely. Incredibly lonely. We all crave physical closeness, intimacy, and affection in relationships. When your partner is many miles away, those needs often go unfulfilled.

Video calls and racy sexts might seem like they help, but they don’t come close to the comfort of falling asleep next to your partner or resting your head on their chest. Distance deprives you of those little moments.

Even if you’re an independent person, loneliness can feel overwhelming at times. You miss out on each other’s daily lives. You come home to an empty house. You sleep in a cold, empty bed. During difficult times, they aren’t there to hold you.

Coping with intense lonelinesshttps://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/11_things_to_do_when_you_feel_lonely'>² is one of the greatest struggles for LDRs. Feeling like you lack your primary emotional support can lead to sadness, anxiety, emptiness, and even depression.

How to Cope with Loneliness:

• Schedule frequent virtual date nights: Set up Skype or FaceTime dates to chat, play games, or watch movies together. Maintain romantic intimacy.
• Fill your life with social activities: Don’t isolate yourself. Make an effort to see friends and family often. Join clubs or take classes to meet people.
• Take solo adventures: Use the time apart to do fun things that make you happy independently. Travel, hike, or take a cooking class. Enjoy your own company.
• Make reunion plans: Having something to look forward to, like booking your next visit, can lift your spirits during lonely moments.
• Share your feelings with your partner: Be open when the loneliness becomes overwhelming. Leaning on each other will help you get through it.

Harsh Fact #2: Lack of Physical Intimacy

Intimacy is a core foundation of any strong relationship. When physical intimacy is taken away, it can start to negatively impact your connection.

Humans have biological needs for sex and physical touch. In long-distance relationships, those needs often go unmet for long stretches of time, which can brew frustration.

You might start feeling more like roommates than lovers. The distance puts a strain on maintaining passion and chemistry. Out of sight can sometimes mean out of mind.

When you do finally reunite, there’s immense pressure to be intimate, which can affect performance and satisfaction. There’s also a risk of seeking intimacy outside the relationship.

How to Handle the Lack of Physical Intimacy:

• Schedule intimacy: Mark your calendars for steamy video chats and phone sex. Build anticipation for your next visit.
• Be creative digitally: Sext, send racy photos/videos, email erotic stories, and use sex toys together over video. Explore ways to virtually fulfill your needs.
• Discuss your desires openly: Prevent frustrations by talking about your sexual needs and how to meet them from afar.
• Reunions require readjustment: Don’t expect fireworks immediately. Ease back into intimacy gradually. Rediscover each other’s bodies.
• Focus on emotional intimacy too: Bond through deep conversations, words of affirmation, sharing memories, and expressing your love.

Harsh Fact #3: Jealousy and Trust Issues

Here’s an ugly truth about LDRs: when your partner is far away, it’s easy to get jealoushttps://askdruniverse.wsu.edu/2015/05/08/a-green-eyed-monster/'>³ and paranoid. Out of sight means you don’t know how they spend their time each day or who they interact with.

Your imagination can run wild thinking about what they could be doing without you there. Suspicions and jealousy might start to take over, creating an atmosphere of mistrust.

You might obsessively monitor their social media for clues or constantly need reassurance. But no amount of snooping or grilling them will provide total peace of mind.

The distance also makes it easier for a partner to lie, hide things from you, or potentially cheat. Not being able to see each other’s day-to-day lives breeds insecurity.

How to Overcome Jealousy and Trust Issues:

• Communicate openly and often: Leave no question about how you spend your time apart. Be transparent.
• Discuss your personal boundaries: Be clear about what you consider crossing the line and what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
• Don’t make accusations without cause: Voice your feelings, but avoid making unfounded assumptions. Don’t let paranoia sabotage your relationship.
• Keep busy: Fill your time with activities and people, so you don’t sit around overanalyzing.
• Plan visits frequently: Seeing each other more often eases doubts and brings you closer. Out of sight shouldn’t mean out of mind.

5 Red Flags 🚩 to Watch Out For in a Long-Distance Relationship

When you relinquish the ability to see each other’s daily lives up close, it creates vulnerabilities. Here are 5 worrisome behaviors to keep an eye out for:

1. They Become Withdrawn and Distant

• Less frequent communication
• One-word responses
• Excuses to get off the phone
• Forgetting important dates/events

Could all be signs of loss of interest, depression, or finding fulfillment elsewhere.

2. They’re Secretive About Their Phone and Online Activities

• Guarding phone closely
• angles away during video chats
• Closing browser windows when you walk by
• Password-protecting devices

This could raise suspicions about who they’re communicating with.

3. Dodging Questions About How They Spend Their Time

• Vague responses about plans
• Changing subjects
• They become irritated by your questions
• Avoiding details about activities

Being evasive could be a sign of mistrust in the relationship.

4. Drastic Changes in Appearance, Style, or Behavior

• New hair or clothing style
• starting new hobbies
• using different speech/slang
• staying out late more

Could indicate the influence of a new love interest or friend group.

5. More Frequent Arguments

• nitpicking over small issues
• lashing out defensively
• unwillingness to discuss problems
• tension as soon as you talk

If you find you are arguing more than usual, this could be a sign of unhappiness in the relationship.

While not necessarily red flags, noticeable shifts in your partner’s normal routines, habits, communication style, and personality could require a conversation to understand what’s going on.

5 Bad Habits That Can Ruin a Long-Distance Relationship

Successful long-distance relationships require work and commitment to keep the connection strong between visits. Falling into these bad habits could slowly corrode your relationship:

1. Relying Too Heavily on Texting: Texting is convenient but misses the nuance of real conversations. Don’t let texting become your primary mode of communication.
2. Letting Jealousy Run Rampant: Obsessively monitoring their social media and interrogating their partner breeds toxicity. Keep jealousy in check.
3. Keeping Important Thoughts or Feelings to Yourself: Bottling up issues causes resentment. Always express your needs openly and honestly.
4. Neglecting Virtual Quality Time: Out of sight can become out of mind. Prioritize virtual dates, video chats, love letters, etc.
5. Fighting Mainly Over Text: Discussing sensitive topics over text often backfires. Have tough talks in person, or at least via phone or video chat.

Make a point to avoid these destructive habits, even when distance makes them more tempting. Have calm, open conversations about your situation to avoid any doubts and miscommunications.

How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work: 7 Key Tips

While challenging, long-distance relationships can absolutely thrive. It takes effort, patience, trusthttps://www.thomsonreuters.com/en/about-us/trust-principles.html'>⁴, and creativity, but thousands of couples make it work every day.

Here are 7 essential tips:

1. Set Realistic Expectations

Understand that hardship is inevitable. Expect highs and lows, joy and suffering. Managing expectations helps weather the storm.

2. Communicate Frequently and Openly

Regular conversations keep you present in each other’s lives. Share feelings, hopes, and fears—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

3. Make Virtual Intimacy a Priority

Get creative with digital flirting, video dates, steamy chats, sexy pictures, phone sex, etc. Don’t lose your intimate connection.

4. Plan In-Person Meetups Regularly

Frequent visits are vital. Touch, sex, and quality time recharge your relationship’s batteries.

5. Discuss Your Needs and Boundaries

Prevent problems by clearly voicing your desires, deal breakers, and boundaries around trust, fidelity, communication, etc.

6. Nurture Your Individual Lives Too

Enrich your solo life with friends, family, hobbies, travel adventures, classes, and career goals.

7. Be Transparent

Nothing should feel off-limits to discuss. Secrecy corrodes trust. Overcommunicate the details of your daily lives.

With mutual love, patience, and understanding, you can overcome the difficulties of loving over a distance. Stay vigilant against pitfalls, and your relationship can thrive.

Knowing When to Take Things to the Next Level

The moment comes in every LDR when you start questioning if it’s time to graduate your relationship to the next level. How do you know when to take the plunge and close the gap?

Here are 5 telltale signs it may be time to take the relationship to the next level:

• You’ve been successfully long-distance dating for over a year. You’ve proven you can handle the hardships.
• You hate saying goodbye at the end of a visit. Parting ways gets harder each time.
• You deeply crave the little things, like falling asleep together, making meals together, and grocery shopping together.
• You’re both equally eager and willing to relocate. Neither feels pressured or unsure.
• You’ve discussed all the logistics—whose job, where to live, how to manage costs. No major barriers stand in the way.

Ultimately, there’s no perfect answer. It’s about following your intuition and determining if you’re ready for that next big step.

Some things to seriously consider:

• Are you equally committed to closing the gap soon?
• Have you spent extended time together in person to test your compatibility?
• Will moving in together align with your career and educational trajectories?
• Can you financially support the relocation? Identify your budget and saving needs.
• Which city makes the most sense for employment and quality of life? Pros and cons of locations.

When you’ve weighed the practical concerns and feel secure and excited about cohabitating, it’s usually a sign you’re ready to unite for the next chapter.

Common Mistakes That Ruin Long Distance Relationships

Closing the distance requires honesty, commitment, and vigilance. Without that, LDRs often crumble. Here are some of the most common missteps:

• Losing consistent communication: Out of sight can quickly become out of mind. Failing to check in daily leads to disconnections.
• Avoiding difficult conversations: Sweeping issues under the rug instead of having open and honest discussions about problems.
• Not making time for virtual intimacy: Neglecting sexual and emotional intimacy over video and phone.
• Failing to set boundaries: Not discussing boundaries and expectations around communication, trust, and fidelity.
• Taking each other for granted: Losing appreciation by not making sweet gestures, planning thoughtful surprises, or expressing your feelings.
• Relying too heavily on texting: Using only quick, convenient texts instead of phone and video conversations.
• Throwing jealousy tantrums: Accusing your partner, interrogating them, obsessing over their social media. Toxic jealousy corrodes trust.
• Cheating: Infidelity is always a conscious choice, not a mistake. Once trust is broken, it’s nearly impossible to rebuild it.

Avoid falling into these destructive patterns. Nip issues in the bud before they escalate. With constant nurturing, LDRs can thrive.

Conclusion: 3 Harsh Facts About Long Distance Relationships

Long-distance relationships require a special breed of devotion, patience, and resilience. While beautiful in many ways, geographic separation also brings profound challenges.

The distance exacerbates struggles like isolation, jealousy, a lack of physical intimacy, and communication breakdowns. Before committing, know that it will be the hardest thing you ever do.

But the couples who power through with effort and trust prove long-distance love can succeed. Understand the harsh facts going in, but don’t let them deter you from an amazing relationship.

Adopting coping strategies, a realistic outlook, and vigilance are needed to conquer the miles dividing you and your love. Stay present in each other’s hearts and lives despite the distance. Then watch your extraordinary relationship blossom and thrive.

Frequently Asked Questions About Long Distance Relationships

Q. How long can a long-distance relationship last?

There’s no set expiration date. LDRs can absolutely go the distance long-term and end in marriage with concerted commitment. Consistent effort from both partners is key.

Q. What percentage of long-distance relationships actually work out?

Research shows around 4 to 5 million couples in the U.S. alone are in long-distance relationships. Of those, between 40-50% endure successfully over the long term. Communication and trust are make-or-break factors.

Q. How often should you see each other in a long-distance relationship?

You should aim to see each other at least once a month, if possible. The frequency of visits helps ease the strain of separation. Video chat multiple times per week as well.

Q. How do you keep intimacy alive in a long-distance relationship?

Schedule steamy video chats, send sexy texts, emails, or pictures, have phone sex, watch romantic movies together virtually, read or write erotica together, and send sweet care packages.

Q. What are 5 tips to make a long-distance relationship work?

1. Communicate deeply and often
2. Prioritize virtual intimacy
3. Plan in-person visits as frequently as possible
4. Be transparent about your daily life and activities
5. Don’t lose appreciation; continue thoughtful gestures

Q. How do you test a long-distance relationship?

Have an honest discussion about expectations, schedule frequent video chats, share access to devices and accounts to establish trust, and travel to each other’s hometowns to learn their habits. Proactively address any issues quickly.

Q. At what point should you end a long-distance relationship?

End it if one or both individuals stop putting in equal effort, if you no longer enjoy physical contact, if frequent conflicts arise with no resolution, and if trust and honesty begin to deteriorate. When the link evaporates, don’t drag it out.

Q. How do you keep a guy interested in a long-distance relationship?

Listen attentively when you connect. Dress up cute on video dates. Send playful, flirty texts. Mail sweet surprises. Share your inner thoughts. Compliment him. Plan fun virtual activities. Reminisce about your favorite memories.

Q. What are healthy boundaries in a long-distance relationship?

Discuss appropriate interactions with exes, expectations around sexual fidelity, guidelines around solo travel and social activities, terms of endearment, public displays of affection, and appropriate communication frequencies.

Trust, patience, creativity, and vigilance are keys to conquering the harsh challenges of loving from afar. With concerted effort, long-distance couples can thrive. Keep your hearts entwined across the miles.