According to a recent survey carried out in Nigeria, four thousand couples filed for divorce in different courts in Nigeria in 2022. This is an astronomical  increase compared to previous years. Some of those  marriages did not enjoy the arbitration of the courts because they ended immediately after the Native Law and Custom Marriage aka traditional marriage. Some managed to reach the religious stage - Church/Islamic wedding and fell before  the court  marriage.  Those that made it to the Court/ Legal Marriage collapsed a few years later!

Surprisingly, most of the failed marriages involved celebrities, especially those in the movie and general entertainment industry.  A sizable number of the divorces involved highly educated couples - those with first university degrees and above.  We  feel some things are fundamentally wrong with modern marriages for them to crash like a pack of cards even before they are built, for it was not like this in the 80s downwards. What are we not doing right that our parents did that made them keep their marriages for upward of 50 years and beyond? 

In  this piece, we will try to examine some factors that are capable of causing divorce and have indeed brought about  separation and divorce. Some of the factors include but not limited to the following;

MATERIALISM.  A particular woman  married her husband  because he had money and came from a rich family.  By a stroke of fate, the man and  his parents became broke, and eventually  the so-called love she had for him broke down immediately and consequently, she went to court  to seek for dissolution of the marriage. Eventually, they went their separate ways!

INFIDELITY. Once a man and a woman exchange marriage vows, they literally swear an oath to keep their bodies for each other alone. Once any of the parties goes against the marriage vows, disaffection sets in. The end result  is often divorce. 

Now, what would make a man or a woman commit adultery? Sexual dissatisfaction, low or high libido, promiscuity, lack of attraction/ affection for each other? Well, all of these factors have been found to be responsible for infidelity in marriages. However, if true love exists between couples, they will hardly succumb to these temptations that have often torn couples apart.

FINANCIAL PROBLEM. In most cultures of the world, especially in Africa, the man bears most of the financial responsibilities in a union. The woman acts merely as a helper in financial matters; that is, she augments the man's contributions according to her ability.  If, at some point of their marriage the man is unable to meet his financial obligations, some women find it difficult to cope. Conversely, if a woman carries the financial burden of a family for too long, she becomes overburdened and finds it difficult to cope. This factor contributed to over 40% of divorces in 2022!

DOMESTIC ABUSE. On the home front, some men treat their wives like slaves or play things. Instead of settling their differences amicably, the  man exhibits his feminine nature and beats the woman. Some women died as a result of violence from their husbands. Some women are also guilty of domestic abuse/ violence against their husbands. They  nag the daylight out of their husbands thereby causing them emotional trauma.  Some men who could not cope with their wife's quarrelsome nature  ended up abandoning their homes at a time and eventually ended their marriage. 

FEMINISM. This is a word deliberately  misconstrued by some women to mean equality in marriage instead of equality of the sexes in all public and  private  life. Some women  who cling to this distorted ideology see it as an opportunity to disregard and disrespect their husbands. They claim to have woken up and as a result abdicate some of their primary roles in marriage such as cooking for the family. Although there is nothing stopping a man from performing certain tasks in the home, especially if he cannot afford help, some women hide under the guise  of feminism to insist that the man do certain things in the house, which ordinary the woman can do without much ado. Some men find this practice distasteful and cannot manage the situation, hence they end their marriage.  

SUBSTANCE ABUSE. A man or a woman who misuses drugs or alcohol rarely makes a good and stable home. Such a person requires clinical and psychological help. If the affected person fails to look for solutions to his or her problem, trouble sets in. In order to maintain his or her sanity, the victim of substance abuse ends the marriage. 

LACK OF COMMITMENT TO ONE'S RELIGION. The two major religions - Christianity and Islam, abhor divorce.  Couples who are rooted in their religion will avoid divorce at all costs.   Unfortunately, some married couples no longer keep to the tenets of their faith. Couples who keep to their faith have been found to have an enduring relationship.

Having examined the above factors that have torn marriages apart, we advise that men and women should endeavour to avoid those things that are inimical to a successful marriage. Men should  note that women are now empowered differently and as a result are able to speak up for themselves. On their part, men are continually becoming impatient with their wives' lack of submissiveness. The meeting point  therefore is understanding. Once couples understand themselves, the universe will always adjust to what they want - a happy home. Making your marriage  work is your own making. If you have the conviction and commitment, your marriage will stand the test of time.