Many times, we think of Affection as romantic gestures between two people: a kiss, hug, or holding hands. More generally, our affections are simply responses to those things that we care most about. This is why it is important to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and to Love God so that our affections do not become misguided. When we begin showing affection toward the wrong things or for the wrong reasons, we are in danger of being drawn away from God, our first love. Misguided affections lead to misguided motives which lead to misguided actions. Our affections are indicative of what we care about the most. What would your friends say you care most about?

Where should I focus my affections?

Mark 12:30

And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.

Psalm 42:1-2

As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God. I thirst for God, the living God. When can I go and stand before him?

Psalm 73:25

Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.

If our greatest affection is for God, our priorities are in the right place.

1 John 2:3

And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.

1 John 5:3

Loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome.

Psalm 119:20, 97, 103, 167

I am always overwhelmed with a desire for your regulations . . . Oh, how I love your instructions! I think about them all day long . . . How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey . . . I have obeyed your laws, for I love them very much.

John 14:15

"If you love me, obey my commandments.

We should hold an affection for God’s Word. Through God’s Word, we learn about his character and how to become more like him. When we grow in our affection for his Word and apply it to our lives, we will grow in our understanding and affection of the One who wrote it.

Psalm 27:4

The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.

Psalm 69:9

Passion for your house has consumed me, and the insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.

Acts 2:42

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord's Supper), and to prayer.

1 John 4:20

If someone says, "I love God," but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar; for if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?

John 13:34-35

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. [35] Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

God calls us to love his church. Through the church, we can worship him in a special way in community with fellow believers. People—even Christians—can be frustrating at times. But how can we claim to love our Heavenly Father if we don’t love his children? And how can we claim to love Christ if we don’t love his bride, the church?

Psalm 16:3

The godly people in the land are my true heroes! I take pleasure in them!

John 13:34

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.

Mark 12:31

The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.

Luke 10:36-37

"Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?" Jesus asked. [37] The man replied, "The one who showed him mercy." Then Jesus said, "Yes, now go and do the same."

Matthew 5:44

But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!

The second-greatest commandment in all of Scripture is to love our neighbors as ourselves. That sounds easy enough, until we realize who Jesus meant by “neighbor.” Samaritans were descended from Israelites, but they had compromised and distorted the Jewish faith, so the Jews rejected them. In response, Samaritans had sided against the Jewish people politically, and even hindered the rebuilding of the temple. The Samaritan equivalent for us today might be the “out there” denomination that gives a bad name to Christianity, or a political group that opposes a godly cause. Yet in Jesus’ parable, the Samaritan is the hero who showed kindness. Jesus’ listeners must have felt uncomfortable, even ashamed, hearing a story in which their enemy behaved with more godliness than they did. Jesus challenged them—and us—to imitate the Samaritan’s example of selfless love. Who are some people you struggle to love?

How does God express his affection for me?

John 3:16

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

1 John 4:9-10

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

God gave up his own son, Jesus, as an expression of his love for us. Jesus suffered and died so that we can live forever with him. This is real love.

Psalm 136:1

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Jeremiah 31:3

Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.”

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.”

God desires a daily and eternal relationship with us, and continually pursues us with his love.

1 Peter 5:7

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Philippians 4:6-7

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. [7] Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:26

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.

Hebrews 4:16

So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.

Psalm 23:4

Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.

Our heavenly Father shows his affection for us by hearing our prayers and comforting us in our struggles. While he often provides protection and removes obstacles, he will not remove every pain or struggle from our lives. Struggle is necessary for growth. A child learning to bike may scrape her knee, but that doesn’t mean her earthly father isn’t watching, ready to comfort her, bandage her, and encourage her next attempt. In the same way, our Heavenly Father watches over us, lifting us up when we fall, bandaging our wounds, and leading us onward in our walk with him.

Matthew 6:31-33

"So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' [32] These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. [33] Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

James 1:17

Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.

Matthew 7:9-11

"You parents-if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead? [10] Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake? Of course not! [11] So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

1 John 5:14

And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him.

God knows our needs and hears our prayers for his provision. Just like a loving earthly father, he delights in giving good gifts to his children. That does not mean he will make us rich or indulge all our desires—such indulgence could harm us more than it helps us. However, God does rejoice in our happiness, and he often shows his affection through blessings, both physical and spiritual.

Luke 15:18-20

I will go home to my father and say, "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, [19] and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant."' [20] "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.

Romans 5:8

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

Matthew 18:12-14

"If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won't he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? [13] And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn't wander away! [14] In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father's will that even one of these little ones should perish.

God shows his affection for us by searching for us when we have lost our way, sacrificing for us when we have done nothing to deserve it, and running to us to welcome us home. He does not wait for us to earn our way to him or grovel at his feet—he welcomes us as his children and celebrates our return.

How can I express my affection for God?

Psalm 143:6

I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Psalm 130:6

I long for the Lord more than sentries long for the dawn, yes, more than sentries long for the dawn.

Psalm 63:1

O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water.

Our longing for God is evidence of our affection for him.

Psalm 84:2

I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord. With my whole being, body and soul, I will shout joyfully to the living God.

Hebrews 13:15

Therefore, let us offer through Jesus a continual sacrifice of praise to God, proclaiming our allegiance to his name.

Luke 12:8-9

"I tell you the truth, everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, the Son of Man will also acknowledge in the presence of God's angels. [9] But anyone who denies me here on earth will be denied before God's angels.

Psalm 95:1

Come, let us sing to the LORD! Let us shout joyfully to the Rock of our salvation.

Our words are evidence of our affection for God, both in what we say and what we don’t say.

John 14:15

If you love me, obey my commandments.

Isaiah 26:8

Lord, we show our trust in you by obeying your laws; our heart’s desire is to glorify your name.

Psalm 119:40, 131

I long to obey your commandments! Renew my life with your goodness . . . I pant with expectation, longing for your commands.

1 John 2:3

And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments.

Obedience to God and his Word is evidence of our affection for him. Talking about God’s Word without living out God’s Word is worthless (James 1:22-25). If we truly know, love, and trust God, we will obey him, both because we know he desires what is best, and because we desire to honor him.

How can I show my affection for my spouse?

1 Peter 4:8

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Colossians 3:12

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Ephesians 4:32

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

You can show affection for your spouse through patience, kindness, and humility. Forbearance and forgiveness build lasting relationships.

Ephesians 5:25

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

Our love for our spouse should be as self-sacrificial as Christ’s love for the church.

Song of Songs 7:11

Come, my love, let us go out to the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers.

Spending time with one another communicates your level of affection for each other.

Song of Songs 1:9

You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh’s stallions.

You can verbally express your affection.

Song of Songs 2:4-6

He escorts me to the banquet hall; it’s obvious how much he loves me. Proverbs 31:31

Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

You can let others know how much you appreciate your spouse.

Song of Songs 1:12

The king is lying on his couch, enchanted by the fragrance of my perfume.

You can look for ways to please one another.

Genesis 2:24

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

1 Corinthians 7:4-5

The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. [5] Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:19

She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.

Sex is a gift God has given husbands and wives to strengthen their affection and unity in their relationship.

How can we show affection for our friends?

Luke 10:27

The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

1 Samuel 20:17

And Jonathan made David reaffirm his vow of friendship again, for Jonathan loved David as he loved himself.

Loving a friend as much as we love ourselves demonstrates our affection for them.

Proverbs 20:6

Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?

1 Samuel 23:18

So the two of them renewed their solemn pact before the Lord. Being faithful to our friends shows our affection for them.

1 John 3:17-19

If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God.

Galatians 6:2

Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

John 13:14

And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other's feet.

Our actions are an outward demonstration of our affection. Taking care of each other’s needs is a good way to show affection. Jesus himself showed affection by performing the lowliest of chores for his disciples—washing their dirty feet.

James 1:19

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

2 Corinthians 7:15

Now he cares for you more than ever when he remembers the way all of you obeyed him and welcomed him with such fear and deep respect.

We can show our affection with our eagerness to listen with respect and concern. Listening honors and respects the other person.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

Hebrews 10:24-25

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. [25] And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Hebrews 3:13

You must warn each other every day, while it is still "today," so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God.

Galatians 6:1

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.

Matthew 18:15

"If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

Proverbs 27:6

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

James 5:19-20

My dear brothers and sisters, if someone among you wanders away from the truth and is brought back, [20] you can be sure that whoever brings the sinner back from wandering will save that person from death and bring about the forgiveness of many sins.

Encouraging one another—and correcting one another in love—can be a powerful way to express affection. A friend who genuinely cares about our struggles and triumphs in our walk with Christ is a friend who loves deeply.

Romans 12:9-10

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Our affection for one another should lead us to enjoy honoring each other. Grudging love isn’t really love at all. Grudging affection doesn’t really bless anyone.

What should I do if I feel my affection for God waning, or if I feel some of my affections are misplaced?

Psalm 26:2

Put me on trial, Lord, and cross-examine me. Test my motives and my heart.

We can ask the Lord test our affections and reveal anything that has become more important than him. But if we ask, we must be ready and open to him exposing our misplaced affections, and be willing to change.

Revelation 2:4-5

But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its place among the churches.

Revelation 3:19

I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference.

Indifference is a deadly spiritual disease whose creeping effects can be hard to notice. Even when we least feel like seeking God—especially when we least feel like it—we should make it a practice to turn toward him rather than away.

Psalm 106:12-13

Then his people believed his promises. Then they sang his praise. Yet how quickly they forgot what he had done! They wouldn’t wait for his counsel!

Deuteronomy 8:2

Remember how the LORD your God led you through the wilderness for these forty years, humbling you and testing you to prove your character, and to find out whether or not you would obey his commands.

Hebrews 10:23

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

Philippians 1:6

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

When we remember God’s faithfulness in the past, it inspires us to trust him with our lives today.

1 John 2:6

Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did.

Galatians 2:20

My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

2 Peter 1:7

. . . and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.

1 John 13:34

Ephesians 5:1

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.

Learning to love God includes learning to love what he loves. Sometimes, this relearning process is refreshing. Other times, it is difficult. But if we persevere, we will grow deeper and deeper in our love and understanding of our Savior.. As we do this, we will naturally begin to see people as God does and grow to love them with genuine affection.

1 Corinthians 11:1

And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.

Hebrews 10:24-25

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. [25] And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Romans 12:4-5

Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, [5] so it is with Christ's body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.

God did not design us to walk the Christian walk alone. Godly mentors, friends, and church family can encourage us in pursuing Christ wholeheartedly.

Matthew 6:24

"No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and be enslaved to money.

Galatians 1:10

Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant.

1 Timothy 6:9

But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction.

James 4:4

You adulterers! Don't you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God.

Matthew 16:25

If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

Proverbs 4:23

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Whatever we regard with high affection will determine the direction of our lives. Improper desires often have a disastrous impact on our lives and our families, and our relationships with God. Even good things can be a distraction from greater things. Our highest affection should always be our relationship with Jesus.

Promise from God

1 Peter 4:8

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.