A few weeks ago, I decided to make a major change in my life. I was tired of being told “no”, and I was tired of the one I have closest and dearest telling me that I couldn’t be who I am. It was on that day that I took a stand against my oppressor: the 128 GB iPhone XR that I have had since the end of 2018, which has been pushing its maximum capacity for years, due to an endless and inexorable collection of captured male celebrities.

The person who finally pushed my poor phone over the edge was the latest eccentric white boy of the week on the internet, Logan Lerman. Past contenders for this title have included Dylan O’Brien, Noah Centineo, and basically any male between the ages of 19 and 32 who is on the homepage of your favorite streaming service. Lerman, however, is different. He’s an anomaly in a collective sea of ​​milquetoast men with sparse facial hair.

He is currently starring in the second season of Amazon Hunters, playing a Nazi hunter (hot!). I hear he’s fantastic in it, and good for him. This is another reason why he is the number one boyfriend material on the internet. Something in him – and in him in particular – deserves a place in the film.

I know what you might be thinking. “Oh talented and precocious entertainment critic, how many pictures could you have in your phone?” How is 33,626 for you? And I guarantee that in the time it takes me to finish snapping my fingers on that keyboard until your eyeballs land on those words, that number will hit the next hundred.

I don’t mean that in the sense that you think either. Get your head out of the gutter! I’m being completely honest when I say that I often save photos of beautiful celebrities because I like to browse them on the train when I’m off duty. Or, I’ll flip through them on rainy days like an old magazine, sending them to my friends to marvel like we all read tiger beat at a slumber party. I kept a copy of Timothee Chalamet’s British vogue cover on my coffee table for the past two months simply because it gives me high school butterflies watching episodes of Americans to see her curls staring at me.

Some people collect geodes or go bird watching. I like beautiful things too! What’s stopping me from enjoying nature’s blessings from the comfort of my phone’s backlit screen? I made peace with my unbreakable obsession with famous men. All my boyfriends stay in my phone, something my real boyfriend (not a figment of my imagination) used to laugh at me for five years every time I complain about having to delete 10 identical photos of Colin Farrell when I want to save a picture of my literal family.

But once in a while, these discoveries need to be shared with the public. And when a video of Logan Lerman dancing to Kelis’ “Milkshake” popped up on my Instagram feed, had to be careful. It was too good to stay in the film. But first, we had to bring to the film. With that, I backed up my boyfriends’ photos to the cloud and grabbed the 512GB iPhone 13 Pro that I’d dithered about for days. Like Ben Franklin and his little electric volts or Gwyneth Paltrow and her vaginal candlesthis discovery was too good to keep to myself.

The video may only be eight seconds long, but it’s more than enough to revere Lerman as the most prolific internet crush of our time. Something about a boy with floppy hair, wearing cozy weather badges – a sweatshirt, sweatpants and socks – while dancing to Kelis just seems critical. Not to mention Jon & Vinny’s to-go bag, sitting on the table behind him. I’ve never been to LA’s beloved casual Italian restaurant, but there’s an alluring, overriding quality about a man willing to patronize a place that sells banana bread with hot, salted butter for 6.25 $.

Others seemed to echo my own thoughts. Many people popped up in my notifications with different versions of “He’s such a boyfriend” in response. Others appreciated that Lerman apparently didn’t care to post a silly video of himself dancing. As one person so concisely put it, “He was waiting for Dylan O’Brien’s crown to slip.”

Except there’s a difference between Lerman and O’Brien. O’Brien, a former MTV hit Teen Wolfhit him even harder over the past two years, showcasing the love interest for Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” Short Film and as a tertiary character in last summer’s dark comedy Hulu, Not good. For this film, O’Brien whitewashed his buzzcut to capture the smug, silly charms of a TikTok peddler, sending a ripple through the internet’s collective libido. Yes, I’m sorry for how disgusting that sentence sounds. But I was there, and I saw cities turn to rubble in seconds.

Logan Lerman, however, is different. It is not everywhere, and that’s what makes him the ideal candidate for cultural courtship. Lerman has the mystique of a true movie star, combined with the charms reserved for the Chalamets of the world, and the beauty worthy of an architect in a supermarket romance novel. He’s a man who dates back to 2012, when Tumblr made us believe that the sexiest thing you could be was someone who dared to wear a pea coat.

Lerman is the rare, in fact enigmatic, white celebrity boy. He’s not walking around with paparazzi in tight workout shirts or doing photo shoots in leather pants. He is never shirtless. (You can’t swing an 8-foot iPhone charger without coming across a half-naked photo of Noah Centineo. He doesn’t find his way onto our phones like that. When Lerman landed the lead role in the Percy Jackson franchise in 2010, he was smart. He turned the YA series flop into an iconic role in Charlie’s worldand the rest was history, preserved in gif form on the Internet like fossils in amber.

Here’s the rare actor who doesn’t crave the attention and fame so much that it becomes exhausting for the rest of us to witness. His roles are rare; Lerman acts when he wants and posts just as sporadically on social media. So when he blessed us all with the video of himself dancing to promote the second season of Huntersit was like a gift.

It was proof that in addition to being infinitely charismatic, he is also very self-aware. This man taking two steps towards “Milkshake” was no doubt a sign that it’s okay to be a little thirsty. It’s who we are! It’s good for Logan Lerman – and everyone else we pass month to month – to dance in our hearts. And, in our dandruff.