Welcome/ welcome back to another blog of mine. In today’s blog, I’m going to share the changes I’ve noticed in myself after the things I’ve been through. All these are the mere result of circumstances I’ve been in.

Before getting started let me make you aware of the things that have happened in the past week. So, as you guys know I wasn’t in a good mental condition, I was suffering from common cold that added to my anxiety and depression. I gained strength and talked to my mum…..yes, I did that. After thinking a million times I did that, though I didn’t tell her everything. I told her the least I could and she responded the best way she could. I never expected this response. She asked me not to worry and talked to a highly educated priest at a well-known historical temple nearby. She took me to him, he talked to me, and counseled me and surprisingly my anxiety got vanished (at least till now) and my tempestuous mind found its peace.

I know some people won’t believe this, but I do. The aura and positive vibes that you get at such places like temple, gurudwara, dargah and church (as per your preference) is magical.

Now, let’s get started with the blog.

Changes that I’m liking

• I’ve become much calmer than I used to be. I was always a calm and peace-loving soul, but often I used to turn into an extrovert who loved making friends, talking a lot, and being happy all the time. Because of this people, including my own parents and siblings used to perceive me as a not-so-calm person.
• People’s opinions don’t bother me anymore. I’m so happy about this one!! The journey from being a girl who lived for outer validations and People’s absurd opinions about her would make her cry all night, to a woman who gives no importance to such baseless comments, not even from the close ones was never a bed of roses, but was needed the most.
• I don’t judge people anymore. I never used to judge people and form any indelible opinions about them, but I do use to have an opinion of them by the actions they do when I see them for the first time, which is not as bad as judging but still not a good thing. Now, I’ve become someone who no matter what you do, won’t judge you ever instead would want to know the reason behind that behaviour, not like a stalker or something but just out of care and concern.
• I’ve developed a better understanding of life and people. I was always been a very conscious person, but now I’ve become more perceptive and empathetic towards people and life in general. Now, if something bad happens, instead of panicking and being despondent, I think sensibly with a calm mind, or if someone responds late (very late) to my texts, instead of sulking The first thought that comes to my mind is “that person must be busy”.
• I made self-respect a priority. As I’ve mentioned above about late replies, Now I’m mature enough to cut off such people from my life who does the same intentionally. I’m aware of, who I am and how great it is to have me in one’s life, and that made me respect myself and embrace my existence. I don’t beg people to stay in my life anymore, instead, I peacefully take an exit from the places I feel unwelcomed.

Changes that I’m hating

• I’ve turned Quiet! I was always a very talkative girl, I loved expressing all my emotions and sharing them with people around me, but now, the pages have turned, and I’ve stopped doing that. Sometimes I do that, just to have a topic to talk about. I don’t speak the same anymore. I don’t want to express any of my emotions to anyone, other than my blogs. It’s not something I do willingly, but it is what it is. Neither do I feel, it’s worth it nor do I have that much energy to speak!
• I’ve lost my concentration. I can’t focus on my studies. My concentration span has reduced manifolds even though I’ve maintained a healthy distance from social media for a long time. Though I’m trying to get back at it.
• I’ve stopped being happy from within. As you guys must be knowing by now, how much I love to be happy, but now it’s been more than 7 months since I’ve been happy in the true sense. Even today I’ve laughed a lot while talking to my mum about a funny thing (obviously), but even then I wasn’t happy. Something’s always missing.
• I want to avoid people as much as I can. Earlier I was an ambivert, but now I’ve become an introvert. I want to avoid people, not because I hate them but because I don’t have the energy to sit and talk with them. I feel exhausted around people. I was to stay quiet and alone. I even want to avoid my family, especially my younger sister as much as I can and hence I get rude at times and I’m hating that about myself. I don’t want to hurt them but I’m doing that, though unintentionally but still.
• I’ve become a highly sensitive person. Have you ever heard of HSPs (highly sensitive people), it’s not a disorder rather it’s a character trait that causes increased responsiveness to both positive and negative influences. I don’t have it since birth, it’s just a result of my conditioning and the people I’ve come across in life. It’s affecting me immensely in a negative way cause now, even a minute chide from my close ones is enough to make me shed tears, and I hate that.

P.s. Do let me know if you want a separate blog about HSPs. I’d love to share that as well.

Things that I’m proud of

• I didn’t let my innocence fade. I love that the most about myself and I’m extremely proud that it’s still intact. Sometimes it does more harm than good but still, that’s how I am and I don’t want to change that.
• I never stopped being kind. Even though people have wronged me so much, I still managed to safeguard my soul from getting contaminated with hatred. After all, I can’t lose the essence of myself to some shitty people’s shitty deeds.
• I never used someone to heal myself. Yes, I haven’t ever done that and I’m so proud of myself for that.
• I still have a good heart, Just the way I haven’t stopped being kind. I have a beautiful heart. I’m aware of that. I’m grateful to god for that and I’ll never let that change.

About studies

Nothing much. Just trying to get back at it with full efficiency. It’s my last chance to myself, not to others but to myself and my parents. I want to be a doctor and I’m ready to give all it takes.

Upcoming events

This week is going to be very happening for me, as I have to attend a haldi, mehendi and wedding ceremony along with a fashion show (cause my sister’s participating in that) and my birthday. Though I’m not that excited for any of these especially my birthday. Let’s see how it goes.

That’s it for today’s blog. Do let me know if you’ve felt any of the above mentioned things. Should I share more about HSPs? Have you ever been smiling but wasn’t happy? How has things been with you this month? Feel free to share your views and opinions in the comments below. I’ll be waiting to read them all!!!

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