• Britney Spears shared her reaction to her sons’ decision to stop visiting her.
• In a now-deleted Instagram post, she wrote that the “harsh” decision knocked “the breath out of me.”
• Spears added that she will “forever have trauma” from her conservatorship and family drama.

Britney Spears said her children knocked “the breath out of me” after telling her they don’t want to see her.

On Saturday, Spear’s ex-husband Kevin Federline, who has full custody of the singer’s two sons, told the Daily Mail that 16-year-old Sean Preston and 15-year-old Jayden “have decided they are not seeing her right now.” 

On Wednesday, Spears shared her reaction to her sons’ decision in a now-deleted Instagram post. 

—Britney Stan (@BritneyTheStan) August 10, 2022

“I talk about it because my heart doesn’t understand cruelty. It breaks my heart because it seems to be that these days, cruelty does in fact win, although it’s not about winning or losing !!!” the “Womanizer” singer wrote. “But I can’t process how I dedicated 20 years of my life to those kids … everything was about them !!! For them to knock the breath out of me.”

She continued: “See you can’t fix me !!! No therapy or sense of worship can fix my heart !!! I will forever have trauma and I know this, I’ve accepted it … it would take a miracle to fix my heart and not one miracle, maybe 3 !!!”

Spears also said in the post that Sean Preston and Jayden told her this summer that they planned to see her less often.

“I always TRIED and TRIED, and maybe that’s why they stopped coming here !!! I wanted them to love me so much that I might have overdone it !!!” the singer wrote. “This summer, they told me, ‘we may come here less’ and I was like that’s fine. I called their dad and I told him that it seems like the boys are wanting to stop coming here as much, which I get because they have their own thing going on but I feel like they are being pretty harsh.”

Spears said that Federline told her he would not let their sons come to the decision “on their own,” but claimed she has not seen them since.

Federline told the Daily Mail the boys “made the decision” to skip Spears’ wedding earlier this year to long-term boyfriend Sam Asghari.

On Wednesday, Federline responded to Spears’ recent post by sharing three videos of Spears appearing to argue with her two sons when they were younger.

“I can not sit back and let my sons be accused in this way after what they’ve been through,” He captioned the post. “As much as it hurts us, we decided as a family to post these videos the boys took when they were 11 & 12. This isn’t even the worst of it. The lies have to stop. I hope our kids grow up to be better than this. #NeverFearTruth.”

Insider has reached out to representatives of Federline and Spears for comment.