Writer, activist and Aquarius Edward Abbey argued, “Power is always dangerous. Power attracts the worst and corrupts the best.”
Never has the axis of attraction and corruption been drawn more vividly or with more white collar viciousness than in HBO’s “Succession.”
Written and produced by show runner Jesse Armstrong, “Succession” follows the Roy family. Led by Logan, their sociopathic Scottish patriarch, the Roy children plot and ploy for control of their father’s multi billion dollar media conglomerate.
So deep is the this dysfunction that the fraught Roy family gives the contentious Dutton clan of “Yellowstone” a run for their (blood) money.
Daddy issues abound, poisoned arrows fly, boars take to the floor and brutality hangs from each and every marble arch.
As the show nears fourth and final season, we bring you a list of the “Succession” characters as zodiac signs.
Roman Roy
Sending d–k picks to his dad, shooting off at the mouth, campaigning for a controversial candidate, proposing to a woman after knowing her for a week, providing near constant comic relief and rushing a rocket launch that result in a great ball of fire, Roman is all Aries. In a bid for casual sex he aptly describes himself as, “A young fighter in his prime, technically raw but hungry.” Never hesitating to go for blood or “gutting” or to place a cruel bet on a game of ball, Roman revels in fanning the flames of his sun sign.
Kendall Roy
Kendall Roy’s birthday is given as May 2, 1981, making him a tough but tender Taurus sun. Like most Taureans, it takes a lot to push Ken out of his placid pasture but once he’s there it’s all horns, hellfire and IDGAF press conferences. I can’t think of anything that screams earth sign on drugs more than a kleptomaniac who throws himself a party complete with a p—y tunnel, a no jackets policy and a garden full of trees that whisper compliments.
Greg Hirsch
From puking in a mascot costume to blackmailing with the best of them Gemini Greg ‘the egg’ is nothing if not a man of multitudes. Gemini is ruled by Mercury, planet of communication and exchange. In kind, natives are masters at manipulating language and leveraging information and Greg fits the bill, an accidental snitch whose tall, bumbling demeanor belies a cunning villain in training and an increasingly worthy heir to an evil empire.
Gerri Kellman
Cancer is ruled by the moon and associated with root systems, care taking and defense dynamics. While Gerri is just as driven as the other players on the show, she is arguably the least destructive most nurturing force among them making her the clear Cancer of the bunch. Add to this that Cancer represents the mother archetype and Roman repeatedly projects his Oedipal fantasies (and unsolicited nudes) onto Gerri.
Connor Roy
In his bid for presidency we see Connor Roy seeking the attention of the nation to assuage the pain of not being loved by his father thus displaying the tell tale hunger of a wounded lion. Predisposed to frivolity, fanaticism and flights of fancy, it tracks that a Leo like Con would spend a cool half a million dollars on Napoleon’s fake severed d–k. What good is being rich if you can’t be ridiculous?
Kerry Castellabate
Recently promoted from assistant to mistress, Kerrie is an unmistakable Virgo. For evidence look no further than her slow and steady ascent, severe hair cut and cutting observations. Virgo rules the sixth house of daily habits and natives are inclined to be health conscious and Kerrie is no exception, serving her boss/boyfriend green juices and Maca root smoothies, presumably to boost vitality and virility.
Distilling people to the sum total of their potential, Virgos can display truly abominable taste in romantic partners. Our blunt banged lady in waiting fulfills this fumbling by meddling/bedding down with the villain to end all villains. You do it to yourself and that’s what really hurts.
Logan Roy
The show reveals Logan Roy’s birthday to be October 14, 1938, making our man a Libra, and coincidentally, the birthday twin of Dwight D. Eisenhower. Libra is ruled by Venus the planet of aesthetics and assets and the people of the scales can be cut throat in their pursuit and securement of wealth. Checks out.
At its highest expression, Libra energy is diplomatic. At its worst, it plays every angle it can in order to win. Indecisiveness is the achilles heel of this sign and Logan’s waffling, backtracking and hesitance to name a successor form the scaffolding for the entire series.
Great calibrators, Libras are masters of sensing what people need and toying with whether or not to give it to them. Affable when it is advantageous, part of Logan’s power lies in his ability to turn on the charm to a diabolical degree.
Tom Wambsgans
Scorpios come to win and align themselves always and ever with the most powerful players to ensure their own survival; Tom proved his stripes and sign in his ruthless betrayal at the end of season three. Scorpio rules the eight house of sex, death, secrets and other people’s money and Tom is absolutely calculating when it comes to hiding and hoarding sensitive information with the express purpose of a pay day. As both a victim and perpetrator of power dynamics, Tom is a study in fixed water, ultimately proving that the most dangerous thing you can do with a scorpion is underestimate them.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars
Caroline Collingwood
Sagittarius folk put the brutal in brutally honest, inclined as they are to verbally bludgeon without regard for feelings or fallout. Enter Lady Caroline Collingwood the rogue, rude, unfiltered matriarch of the Roy clan. True to her mutable fire, Caroline is quick with the burns, whether speculating on the longevity of her only daughter’s marriage ON HER WEDDING DAY, bullying her son for his hair cut or roasting her ex-husband for his lamentable love life. This woman is self-aware enough to recognize that she is better suited to owning dogs than raising children but unfortunately not couth or kind enough to keep that fact from her offspring.
